


An Open Book.

by TwoTeaspoonsOfSuga



Category: Downton Abbey, Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent - Fandom, thommy - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Artist Thomas, Canon verse, Denial of Feelings, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Sexual Confusion, Smut, Writer/Poet Jimmy, hidden sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-12-19 09:34:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 64,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11894940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoTeaspoonsOfSuga/pseuds/TwoTeaspoonsOfSuga
Summary: Basically set a year after the Christmas Special. The more Jimmy learns of Thomas, the more he’s drawn irrevocably to him, until he wants nothing more but to be only with Thomas and the thought terrifies him. But what will happen when a unwanted visitor shows up and all the two are hiding unravels? Will they find true happiness?





	1. Chapter 1

_He’s as strong as rock beneath storm tossed sea, maybe it’s why I see him so often in my dreams, maybe it’s why I cling to him._  
Jimmy tapped his pen against the desk, the room was barley illuminated by the lamp and the shadows were so empty here. It rang out, a screaming silence. It was lonely.  
He wouldn’t say he missed Alfred. Lord…nothing could make him so desperate. But there was …something amiss  
Maybe that’s why his thoughts had drifted to Thomas.  He after all was closest to his age…had half a brain and very obviously cared for him more than he was allowed to admit.  
Of course, that why Jimmy had fixed himself to his side. He was a steady bet. And as easy to play as the ivories because of it.

  
/  
There was a soft knock on the door that Jimmy was sure he imagined.  Who in the world.  He scrambled out of bed, blindly reaching for door. He cracked it open.  
“What the bloody hell are you…are you drunk.”  
Thomas pressed his cheek to the door frame eyes lit with mischief. “Mayyybe.”  
Jimmy raised a brow. “Do you have a death wish eh? What if Carson were to find you here off your trolley of all things…”  
“Doing what? Talking? You’re so uptight…James.”  
Jimmy blinked and irritation slipping into his eyes. “Don’t call me James.”  
“Why ever not?”  
“I…You don’t call me James. You call me Jimmy.”  
“You’re acting like a James.” He moved past him into his room.  
“Thomas!” he hissed.  
“What?”  
“Are you off your rocker.”  
“I must be.” he sighed, eyes on him full of frustration.  
Jimmy shook his head. “What did you want Thomas?” he sighed.  
“Why bother?”  
“What?”  
“Why bother being friends with me if it’s…so hard for you to be around me.” Thomas plopped onto his bed.  
Jimmy was confused sweeping a blonde curl out of his eyes and sitting tenderly on the other end. “What are you on about…you asked me to be friends with you. I can hardly look into the face of a man who is black and blue for me and tell him no. I’m selfish, I’m not cruel.”  
Thomas fell back onto Jimmy’s bed nuzzling into the covers and making Jimmy shift uncomfortably. “You are selfish.”  
“Thanks a bunch.”  
“Mm…still love you.”  
Jimmy left the bed. “Thomas, go to bed.” He said, tone wavering, back to the light, blocking it from Thomas.  
“Mm yeah I am.” He sleepily sniffed and rubbed his eyes, it was hard to be mad at that. He was like a child drunk. He felt so young and so innocent right now.  
“Your bed.”  
“But its lonely in there…” he whined eyes cracked open. “The aint gonna put me with another guy are they? And they can’t put me up with a girl. S’not proper.”  
“Thomas… think. You’re clever, aren’t you? Claw out from under the booze and let some sense back into that head yeah? What would happen to us both if they found you here.”  
Thomas sat up slowly, downtrodden his hair dark hair flopping into his eyes and those eyes broken.  
“You’d probably cry wolf and leave me to their mercy.”  
Jimmy didn’t know why that stung. Honestly, he could have cried wolf ten minutes ago, but he didn’t, he was being uncommonly patient and kind to Thomas for reason he couldn’t fathom beyond his endearing drunken infantilism.  
Maybe that’s why. Because for once he was trying too and receiving nothing. He, with a stab of guilt imagined this was how Thomas felt daily about him.  
“You think so bad of me?”  
Thomas shook his head. “I think the world of you…but you’re right…I’m actually not all that thick. I know how the world works. I know…I know what you’d have to do to survive. I mean hell…I’ve done worse. I’d not think badly of you for it.”

Something raised goose bumps over Jimmy’s arms. It just…it felt like Thomas was looking into his soul. He was reading him like an open book and Jimmy had never felt so exposed. He felt naked as a baby in front of him.  
“You don’t know me…you can’t know me…not all of me.”  
“Clearly…though I try.” There was a lingering gaze between them, shots of heat rolling between the space. Then Jimmy snatched his eyes away. What was Thomas doing? Playing with him? Testing him?  
“Thomas…”  
“Fiiine have it your way.” Thomas lamented, rolling his eyes as he stood, leaving Jimmy stood limp in the centre of his room. Suddenly it felt so unwelcome for him to leave. He turned to him just before he left with a ghost of a smile playing at his lips.  
“Goodnight.” He whispered in an intimate breath of air as he closed the door.  
The waves, lighting bolts of atmosphere still crackled around him, though there was barley a breeze outside the windows, a chill coursed through Jimmy.  
He could feel his nerves buzzing. But he closed his eyes and pushed them away, pushed the colour from his cheek, bottled himself up and stored it on a shelf.  
He put himself away again. Probably until Thomas was back in his presence and Thomas alone. He was after all…the only person alive who knew Jimmy and didn’t run for the hills.  
The door was shoved shut and locked.  
The page called him from the other side of the room and he was powerless to it.  
_And just like the sea I wore him to the core, and found the diamonds that rolled onto sleepy shores._

/  
Thomas sat dazed, head pounding at the breakfast table as Jimmy slipped in opposite.  
“Rough night?” he commented trying to keep it light as possible.  
Thomas buried his face in his hands rubbing the dark circles under his eyes. “Bloody hell if I can remember it I’ll let you know. I feel like teenager that supped whisky for the first time.”  
“You don’t remember anything?”  
“I just told you that didn’t I?”  
A pause. Then Thomas lost the little colour he had. “What? What did I-“  
“Nothin’ I were just…wondering what you got up too. We could think up some stories on that eh?”  
Thomas’ face dipped as it split into smile. Jimmy noted that it was a shame when he hid it. He looked much better when he smiled.  
“Hmm…I wonder why I didn’t get anyone knocking on me door and threatening me? You think they finally gave up tormenting me.”  
“I told them I went up and found you ill.”  
Thomas looked up grateful. “You didn’t need to do that… thank you.”  
Jimmy shrugged. “You looked like you’d drop before you drank a tankard of booze, you never stop working. Besides…I got a day off so you can keep me company.”  
Thomas smiled, eyes alight with hope that quickly drained from his eyes again. “Wont they be suspicious when they find me missing?”  
“I told em I’m taking you to a doctor. So, we’ll have to be quiet about detours.”  
Thomas smirked. “Hmm. I’ve taught you well James…”  
Jimmy chuckled eyes lit up. “Maybe I already had it in me? You ever think that.”  
“Oh, I know you did. You just needed the push. Someone to tempt you.”

Suddenly suspicion crept in, Jimmy felt like they were alluding to something. He cleared his throat and dropped his smile. Thomas wondered what he did wrong.  
“Um…I’ll change out of this uniform yeah?”  
Jimmy nodded and watched him leave under his lashes.  
“Be careful James.”  
Jimmy looked up at Anna and scowled. “Of what? We’re friends.”  
“Thomas is a good man under all the anger. But he tends to get carried away, give him an inch he’ll take a mile.”  
Jimmy straightened up. “He knows I can never give him what he wants.”  
“Maybe. But hope is a powerful thing. And Thomas has been starved of it.” She gave him a pointed look.  
“You make him sound like an animal.”  
“Men tend to be.”  
He couldn’t really argue with that. “He knows the score.” He insisted.  
“That good then…just…don’t play with his heart, will you? Despite rumour I think he has one and it’s been battered and bruised already.”  
She left Jimmy feeling hollow. And guilt ridden. He shook his head.  
“He knows the score.” He murmured.  
/  
“Where are you taking me?”  
“Somewhere. Stop asking questions.”  
Jimmy groaned, hauling the bag of food up a woody hill, laden with oak roots and soft sloppy moss. “S’alright for you to say you’re not carrying the goods.”  
Thomas trudged west now and the sound of water came trickling through the air. “Lord you whine a lot.”  
He pulled back a tangle of bushes and gave Jimmy way to a beautiful pool of water and rushing waterfalls that almost sound like they were hushing him.  
Jimmy wiped the sweat from his brow and wandered past Thomas, pulling his cap from his head. “Shit…”  
“Mhmmm.”  
“Trapped all day in a prison like that… you forget things like this exist.”  
Thomas let the branches fling back into place and joined him at the water’s edge he crouched ran his fingers over the surface watching it ripple.  
“Mm, I come here to be alone. To think. Draw.”  
Jimmy crouched beside him eyeing him strangely “You draw?”  
“A bit. And not particularly well.”  
Jimmy picked at the moss. “Can I see it? Your drawings I mean.”  
Thomas turned to him with a blank, searching gaze, like he was trying to unravel a riddle in his head. “Mm, you can see…parts. Pass me the black book.”  
The footman dropped the back and riffled through the neatly wrapped food to find the book at the bottom. He pulled it out and passed it to him.  
Thomas flipped through intently cringing and blushing and making Jimmy wonder more about him than made him comfy. “Jesus Thomas just.”  
The man turned the book and showed him a sketch from coloured and water smudged pencils, a woman seemingly in the ripples of a river reflection. She had piercingly blue eyes that still seemed soft and a pile of raven hair piled on top of her head and falling around her cheeks in curls.  
Jimmy stared at it for ages, marvelling at the stars in the background and the serenity of the figures expression. And Thomas watched him curiously, watching everything pass over his face. Jimmy didn’t have a mask no matter how hard he tried. He was as easy to open as book.  
“Who was she?”  
Thomas was impressed. “Why do you say ‘was’.”  
“I dunno.” He shrugged, thumb caressing the corner of the page. “It just feels like a tribute. And you don’t give them to the living.”  
“You’re right…she was my mother. I got the hankering to draw it after a dream I had of her. Woke up crying like a baby. She died when I was…”  
“Thomas.” He lowered the page and looked up at him troubled. “Why are you telling me all this?”  
Thomas blushed. “I don’t…”  
“It just seems…so personal…why would give yourself up that quickly?”  
Thomas shook his head sat cross legged. “You’re the first person whos asked me about myself. Or my family. I guess it feels kinda nice to talk to someone and for that person to care about what I have to say…but maybe I’m assuming-“  
“No you’re…you’re okay. I’m just not used to having uh a real pal.”  
Thomas blinked and turned toward the water. “Yeah…uh…we should eat before them beef rolls turn. They was nearly growing things when we bought them.”  
Nodding, Jimmy pulled off his overcoat and displayed their little spread across it, beef rolls, lemon tarts, apples and oranges and a bottle of pop each that Thomas had treated them to.  
“You didn’t have to get me this. I got my own money”  
“Barley…you blow it all at the pub or gambling on sport… just enjoy it .”  
Jimmy couldn’t deny this was refreshing. Lemonade and fruit and the crispness of the air. He’d have to come back here again on his next day off. Which seemed too far to be legal.  
He sighed and lay back head resting on his cap and ran his fingers through his hair. Thomas gazed at him, glad for his closed eyes.  
Every inch of him wanted to crawl over and kiss the perfect pucker of his lip.s But his brain kept him on the ground.  
“You ever think of just running away.” Jimmy said, voice seeming to echo through their nook.  
“Every day, without fail.”

/

That night Jimmy lay in bed, the words he had scribed most recently to his page still rolling around in his head.

_Stars in his eyes when we’re one to one, He is nothing if he’s not his mother’s son._

_And a smile that suggests but does not speak of the facets he believes will render him weak._

_The facets that will boggle my mind as I lay, that will boggle me to the dawn of brighter day._  


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two for ya’ll who wanted it! <3 Ugh second chapters are hard. With Carson trying to steer Jimmy away from Thomas and intimate conversations under a shower of stars, how will Jimmy cope with the conflict?

Jimmy didn’t feel much for writing when he got up. His mind was whirring too fast to get any real sense down on paper.  
He wandered through the kitchen not hearing Thomas or seeing his face among the risen.   
“Oi Daisy?”  
The young cook rolled her eyes as she folded raisin into choux pastry. “No, I can’t sneak yer one, so I’d give up on it now…”  
“Calm down woman, I was just wondering where Thomas was.”  
Mrs Patmore huffed behind her, the woman built like a bulldozer made Jimmy swerve as she charged past him with a platter of fruit that made the array from yesterday look like peanuts in comparison. “How should she know? If he’s not doing his job or loitering around you, he’s usually puffing on those dreadful cigarettes in the courtyard.”  
Jimmy blushed as Ivy glared at him from the corner. Were he and Thomas really so inseparable?

  
“Right…” he murmured and hurried quickly from the kitchen into the dining room. He smiled at Anna and bid good morning to her and Mrs Hughes, but he ignored the rest just as they ignored him. He had nearly gotten to the door when…  
“James. May I have a word?” He groaned and turned to the butler and his constant expression of haughtiness. Jimmy found himself irritated beyond belief and just craving the peace and quiet he got being around Thomas.  
“Yes, Mr Carson?”  
The old man pulled him into his office to Jimmy’s dismay. “Close the door James.” He did so.  
“What can I help you with Mr Carson.” He spoke jaw set. The man gave a disapproving grumble and sank down onto his chair.  
“I notice you and Barrow seem to have stuck up a…closeness, since the… incident between you last year.”  
Jimmy straightened his eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand what you mean Sir?”  
“Nothing of note I thought you must just made aware that people have begun to notice.”  
“Notice what exactly Sir.” his tone began to sharpen. Carson shot him an eagle-eyed glare beneath bushy eyebrows.  
“You are aware of the type of man Thomas is…”  
“Clearly considering as you’ve just mentioned I’ve spent quite a bit of my time with him.”  
“I would watch your tongue Mr Kent. Backtalk will not help your case if I found out what transpires between you two is untoward.”  
Jimmy blanked and stood up straightening his vest. “I can assure you we are but friends and nothing more. Whatever your staff have dreamed up is nothing but a figment of imagination.”  
“Well good. I expect you will keep it this way. I will not have scandal tainting these walls or this family. Are we clear. You are to tread carefully.”  
Jimmy’s teeth were grinding together in fury.  
“Yes, Mr Carson.” He recited. “May I leave?”  
“You may.”  
Jimmy found it incredibly difficult not to slam the door behind him and he ran into Thomas almost instantly, smelling of cigarettes and mint and carrying tea on silver tray.  
“Good morning.” He murmured his brow quirking. “What did the old man want?”  
“Huh? Oh nothin’, something about the silver or something…”  
Thomas eyes were all over Jimmy’s face as he refused to look at him, thoroughly distracted. “Is something the matter?”  
“Why should it be?”  
Thomas shrugged. “You seem…not yourself. Is it something I can- “as his hand reached out to touch the footman’s shoulder, Jimmy shrugged it off.  
“I’m fine. I wish people would stop bloody asking about me.”  
Thomas flinched, snatching his hand back. “Right…well um…if you want to speak I’ll be around after breakfast service…” he murmured.   
As he disappeared up the stairs Jimmy felt an instant guilt. Sometimes he wished he could hate Thomas or that Thomas wasn’t so lovely and patient with him. It would be a lot easier for them both but a hell of a lot lonelier too.  
/  
Breakfast was quick and the family aside from Branson and Mary were travelling to Lord Grantham’s cousin’s for a wedding this meant that this afternoon only Carson would be needed to serve and a maid and Thomas to dress them for dinner and the rest would have the evening off. Jimmy would have felt like he struck gold if he hadn’t actually been assigned to silver and crystal polish. Luckily, he was to share the job with Thomas.  
He had chance to apologise.  
They polished in relative silence for a while before, Jimmy taking the cutlery and Thomas on the crystal as he had the steadier hands.  
“Thomas…”  
“You don’t have to say anything. I get it…no touching I…”  
“No…” Thomas paused his cleaning. “No, I…I wanted to apologise.”  
Thomas raised his brow. “Oh…”  
“I mean it. You’re always so kind to me. I do nothing to deserve it.”  
“It doesn’t matter Jimmy.”  
“Yeah it does.” He said firmly. Thomas blinked and the he went back to polishing and smiled soft as he placed the goblet on the table.  
“If you say so.”  
So pliant, so willing to bend over backwards to please him. Jimmy watched him and decided he deserved the truth about what happened.  
“Carson was hounding me…that’s why I snapped.  
“About what.”  
He took a deep breath. “About you.”  
There was silence and realisation washed over Thomas’ face. He looked thoughtful for a second. “Maybe we should, limit our time together for a while.”  
Jimmy’s long lashes fluttered, astonished. “What?”  
“So, you can avoid awkward questions.”  
“It’ll be even more awkward to avoid you…beside don’t you think they’ll be more suspect if we suddenly stop spending time together for no reason. I don’t want to do that. We don’t have anything to hide do we? So why should be give in to gossip?”  
Thomas was surprised to say the least he half laughed. “You know people aint half wrong about you. They paint you as this cowardly, vain little peacock without much of a brain. You aren’t nothing of the sort are you. You’re a clever, wiley one, aren’t you?”  
Jimmy smirked. “Damn right I am.”  
Thomas laughed. “Even more clever to keep them guessing too. I’m very impressed Jimmy.”  
They finished the polishing in record time with renewed life breathed back into them and a bounce in their step.  
/  
“Did you hear about tonight!” Jimmy overheard, as he picked up another card. Damn two of clubs. He needed a two of hearts. Ivy’s voice carried through again as he put it down and Thomas picked up again. “Mr Mosley told Mrs Patmore there was to be a meteor shower!”  
“Well then Lady Westholme will be very lucky to have such a night for her wedding night.” Mrs Hughes chimed in.  
“Can we watch Mrs Hughes!? Oh please!” Daisy asked.  
“I suppose you all may, I suppose Mr Carson won’t mind much.”  
Jimmy looked to Thomas. “Did you know about that?” he asked curiously.  
“Mm I read something about it the paper. Why dya ask?”  
“You gonna watch it?”  
“I don’t know…seems a little bit sad, doesn’t it? Watching it alone.”  
“Well you won’t be. I’ll be there.”  
Thomas tilted his head. “Well then you’ve swayed me.”  
Jimmy couldn’t help but smile when Thomas did. “Mm, I swear if you have my card… you’ll be watching it alone again.”  
/  
There was a buzz around the Abbey. The staff and the aristocracy…including the children were out front and all counting down until the shower.  
However, Thomas and Jimmy had remained in the courtyard outside the servant’s quarter. Hidden away and dragging their cigarettes as they sat on the steps and sipped whisky, Thomas pacing himself this time and Jimmy really was not.  
Jimmy gazed at Thomas over his glass. His hair had begun to fall out of its perfect coif, and over his forehead and his top buttons were open, and waist coat loose. He looked good like this…Jimmy realised. He looked good relaxed. Jimmy almost felt like he hadn’t really seen Thomas before this. Hadn’t really looked at him.  
Or maybe it was the booze talking.   
“How many men have you been with?” Jimmy asked his eyes doey. Thomas nearly choked on his cigarette. He looked at him in shock for a good 30 seconds and then reached for his glass.  
“I think you’ve had enough of that.”  
Jimmy batted him away. “Stop. I’m just curious. Like how does it happen? Where do you meet them? How do you know that they are like you?”  
“I don’t…clearly.”  
Jimmy shuffled around to look at him. “Go on…just tell me. I asked after all.”  
“I…I dunno 4? 5? I don’t really have time to go searching…” he swirled his whiskey in his glass.  
“Yeah? Were like me? Am I your type.”  
Thomas shifted uncomfortably. “I…I don’t know…maybe…but no not all them.” He paused considering his glass. “One was a Duke.”  
“Shit really?” Jimmy sat up straight with a coy smile. “You shacked up with a Duke?”  
Thomas laughed scrubbing his forehead with the back of his hand. This all seemed so ridiculously natural to talk about…it felt like he’s finally snapped and gone loopy and was imagining this.  
“Yeah well… it didn’t end well.  So, it weren’t exactly love.”  
“Is that what you want? Love? To settle down with someone.”  
Thomas chanced a look at him. “Doesn’t everyone?”  
Jimmy had never thought of it like that. He realised…ignorantly perhaps, he just assumed men who liked men were more interested in sex than romance.  
“That’s…nice. I didn’t know that.”  
Thomas brushed his fingers through his hair nervously. “I’m not sure you’d find it nice if you were sober though.”  
“Mm maybe not.” There was a pause. “Was he good?”  
“Who? The Duke? Not particularly. He was a selfish lover and played to my…need of romance. He traded sexual favours for love letters and treated me like his whore. Which I guess I was…people like me don’t find nice people it seems. I always did wonder what it’d be like to kiss a man who cared about me, just a kiss. But I don’t think it’ll happen. And now I’m getting’ older and losing my looks it looks like a bachelor I’ll be till the day I keel over…”  
Jimmy made a sad noise and scooted closer taking a drag of his cigarette. “You shouldn’t say that… ‘people like you’…it makes you sound so…abhorrent. Is that the word Carson uses? Yeah…well anyway you’re not. And you’re handsome… really handsome, ‘specially when you’re all unbuttoned and loose haired and you’re smiling a real smile. I reckon if any man of your inclination had a chance of settlin’ down it would be you.”  
Thomas blinked. Blown away. “Jimmy, I…”  
But there was a gasp in the air and the two men looked to the stars as they rained down over the sky in bursts. The light illuminating their faces, Jimmy felt like he was dreaming it all up. Like it was the land of nod and he could do what every he wanted, consequences be damned. He felt endless.  
“If you could wish for anythin’ right now…what would it be.?” He murmured. Thomas turned to Jimmy catching his eyes as his dark from the night lingered on his lips.  
Jimmy stared back and thought of this man…this man who had given so much of himself for Jimmy who had been through hell, through war, through tragedy, through loneliness and exclusion and violent hatred his whole life and the one thing he wanted in this moment…was a kiss. Something that seemed so simple in that moment. One kiss.  
He would give it to him, blindly, drunkly and in that moment, gladly.  
He leaned forward and closed his eyes. Then a hand on his shoulder stopped him and when he opened his eyes Thomas looked…so downbeat it was heart-breaking. “You’ll regret it in the morning. When you’re sober and sensible.” He told him starlight still flashing over his pale skin.  
With a flutter of his heart Jimmy realised, Thomas was a better man than he could ever be. He was putting everything he wanted away, bottling it, storing it on a shelf. And all for Jimmy.   
“Good Lord, Thomas…” he breathed. “Shut up and enjoy it.”  
He held his cheeks between his palms and pulled him in, kissing him under the heavens as they opened for the Earth.

/

_His weight is pulling me under…and the stars they scorch like sun. The question begs and pleads in my mind. Do I stay or do I run?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jimmy cant run from himself, what else can he do?

 

Thomas was a good kisser. He kissed like it was the last he would ever have. There was an unbridled need there, to express everything in that one kiss.

At first, he kept his hands down, didn’t touch Jimmy and then the younger felt slender, gentle fingers slide up the sides of his neck, drawing goose bumps to the surface. Thomas cradled the back of his head, buried his fingers in his hair and deepened the kiss with tongue.

And Jimmy felt a flash of lust, white hot through his alcohol addled brain and down to his crotch and he pushed away sharply, covering his mouth, wide eyes darting around.

“Jimmy…” Thomas’s voice was lower than usual, raspy and his eyes dizzily intoxicated. And it was doing nothing to help Jimmy.

Panic settled in. They say fear does either of two things to a man. You could fight it…or you could run. And Jimmy ran.

He stood up and he ran leaving Thomas behind him calling his name. To this day Jimmy couldn’t tell you where he was running to. He hadn’t a clue. But he ran on, out that courtyard passed a crowd of confused colleagues and employers and down the gravel drive of Downton.

Thomas was caught by Branson as he shot past. And Lady Mary asked him: “What is the meaning of this Barrow!?” in a sharp hiss, but his mind and his eyes were with the man who was slowly moving away into the shadows.

“I’m sorry M’lady I have to…” he shook his head and broke free making after Jimmy again. Luckily, he much quicker and with much longer legs, he caught up to him grabbing his arm. “Jimmy!”

Jimmy yanked it away and whipped round, his eyes brimming with unshed tears and fear. “Get off! Let me go!”

But Thomas caught around the waist as he turned and tried to struggle. Thomas heard footsteps behind him, the crunch of stones.

“Jimmy! Breathe, you need to breathe.  You need to calm down.”

Slowly Jimmy stopped struggling and slid out of Thomas’ arms to crouch on the floor, head in trembling hands and breathing heavily. Thomas next to him crouched and places a wary hand on his back, brow furrowed in concern.

“Barrow! James! What is this.” Carson demanded as he arrived behind them, Lady Mary and Branson in tow and the others retreating inside in the distance.

“I-I’m not sure…. he…” “Thomas-Mr Barrow he- “Jimmy spoke shakily and Thomas closed his eyes expecting a blow that was about to cost him his job. “He said something that… reminded me of the war.”

Thomas frowned. But he continued after a deep breath.

“I…I’ve never reacted like that before I guess…I guess it haunts me more than I thought I…” he shook his head running his hands through his hair tightly.

Thomas was blown away.

“I see…” Mary said in that measured way she always did. “Barrow you should take him back inside. Make him some tea and see to it he gets some rest.”

Thomas nodded. “Certainly M’lady…” he helped Jimmy to stand.

“Good lord man, get a whiskey down him too. He looks like he’s seen a ghost.” Branson whispered patting his arm as they walked past.

Thomas decided against that. He thought perhaps whiskey would be the worst option.

Thomas managed to take him past the others without much whispering and he’s sure Carson would do his level best to squash any scandal.

Thomas got him to his bedroom and put him to bed without a word from Jimmy. His expression didn’t change he didn’t look Thomas’ way.  He just let him manoeuvre him and pull the blankets over his body.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered sadly, brushing his hair from his face. He was nearly out the room when Jimmy’s voice came.

“It’s naught to do with you.” Thomas stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. “It’s me…for all you say I’m brave and all I try and believe it. I was always a coward.”

“Being scared doesn’t make you a coward.” Thomas whispered the back light casting him in an eerie glow. “It’s how you imprint that fear onto others that makes you a coward. If anything, in that way, I’ve been the biggest coward at Downton for years before you made me brave.”

Jimmy blinked at the ceiling contemplating his words finally he sighed and turned to his side. “Good night Thomas…”

The elder sagged a little. “Good night Jimmy.”

/

_The fires of hell nipping at him, from his ankles all the way to his waist. I’ve got get out…got to get him out soon, before the fire does tarnish his face._

/

The morning after was uncomfortable for Jimmy. In several ways. He was bombarded with questions and concern and well wishes all morning. Even Ivy, apparently endeared to him by his breakdown of all things, was clinging to him all day. This meant Thomas kept a distance and though Jimmy needed breathing space, he found himself lost without the man by his side.

At dinner service, they stood eyes constantly straying to each and as Jimmy bent to serve a course Lord Grantham cut off his Mother’s ramblings to ask him: “How are you today James?”

Jimmy blinked and snapped his eyes away from Thomas, surprised he was being addressed.  

“I hear you had a fairly tough time the other day.” The Earl pressed.

“Oh…yes M’lord, I’m much better.”

“Well good…I know that comrades of mine still are triggered by certain things to this day.”

Jimmy nodded as the old man went off on a spiel about war and Jimmy met Thomas’ eyes briefly, flushing pink.

“I remember Thomas there served with our Sybil during the war. Isn’t that right Barrow?” Cora asked.

“Yes M’lady.”

“I never asked Barrow what did you serve as in the war, before you were injured at least?” Mary asked tilting his head ever so.

“I was medic M’lady… in the trenches alongside you late husband.” She blinked slowly.

“Well…it seems you’re quite cemented in our family’s history Barrow.”

“It’s an honour M’lady…seeing a familiar face in a place like that made me miss Downton Abbey all the more. For better or worse…I’m glad to have protected all that we hold dear.”

“Here, here.” Robert raised his glass.

Jimmy watched Thomas over their heads and twitched a smile at him. Thomas twitched one back.

/

There wasn’t a word between either of them all evening. Though Jimmy did sit next to him during their supper.

Thomas could feel something rolling of him, something simmering, he felt extra sensitive to his presence and so when it was gone after supper there was an emptiness that chilled him. He pushed that aside and decided on an early night.

Patience is a virtue.

/

_Knock Knock_

No answer. Jimmy stood outside Thomas’s door like he was sleepwalking and simply allowed himself entry regardless.

He was rendered motionless upon said entry.

There was something about Thomas as he slept that stunned Jimmy. His face was soft and pale under the moonbeam the trickled through the gap in his drapes. He looked so young and…ethereal. Delicate even. Jimmy found himself perching on the edge of his bed and his fingers tracing his cheekbone. Thomas made a soft noise in his sleep, turning toward the warmth.

Jimmy’s expression never changed instead he simply peeled back the covers causing Thomas to stir as he kicked of his slippers as he slid into bed next to him.

Thomas blinked rapidly at the sight before him, as if Jimmy was a mirage that would disappear. But there he was on his back next to him. Beautiful as ever.

“Hello.”  Jimmy glanced his way eyes almost grey in this light. “Hello.”

They lay quite a while in the quiet, then finally Jimmy rolled to his side, nudging under Thomas’ arm and resting his forehead in the elegant crook of the under-butler’s neck.

Thomas took in a soft breath and carded his hair as the man in his arms surrendered to slumber at last.  

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas is confused, Jimmy is confused, Thomas is jealous. And a stranger lurking in the hallway? I promise this gets happier at some point XD.

A soft _scratch, scratch, scratch_ , as Jimmy came to. I couldn’t have been later than five the sun barely filtering through the room and the world warm and orange around them. He blinked the sleep away and sighed leaning up on his elbow.

Thomas came into view pencil moving steadily over his paper from his seat on the floor and against the wall.

Jimmy cleared his throat and Thomas finally looked up.  He closed the book, face rosy.

“Oh…good morning.”

Jimmy knew he was in danger of overthinking so instead he just asked. “What were you drawing.” Thomas stood and shrugged.

“Nothing really…”

“Let me see?”

Thomas looked down at him, at the wide eyed earnest expression on Jimmy’s face, the genuine curiosity and he opened the book.

“Its…just a rough colour sketch.”

He handed him the drawing.

He had made Jimmy look heaven sent. His arm across his forehead and his lashes against his cheeks he got the shadow there…and his hair was like liquid gold.

It made Jimmy wonder how many times he had drawn him. The detail was exquisite.

“You’re talented to make me look like that in the morning.” He said modestly.

Thomas snatched his back laughing. “Don’t be daft you look like that. To me anyway.” He trailed off and their eyes met.

“I should get back my room.”

Thomas nodded. He went to the door and peeked out to see the coast was clear and then hurried Jimmy across the corridor. They stood for a second at either doorway and then Jimmy gave him a complicated smile and disappeared behind the door.

/

_The moon chalks him, as white as it’s shadowy beam and the morning softens his edges. A melancholy dream._

/

The whole next day Jimmy was a man of two halves. He was either avoiding Thomas while working or stuck to his side during the down time. Thomas felt like he was getting emotional whiplash.

The work portion of the day was a smudged recollection for Thomas. It was so second nature at this point.

The evening after service was far more interesting, he and Jimmy stayed up, energy still coursing through them from the good night’s sleep. They smoked, played cards and talked about life. Half way through a conversation about their lack of siblings, Thomas hissed out in pain. He clenched and unclenched his injured hand.

“It hurts still?”

“Mm…when the glove starts to rub and I use it too much. It’s been rather active lately.”

Jimmy blinked twice and them burst into uncontrollable laughter inviting some queer looks. “I bet it has.”  

Thomas flushed and shoved him roughly before succumbing to the giggles himself. Then slowly the laughs melted away from Jimmy’s eyes and he bit his lip and turned as the last of them finally went off to bed.

Thomas pretended to ignore the uneasy air.

“You should take it off…the glove, if it’s hurting an’ all.”

Thomas thought about it. He was ashamed to admit it was an insecurity of his. It wasn’t a neat or pretty wound. But he gave in and tugged it off finger by finger revealing the nastily scared flesh underneath. But Jimmy made not a gasp, nor did his expression change.

He stubbed out his cigarette and tilted his head. A long while went past where Thomas curiously beheld his fascination. Then Jimmy’s finger daintily reached out and brush over the healed wound. Thomas shivered at it. There was something so raw and intimate in that touch.

But Jimmy drew back too quick. Not wanting to frighten him he simply smiled and swept up the deck of card.

 “I should sleep.”

Thomas nodded, not looking up from shuffling them. “Alright.”

Lips met his cheek he froze. So did Jimmy. He pulled back his expression unclear as he got up. “Goodnight Thomas…” He disappeared in seconds out the door, Thomas brushing his fingers across his cheek, still feeling phantom lips.

He waited all night in anticipation. But Jimmy didn’t come.

/

Morning left Thomas depleted without a beautiful man wrapped around him when he woke. He reminded himself he was being selfish, but honestly…Thomas didn’t care he allowed himself for once to just feel bad.

Surprisingly he found Jimmy up before him sat at the table with food and a cup of tea while Daisy set the rest of the table around him.

“Thanks for this Daisy yer a diamond you are.” He groaned tucking into the breakfast.

“I wouldn’t expect it too often. Only because you asked so nicely.” She told him.

He nodded. “You’ll run this kitchen someday…” he said with a small smile. “And some man will fall in love with that feistiness.”

Daisy blushed beet red from head to toe and smiled bashfully, but when Thomas cleared his throat from the door way and she scuttled off.

Thomas moved his eyes back to Jimmy for some reason feeling a put out with Jimmy’s flirtiness.

“Morning.”

“Good morning James.” Thomas answered curtly.

Jimmy scowled, eyes zeroing in. “What? What now? What’s wrong with you.”

“Nothing is _wrong_ with me.” He lowered his voice bitterly. “Unless you count my blatant homosexuality, which personally I do not.”

“What? What are you on Thomas. I don’t care that you like men.” He hissed. “And you never call me James unless you’re annoyed with me so spit it out will ya?”

Thomas was stumped by the response. And to hear the words. “I don’t care that you like men.”… well, that had Thomas truly humbled.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It obvious do-“

“No…” Jimmy’s brow knitted together but Thomas just shook his head. “I was being silly… selfish. It doesn’t matter honestly.”

A moment went by and Jimmy considered the man sat opposite him, then a smirk came up onto his face. “Were you jealous?”

Thomas shook his head. “Don’t mock me…”

“I’m not… I quite like you jealous.”

Thomas’ lashes fluttered. “Oh…” Jimmy sipped his tea, Thomas wrung his hands, clearly nervous and clearly thinking too much.

“Just ask it…whatever is bubblin’ in that brain of yours.”

Thomas licked his lips and pressed them together, he looked around and then lowered his voice to a whisper. “Wh-Why didn’t you come last night? Did I do something?”

Jimmy placed his cup back on his saucer and sighed. “I had…things to sort out. Thoughts to think…”

Thomas felt a sudden weight lift. Jimmy wasn’t pushing them aside merely figuring things out.

“You’ll have to forgive me for a while if I’m…kinda here then there. I have a lot to figure out.” Thomas nodded “Of course…”

“And…and please don’t ask me what we are because I don’t know, I don’t know what this or who I am or who you are to me. I don’t really know anything anymore.”

“It’s okay.”

“All I know is that I can’t keep away from you for long. And I don’t know why or what that means or what’s happening here I just…”

“Stop…Jimmy, stop.” He placed a gentle hand on top of his.  And he did stop that one touch…it was like half the weight was gone already. “You don’t need to tell me anything. You don’t owe me anything. I’m here and I won’t leave you alone in this unless you ask me to.”

Jimmy nodded, completely dumb to anything but Thomas. Completely unaware of the person lurking outside the door.

/

_But shadows lurk: nightmare silhouettes, I must save him, I must take him ‘fore he gladly forgets,_

_What was worth all the pain in the first place._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A unwanted visitor arrives and gives Thomas an ultimatum that could ruin both his and Jimmy's lives for good.

“Jimmy...”

Jimmy smiled tight and shut the door behind him. “Hello.”

Thomas sat up on his bed as Jimmy perched on the end in his night clothes. “I’m sorry did I wake you?”

Thomas shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

Jimmy wrung his hands in his lap and stared at the empty space Thomas had left next to him. The older caught his line of vision and tugged the blanket back for him. Like a magnet Jimmy crawled into the bed, resting his weary head on Thomas’ chest.

“Your hearts beating so quick.”

Thomas laughed. “I’m alright.” He nudged his nose against the top of his head. “I promise.”

Jimmy made a soft noise and Thomas leaned over the snuff the candle.

“Wait…” Thomas stopped for him. “Let’s…talk or something. You left for bed early, we never got our end of the day debrief.”

Thomas chuckled. “I never knew it were tradition now.”

“It’s like you said aint it? It’s nice to talk to someone who cares what you say.”

Thomas hummed his agreement. “So, Lady Edith and Lady Mary were at it today.”

“I feel bad for Lady Edith…”

“Hmm? How so?” “She’s an attractive woman…maybe not stunning like her sister but…she’s a fireball, she’s got guts and strength. Yet no one marries her.”

“You like a girl with guts and strength?”

He sighed. “I like anyone who has guts or strength. Never had it m’self.”

Thomas let out a frustrated breath. “You’re too hard on yourself. Much too hard.”

Jimmy pushed himself up so he was half hovering over Thomas, the man beneath him ridged with wariness, too frightened to scare him off.

“Maybe you’re too sweet on me.”

Thomas took his bottom lip between his teeth. “Maybe…” he released his lip, pinker from the pressure. And Jimmy took a deep breath, leaned down and kissed him in a way Thomas had never been kissed before. Like the Earth for once being pulled to the moon. Jimmy collided with him in the softest way possible.

Most kisses Thomas had partaken in through life were rushed, rough and demanding. This was nothing of the sort. It was gentle, flowed like water brushing against the shore. Jimmy was exploring, testing. The kiss ended as chaste as it started, but Thomas couldn’t open his eyes as the shadow fell from his cheeks.

Jimmy cocked his head curiously. “What’re you doing?”

Thomas cracked his eyes open.  “Sorry.” He murmured.

Jimmy just closed his eyes too and sunk back to his chest.  “Mm you hear about the Duke passing through tommo-?”

Thomas sat bolt up, leaving Jimmy to drop to the mattress with a huff. “Thomas!” he hissed. “What the bloody…”

He stared a Thomas’s back, coming to realisation…” It’s him, isn’t it? The Duke…the one who…”

“When I say it didn’t end well…I really mean it Jimmy.” Jimmy leaned up on his elbows. “it ended in physical struggles and blatant threats”

“Thomas…surely there aint nothing he’d try with the Crawleys around…and he’s a Duke…one of the maids overheard that he had sent his men early to prepare the room. Surely he’ll have brought someone to dress him too if he’s so bloody particular.”

Thomas looked back at Jimmy the fear fading slightly. “Perhaps you’re right.” “I’m right quite a bit. It’s just that no one takes my word for it.”

Thomas laughed combing his hair from his eyes.

Jimmy tugged his sleeve. “C’mon there aint no use worrying yourself. A bad night’s sleep won’t do it any good.”

Thomas tuned back and smiled wearily as he fell back against the mattress. Jimmy put out the light and they were silently pressed together in dark.

“Jimmy?” “Yeah?”

“Thank you for coming tonight.”

/

_Like the sea to the moon, drawing me near, but misty skies make the image unclear._

 

/

Thomas was a nervous, irritable wreck all morning.... the Duke was to arrive after breakfast and they were to go hunting.

Which meant Thomas would have to dress the Duke twice if he had not brought a man. On the way back from breakfast Jimmy had pulled him into the boot room to fetch the hunt wear and ready it before the Duke’s arrival.

Thomas shine the buckle of a sash hard and Jimmy watched him lay into it. “Thomas are you…”

“I’m fine.” “You don’t…”

“I said I’m fine!” he spat. Jimmy scowled and turned away, folding the jacket onto the pile. Thomas watched him and sagged.

“I’m sorry Jimmy I-“

“These are wrinkled I’ll fetch a maid.”

He watched him go, the door slamming shut and he willed himself to breathe.

 

/

“Barrow, stop fidgeting man!” Carson hissed.  Thomas didn’t realise he was. He shot Jimmy a look but he didn’t meet it. And all he could think was: _come on Jimmy don’t phase out on me now._

The sound of wheels down the gravel track had never been less welcome to Thomas.

The car pulled to a stop and irony was cruel when Jimmy moved forward to do his job and let the Duke back into his life.

The man stepped out from the car, and suddenly the fear left and was replaced with bitterness and anger.

The Duke, Thomas noticed petulantly had not aged well, near bald at this point and wrinkled like an old leather chair.

He didn’t seem to notice the staff as they bowed their heads and curtsied, he instead greeted Robert with a big sickly-sweet smile.

“Ahh Robert! Downton still stands I see.” he cast his eyes around and caught sight of Thomas, his eyes lingered and Jimmy tried not to glare from the car. “Very much the same I am pleased to observe.” He turned away and went to greet the ladies. It made Thomas sick to the stomach to see him with Miss Sibyl. It calmed him momentarily to see his valet come out of the car behind.

/

“Barrow! May I speak to you.”

Thomas felt like he hadn’t stopped, the house had been hectic the whole morning through, let alone had a chance to apologise to Jimmy. He was breathless by the time he had reached Mr Carson.

“The Duke’s valet has come down with an illness and is in bed.” His heart dropped to the floor. “You should be honoured to hear he has requested you as his valet. He has, in his words, fond memories of the conversations you had last time he was here.”

Thomas was silent eyes lost somewhere in the past.

“Barrow?” Carson scowled. He snapped out of it. “Good lord man…what is wrong with you today?”

“Nothing Mr Carson…” he quickly answered. “I-I would be honoured… yes.”

“Very good.” He nodded him away.

/

Jimmy was ready to punch the imposter who had pulled him into the boot room so sharply. When he realised it was Thomas he almost wanted to punch him more because of the way he had treated him that morning.

Until he saw his face, like a cowering or wounded animal…he was biting his thumb and pacing.

“Is there a reason you yanked my arm off or…”

“He’s doing it again. Fuck he’s…relentless.”

“Thomas…speak in sentences that make sense.”

He stopped and pressed his forehead to the wall and told Jimmy what Carson had just told him.

“Thomas, you don’t have a choice do you? You have to go.”

“Jimmy…” “Listen…just…walk into that room like you would with any other of the uppers. And if he makes a move… bottom of the rung or not you have every right to refuse him.”

“It’s not so simple.” “Yes, it is.” He turned him around. “You’re a human not a plaything.”

Thomas stared down, adoration all over his expression, Jimmy taken aback by it as always.

“I’m sorry I was such a…”

“Prick…”

“Yeah.” He laughed. Jimmy shrugged with an accompanied sigh.

“I’ve done worse to you.” Thomas opened his eyes, Jimmy assumed to comfort him like he always did but he shook his head and handed him the clothes. “You need to go.”

Thomas took them and nodded. “Thank you, my love.”

It was so naturally and mindlessly said that it left Jimmy jarred and stuck still even after Thomas was gone.

/

Thomas had to breathe deep before he knocked and put on the mask he wore for the rest of world. The man’s voice came through and he turned to him with a sly smile.

“Good afternoon Thomas.”

Thomas blinked and murmured: “Good afternoon your Grace. “as he shut the door.

He got to work setting out the clothes over the chair, laying it out neatly as for the quickest possible job. Then he felt hands on his waist and shudder crawl up his spine. He froze.

“Well my boy you have aged beautifully.” Thomas let out a breath and carried on sorting the outfit.

“Thank you, your Grace.”

“So cold with me…we didn’t leave on the best of terms my sweet. But I think I can make up to you.”

Upon feeling a hand slide over his crotch, he snapped around and pushed it away, a fire in his eyes. The Duke eyed him impressed. “I always did like your spark. Come my boy…kiss me…”

“I don’t wish to... _your Grace_.”

There was a pregnant pause. Something dark came into his eyes, something smarmy and power crazy and Thomas didn’t like it a bit.

“I will rephrase…you _will_ kiss me.”

But Thomas remained still, defiant and expressionless. The Duke laughed a humourless laugh and turned, wandering over to the window.

“I suppose this is to do with the pretty little footman you have in the gutters downstairs.” Thomas went blank, the blood draining from his face and running cold. “Mm that’s right I know…” he turned to him. “You think I sent my man early to ‘prepare my room’. Oh my sweet you know better than most I like to make a mess. I sent him to seek you my dear! And he seemed to have found you in the midst of a very interesting conversation with young…Jimmy was it? ”

He pinched his chin, but Thomas turned his face out of the hold.

“Put it this way my cherub… I like to get what I want. If you don’t give me that then I will turn to that pretty little thing you admire so much.”

Thomas said nothing, he felt faint.

“And if he denies me…well…say goodbye to your lives as you know them.” He winked and took a sip of gin. “Mm and another thing, if you were tell a soul, including your dirty little secret… that too will be the end of you both. You will come to me tonight, you get on your knees and service me like a good servant should…” He patted his cheek. “Now…shall we get on with job at hand my lovely boy, you have made me awfully late.”

Thomas nodded weakly, shaky hands as he picked up the shirt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas gives in to the Dukes commands. But will the secrecy drive a wedge between him and Jimmy? TRIGGER: eluding to a scene of dubious consent.

Jimmy couldn’t help but notice, that the rest of the day seemed to go eerily well. Thomas had told him the Duke didn’t talk to him much…merely tried to tease him about their past.

Apart from a couple of queer looks throughout lunch in the grounds the man seemed as interested in Thomas as he was the rest of the staff.

The only thing awry was Thomas…he seemed dazed and distracted all day, mishearing instruction, setting plates and cutlery incorrectly. He was quiet a way away from being himself. There were no smiles for Jimmy before dinner either.

“What’s wrong eh… ayou still frettin’ about the Duke?” Thomas lit his 10th cigarette in 15 minutes and let the smoke billow and ribbon to the stars.

“There’s nothing wrong. I’m alright. I’m just dandy.”

“Tell that to yer poor lungs.”

Thomas flicked the cigarette and looked over at him, considering him gently, gloomily. “I’m sorry.”

“What the hell for?”

Thomas took a long drag of his cigarette but shook his head. “Nothing.”

“I’m getting sick of that word.”

They were silent a little longer, Jimmy’s mind flitting around trying to figure the riddle before him. Then Jimmy remembered the last time they were here underneath the stars. Those lips, that thrill of excitement. “You called me your love earlier.”

Thomas was befuddled. “I did?”

“Yeah…so do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Do you love me?”

A beat and then Thomas turned him, a hand on each side of his neck and his cig simmering out smoke around them. “Of course, I love you…do you think a man would risk all I risked because I wanted a cheap and quick shag. I told you the first month I knew you that I loved you.”

Jimmy blushed, eyes dropping to the floor. “Mm, that you did. I’ll never understand why.”

He sighed and let his hand drop to his shoulders. “I’m man enough to admit that at first it were your beauty. But from then it were this.” He put a palm gently on the left side of the footman’s chest, causing it to jump under his touch. “You could have been so much crueller than you were and you don’t seem to understand it. After Thirsk, you could’ve left it at that, carried on the coldness. You could have pressed further with the Plods and ignored his Lordships advice, had me locked up. I always knew there was something in you that was sweet, something brave, something kind. I knew all that bravado and pride and anger couldn’t be you. I knew because it were the same pride I used to keep the rest at arm’s length.” He briefly swept his thumb across his cheekbone.  “Though I suppose your beauty still don’t hurt either.” He laughed.

Jimmy was silent for a second pondering his word. “Well. That’s quite the speech, I won’t be able to compete with that. For that…you may call me your love.”

Thomas laughed out loud his eyes sparkling and Jimmy felt marginally appeased.

“W-will you come tonight?”

“Maybe…probably. I s-sleep better in your room. Must be the breeze… its warmer in there.”

“The breeze, yes...”

 

/

“Mm what a sight for sore eyes… good evening, my sweet.” Thomas said noting as he closed the door laying the pile of clothes on the chair. Philip leaned back on elbows on the bed, swirling his glass lazily. “Come now Thomas try and enjoy yourself.”

“My name is Barrow, your Grace. Maybe we should stick to it in case you get too excited in the heat of the moment, you always were quite a slave to pleasure. Or your own at least.”

Philip stood with a dark chuckle placing his glass on the dresser and pulling Thomas to him sharply by his jacket and spinning him so the light hit Thomas’ face. “Oh, don’t you worry dear boy, I have plans to include you this time around.”

He shoved him, with more force than Thomas was expecting back onto the bed and advanced like a hawk on his prey.

/

Jimmy knew there was something wrong as soon as Thomas came down to kitchen. Which was buzzing as Mrs Patmore started to serve things up. There was a slight limp in his step and he was combing his hair into place. That’s not what bothered him so much…Thomas had a look about him.

He looked positively haunted.

“Thomas…what…”

“Mr Barrow! Please explain to me _why_ you are walking like that.”

“Oh it’s…it’s nothing I was rushing down to get here on time and I slipped. I’ll be fine to serve Mr Carson.”

“My, how the tables have turned…” Bates nattered slyly as he passed.

“My limp shall go Mr Bates. You on the other hand walk like an infant will a full nappy until the day you drop.” He snapped. “I will remind you, you are beneath me.”

“In nothing but rank.”

“Mr Bates.” Anna appeared like an angel and pulled him away. “Do not torment him, he has had a stressful day.” He heard her say as she led him off.

Jimmy was concerned but he could do little more than clap his shoulder before they were given the first course.

/

“Good lord Barrow, is this a new sort of jig I haven’t hear of? Or have you lost totally control of your bottom half.” The Dowager asked haughtily.

Philip chuckled over his goblet, Thomas was taken aback for a second.

“No M’lady, I was rushing to get to the kitchen before service and slipped.”

“And here I was thinking you were the one with grace.”

Thomas said nothing and just returned to his spot, humiliated as Carson apologised profusely for something that was hardly Thomas’ fault.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on him Violet.” Philip drawled he met his eyes. “He’s a good boy really.”

Jimmy watched Thomas from across the room and he closed his eyes momentarily and he’d never found it so hard to stand still in his life.

Robert piped up. “We have been working you particularly hard of late Thomas even after you were ill, after the week is up, take a day.”

“Thank you M’lord.”

At least there was a glimmer of light at the end of this week. He looked to Jimmy whose eyes were boring into him.

Well…two glimmers.

/

Thomas thought Jimmy may not come… he waited cross legged on his bed for at least an hour after when he had usually come. But just as he was about to give in and call it a night, Jimmy arrived, not bothering to knock on the door and making Thomas jump out his skin.

“Christ Jimmy.” He gave him a crooked smile. “Sorry.” He fiddled with little leather book in his hand.

“What’s that?” Thomas questioned curiously.

“Something I’ve never shown anyone till now.” He told him, nonchalant but the way he gripped the book told Thomas otherwise. He moved over and settled down on the other end of the bend and Thomas crawled up next to him, resting on his knees gingerly.

 Jimmy opened the book. The book at first was page after page of prose, filled with the funniest wittiest writings and the most beautiful imagery and metaphor, then as the dates at the top of each passage moved into the 20’s, Jimmy slipped into straight out poetry.

“It’s what I do to get my thoughts out. I’m not much good at saying things out loud. So, I write them in here.”

Thomas found a particular passage about him after the date of the Thirsk fair. He read it out loud softly.

“For a while now I thought him a snake. Slimy creature, cold blooded ready to pounce on the nearest pretty boy that took his fancy. And me the man who charmed him without ever meaning to. But now he’s different. Sat there across the room, his face blotted with black and blue all for me and with a smile like he was happy for it. He looks so different when he smiles. I reckon he’d easily snap any woman he wanted up if he were inclined that way.”

“I feel so bad for it now… calling you that… a snake. I was like all the rest, weren’t I?”

“You were scared my love, fear like love makes fools of us all. And you write so beautifully…you should send something off. Have a word with Lady Edith.” he closed the book before he got to the poem, but Jimmy was glad, he didn’t think he could stand anymore. Jimmy took the book. As he looked back, their faces were close, Thomas’s lashes fluttered shut, he tilted his and decided to go in for the kill.

“What really happened tonight in that room?”

The under butler stiffened. Then he sighed and pulled away. “I told you…” he started as he got under the covers.

“A lie, Thomas.”

“Jimmy please don’t make this harder for me.”

“I just want an answer. I tell you everything, things I’ve never told anyone, I thought I was that for you as well?” he stood up and Thomas was terrified of him leaving

“You are. But I can’t tell you _this_.” Thomas’ eyes were pleading. “Jimmy please… just forget it and trust that I can take care of us.”

“I’m not your little wifey waiting at home for you to take care of business. Stop treating me like a child.”

Thomas closed his eyes and made a noise of frustration his hands buried in his hair pulling it free from its slicked hairdo.

“Bugger this.” Jimmy furrowed his brow and made to leave but Thomas was quick to scramble out of bed, only stumble and take in a sharp gasp, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. In pain. He leaned against the chipped wooden chair for support.

Soon, very soon, Jimmy’s anger dissipated. Thomas before him, giving him major flashbacks to the day in that passage. Thomas Barrow had thrown himself in front of a bullet and was willingly suffering for him, yet again.

Jimmy turned back, his hand sliding around his waist, gentle, like he was cradling a precious and breakable bit of china. Thomas met his eyes, so exhausted and so very grateful.

The footman helped him back to bed and slid under the blanket himself, but this time he didn’t fall, tiered to his chest. No, he hovered over him, legs bracketing the other’s hips. Thomas looked up at him, hand caressing his cheek and Jimmy leaned into it, body melting, each muscle draining the tension.

He kissed Thomas under a sweet spell, it was passionate, it was fluid and powerful and reduced Jimmy to trembles. And for once, it felt equal. Thomas too shaking like a leaf, hands buried in Jimmy’s soft curls. And the heat grew, the fire intensified until they were pressed so close together they were one. Then it got too much and Jimmy snapped back.

“Wait!” he breathed hand against Thomas’ chest, pushing him down.

Thomas panted. “God I’m sorry Jimmy. I couldn’t help…”

“No, I just…not yet. I’m sorry I can’t…”

“Shh. It’s okay…” he pressed a soft kiss to his forehead and pulled him down into the crook of his neck, cradling the back of his head. “I’ve got you, my love.”

“Thomas…”

“Yeah?”

“What if I called you love?”

“…It would make me incessantly happy.”

/

_Oh, my love… they wish to ruin you, to mar the picture, kill your mind. I promise you till they get me too, my arms will pay you back in kind._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's later than usual pudding pops ;) Thomas is beginning to crack, Jimmy talks to Lady Edith about something that could potential create a new life for them.

To wake up again, wrapped around Jimmy was a dream. It felt like a dream, the sun cracked into the room and lit him up, softened him…He was a man of considerable height and build, but something about him in that moment reminded Thomas of a child. Something so precious and innocent. And it made all the pain worth it. What pain? How could pain be real? How could the Duke exist in the same world as Jimmy… it seemed too farfetched to believe? Maybe Thomas _had_ dreamt him up?

He stirred him Thomas’ arms, nuzzling gently against his collar bone and inhaling.

“Hmmm.” The noise was content, sweet…and almost domestic. Thomas held him closer, tightening his arms. Never in his life did Thomas imagine he would end up in this sort of position. Sex was almost doable for him but love…finding love for someone like Thomas was meant to be impossible.

“Thomas...its nice yer so happy to see me but you’re crushing my lungs.”

The underbutler loosened them and Jimmy blushed looking up and him bashful. “ Morning. What time is it?”

“You have five minutes, it will be at least 10 before the rest will be up, Mrs Patmore and Daisy won’t come up after all.”

He nodded and huffed. “I don’t wanna work…”

“It’s either that or we’re tossed to the curb.”

“Do you ever just think how unfair it is…that we have our whole lives run for us, we have near no rights, have to pander to the uppers…just because we was born to the wrong parents. And you. You have to live with worse…”

“You shouldn’t dwell on it. Not when it’s not likely to change.” He ran his fingers through the end of the younger’s curls. “You need a haircut…before Carson says something.

He puffed and sat up. “See! That there. Even my fucking hair style is decided by a bunch of jumped up, toffee nosed-“

“Breath sweetheart.” Thomas chuckled. Jimmy tilted his head a little taken aback.

“I like sweetheart.”

Thomas beamed. “Mm good, now move yer arse I need t’get dressed.” Jimmy made a noise of protest and he was flipped onto his back.”

“You said we had five minutes!”

“I said you have five minutes. I take longer to get dressed.” He stood up gingerly. Jimmy’s watched him as he pulled his t-shirt over his head, he blushed, voice dropped down to a solemn tone.

“Is the Duke’s valet still taken ill?”

Thomas paused in putting on his vest and the footman witnessed the muscles in his back tense. He felt bad that there was a part of him that found it incredibly attractive in such a serious moment.

“I expect so.” He pulled the vest over his head

“Thomas is he hurting you?”

The older straightened out his vest and turned to him. “Jimmy…stop fussing.” He moved back over to the bed and cupped his cheek. “I can look after myself”

Jimmy closed eyes and his eyes dropped to his hands as Thomas’ palm pulled away.

“You should get back to your room…” he wandered over to the door and cracked it open, peeking out. Jimmy came up behind him. “Good to go.”

He let Jimmy out of the room, guilty at the sadness in his expression. “I love you.”

Jimmy turned back to him and leaned up, capturing his lips gently for a few seconds… and Thomas could have just died and gone to heaven.

“I know…” the younger told him. But with some other sentence bubbling somewhere behind his eyes.

/

_Go steady love and keep your precious head, but give your heart unto me instead. God knows you don’t have a clue what you’re doing with it…let alone mine. Give me your heart and all will be fine._

/

“Well apparently Lord and Lady Crawford have taken to having their staff join in the conversation at dinner.” Cora said, as Robert poured over the newspaper.

“How very distasteful.” Robert scowled. Then he met Tom’s eyes over the table. “No offence Tom…”

Edith spoke up.  “I think it’s great.”

“You would.” Mary rolled her eyes.

“It’s about time we start realising that servants are human beings.” she carried on regardless.  “Without them you wouldn’t be drinking that tea or wearing those clothes.”

“Oh, I’d have to agree with you Lady Edith.” Philip exclaimed. Thomas took in a deep breath as he poured him his tea. “Why I fiercely enjoy having close relationships with all my men. Frightfully interesting people, servants. Why take Mr Barrow here…” Both Jimmy and Thomas tensed. “He is a most interesting young man. Very…multi-talented…very quick witted…intelligent. Why he has as many redeeming…assets as any upper-class gentleman I’ve ever met and a little more than some I know.”

He sipped his tea and Thomas straightened up, cleared his throat and moved away, he looked green, sickly and Jimmy wanted to dive over the table and strangle the rotten prick blue. “Thank you…your Grace.”

Thomas couldn’t stand the way the Crawleys looked at him… so impressed. Not when he knew that he had earnt the Duke’s favour only by being his whore and bending over for him.

“And I daresay, these two men in particular are far too good looking, they make me feel so old.”

The women showered him flatteries as he met Jimmy at the trays. Jimmy let his thumb brush Thomas’s thumb, let it graze it. It was a small gesture…but it was enough to get Thomas through breakfast.

/

Luckily, when lunch was served, Carson decided to take Thomas’ place.

“You look sickly again Barrow, it will not do… I will call for Mr Mosely and you will rest until you are needed by his Grace this evening.”

Thomas didn’t argue. He locked himself in his room. He thought he could get some sleep, but no luck. Then he foolishly let him mind wander to Jimmy, it meant that he was caught between happiness and extreme longing. The conversations they’d had coming back to him.

_“You ever think of just running away.”_

Or…

_“Do you ever just think how unfair it is…”_

Yes. Yes, to both. It was incredibly unfair and if he had the chance, he would not hesitate to run. But that chance was not likely to come.

/

“M’lady…may I have a quick word with you?” Edith paused, dark eye scanning Jimmy as he approached her on her way to her room to change.

“You may. What can I do for you James.”

“I heard you were in touch with many talented writers, including yourself of course m’lady.”

“I am…” she smiled.

He handed her a book. Not his personal, mahogany leather that he had shown Thomas, but a secondary one, full of writings but devoid of anything incriminating. “I thought I would ask if you would maybe read some of my own…and if you see fit, you may pass then on to whoever you choose m’lady.”  


“I didn’t know you could write James?”

He scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t blame you m’lady, most people wouldn’t guess it.” “Hmm well I shall look over your work most intently.”

“If you don’t mind m’lady… and I apologise if this is too…forward. But may I ask just one more favour.” He used his beauty to sway her this time, looking up under his lashes and biting his lip.

“Of course…” she said without a thought.

“You employer hires artist and illustrators in your magazine as well as photographers. And well..I have seen some of his work…and m’lady Mr  Barrow is such a talented artist.”

 “My, you do surprise me more and more James! Do you have any of his work to hand?”

“Not on me m’lady. But if I could get it to you by tonight? Send it up with your lady’s maid in an envelope maybe?”

“Yes, I can’t see why not.” She allowed looking positively bemused. “Its very kind of you to recommend him James.”

“Not at all m’lady, his work speaks for itself.” “Well, I look forward to a…barrage of talent.”

“Thank you m’lady you are most kind.”

/

Jimmy was absolutely brimming with excitement as he knocked on Thomas’ door. “Yes?”

Jimmy came in a big smile on his face and even drowned in his misery Thomas couldn’t bare not to smile back.

“What a nice sight. What’re you so chirpy about?”

“You’re going to love me forever.”

“That’s the plan…”

“Shut up for a second” he bounded over and sat on the end of his bed cross legged. “Remember you told me I should send some of my stuff off?”

“Yes…” he laughed brushing Jimmy’s fallen hair away from his eyes. Jimmy smiled gratefully.

“Well I passed some on to Lady Edith…” “Jimmy…that’s amazing I…”

“Uh-uh, I’m not done. I had a word.” He bit his lip. “She wants to see some of your drawings…your paintings…”

Thomas opened his mouth and closed it. “I-I don’t know Jimmy…”

“Why not!? You’re so good Thomas!”

The elder’s eyes thawed. “That’s real sweet my love, but you aren’t the on who has the power to reject me. I think you think I’m better than I actually am.”

“And I think you’re a man who your whole life has been told you aint just peachy as you are.” Thomas smiled. “C’mon Thomas, this could be our chance to get out of here. And even if it aint…at least we gave a shot yeah?”

Thomas’s eyes wandered all the way to the window thoughtfully, before they returned to a hopeful Jimmy. “Fine… I’ll rip out a few of the better pages, some of the less incriminating ones too.”

Jimmy grinned from ear to ear and pulled him by his waistcoat into a firm kiss. Then he pulled back slow his eyes wide, surprised at himself.

Thomas smirked and caressed his jawline with his thumb. “You are so very special my love.”

/

Being in the room with Philip was such a stark contrast from Jimmy. He was even rougher with him tonight. Luckily, the salve Thomas had stolen from the stocks for his soreness was working. He would apply some when he got downstairs. However this time, he was left with such awful bruises, littering his back and frotn in shades of red that were sliding the scale to black and blue. Though the salve would sooth them…Thomas could see in the ornate mirror across from him that they looked horrendous.

 After Philip was done with him he grunted and rolled over. Then after he had recovered, he slapped Thomas on his already sore ass .

“Come then my cherub, back to business.” “I thought it was business, your Grace. I’m surprised you haven’t thrown a handful of notes my way.”

“Oh my sweet… I pay you enough with compliments to your employer.”

“I don’t want them.”

Philip yanked his head up roughly by his hair. “Do not become a brat Thomas it will do you no favours.” He shoved him back down. “Now… be a love and fetch me my shirt.”

/

Dinner service went a little better, Philip kept his comments to himself and with the help of the salve, Thomas as a lot less sore than yesterday.

“Oh, James? Barrow?” Edith called them as she left early for bed, they turned away from the drinks both a little surprised.

“M’lady…” Thomas greeted.

“I’ve looked over your works…” They both nodded anxious and wound tight in anticipation. “They’re brilliant…both of you. I’d be happy to send them to my editor and see what he thinks.”

Jimmy felt the urge to hug the woman but he instead let out a soft, astounded laugh. “Thank you so much m’lady.”

“Yes thankyou…really. You did not have to this.” “Oh it’s my pleasure. You are part of our history Barrow and James you can be very persuasive.”

He blushed, modest. “Thank you m’lady.”

“Good night to both of you.”

/

That night they were both full of beans, excitement running through them in tendrils and Jimmy like a kid at Christmas. By the time he’d made it to Thomas’ room his cheeks ached from all the happiness.

He greeted Thomas with and enthusiastic kiss that took him by surprise. The elder made a soft noise in the back of his throat. “Mm, hello.” He chortled against his lips.

“Hello...” He was turning pink. He couldn’t find it in himself to pull away though…hope made Jimmy brave, even with this. Suddenly this small dingy and dark room felt like a palace, with crystal glimmering above then marble under their feet. Suddenly he was in a world where loving Thomas didn’t feel so scary.

“Lord above…I love you, don’t I?”

Thomas blinked, eyes large and dumbfounded, his heart was soaring, and god there were tears in his eyes. Before he could answer Jimmy kissed him again, harder…passionate. So passionate it shook Thomas to his very core. It was the type of kiss that after it happened you know you’d never be the same.

The kiss unravelled. They unravelled… like frayed coils of ribbon until they were pulling at each other, hands in hair and pressed close, tangled so damn tight.

And when Jimmy lowered his hips and Thomas whined into his open mouth…this time they didn’t stop.

They rutted, clothes on like teenagers. In some other mood, the hard line of Thomas’ cock would have terrified him, but he was brave tonight…so brave and he ground into it with purpose, hand’s pressed to the man’s chest.

His eyes were fixed on Thomas, watching as this proud man fell apart beneath him and so fucking beautifully. Sweaty…trembling.

“Jimmy…oh god…” “Uuuh…sh-shit. Thomas…” It was the beginning of his finish. Good god, did it feel like heaven.

“Oh my sweet boy…that’s it… I’ve got you. You’re so good for me.”

He came. He came so hard. So hard the world went white and he blacked out.

When he came to, after a short few seconds, he found Thomas in the same sort of state. For a while they just panted, foreheads pressed together and Thomas cradling his hips.“Thomas…”

He was about to lean over and kiss him, and he would have… if he didn’t catch the sight of his exposed hip, turned black and blue like blotted ink. The bruises…finger like in shape were still red around the edges. They were new.

After the long pause, Thomas opened his eyes, caught his line of vision and tugged his shirt back down, sitting up stiff as a board.

Jimmy leaned back too. “Thomas…” he was lost for words and he was slowly piecing it all together. “Did-did he do that to you…” The footman was livid, he felt the anger build and scorch behind his eyes. Thomas closed his eyes. “Thomas is he making you…do things.”

“Please don’t make me talk about it…please this-this here with you. It’s my happiness. Don’t let him…”

“Thomas, you need to tell someone.” “I can’t.

“Yes you can! With those bruises? What in the world would you suffer like that for…”

“For you! You great idiot! Who else.” He hissed.

Jimmy’s eyes fluttered completely nonplussed. “What the hell do I have to do with it?” “For fuck sake Jimmy he knows! Lord knows what exactly, but he knows at the very least that I adore every single inch of you and that you have been coming to my room and are fond of me too. And if I don’t … _please_ him, then he’ll turn to you to spite me and if he turns to you and you won’t accept then we’re well and truly buggered. So no, I can’t run to Crawley’s and neither can you. As long as I keep him satisfied… he’ll be gone when the week is up and we can have our peace and that’s that.”

Jimmy felt as though he had been doused in cold water, he felt woozy, head spinning.

“I…Thomas.”

“Please…for now can we just forget it. Can’t I just hold you?” He looked so shattered as he said it. So tired.

“No.” Thomas sagged. “No I’m holding you tonight.”

Thomas shut his eyes in complete relief. “Jimmy…”

He just shook his head and pulled Thomas down onto his chest. His fingers splayed on the back of his neck and his other hand caressed down his spine, trying devotedly to release the tension.

“I meant what I said... about loving you, y’know? Now I’ve never been more sure.”

“I love you too.”

“I know…maybe too much.”

/

_A bird been clipped, such broken wings… and still in his cage, my angel sings. And sings for me, a sweet sweet song. Time to return to the place you belong._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not at all sure about this chapter but let me know what you think! The Duke is getting worse and Jimmy can't stand by for another second.

It was a shame, Jimmy thought, that Thomas was gay. Not in the way that you might assume, Jimmy merely thought that Thomas would make a woman exceedingly happy, he was strong…he was highly intelligent, selfless beyond reason and Jimmy was no longer afraid to admit he was uncommonly beautiful for a man. He could help but think if Thomas liked girls…if hadn’t fallen for Jimmy, he could have had such a nice life.

But as Thomas told him repeatedly, he shouldn’t dwell on the things he couldn’t change. And honestly, he didn’t want Thomas to change.  Looking at him now, so serene with Jimmy around him…dark lashes resting on his cheekbones and lips full and puckered…Jimmy couldn’t bear to think back to the days where he had thought him so wretched.

He pushed his night shirt up over his hip, and very gently let his fingers brush over the abused skin. So very gently, leaning up on his elbow, as if he was trying wash away the horrendous events of the night before…banish it from the elder’s memories.

Thomas must have realised it while he came too because he smiled down at him, full of tenderness. “Almost like they never happened…” he whispered.

Jimmy looked up at him. “Hello.”

“Hello sweet boy.”

Jimmy smiled. “We have while yet. It’s early…”

“Mm…”

Jimmy leant down and kissed him, slow and steady and moved back just an inch. “It’s weird…”he murmured. “How things work out…” “How do you mean?”

“Five or so days ago if you’d ask me if I’d ever fall in love with a man…I’d have grabbed yer by your neck and given you a good beating. If it wasn’t for that prick upstairs you’d have been waiting months…years even for me to admit it.”

“Well…at least he’s of some use to us then.”

“I’ll get you out of this I’ll…I’ll think of something.”

Thomas grimaced…it wasn’t about to happen, his grand escape from Philip’s clutches. But he would humour Jimmy for a second. “Think away sweetheart.”

/

Jimmy was pouring over it all day and this time _he_ was the distracted one. Thomas kept having to coax him out of his reveries.

“You think too much, it’s always been your problem.”

“The downfalls of being a writer I suppose.”

“Hm.” His eyes wandered over to the piano. “Wish I could play that like you…”

Jimmy followed his line of vision. “I wouldn’t call me a pro…I only know a couple of tunes.” He swivelled back to him, considering his face. “I could teach you some… if you like? I reckon we have time to teach you the first part of Fur Elsie.”

“Yeah?” Thomas smiled and stubbed out his cigarette. “Alright…show me what you can.”

/

Twenty minutes later Jimmy had him playing the whole first section almost perfectly, with the exception of a few clunky notes.

“I knew you’d be a natural.” Jimmy smirked. “You got the steady hands of an artist…long fingers too.”

Thomas smirked as Jimmy held out his hand, next to his to compare. “So I do.” Their eyes met just as the bell rang for the Duke’s room. They both closed those eyes momentarily.

“I’ll see you at dinner service.” Thomas murmured standing up and straightening himself out.

“Thomas…”

The underbulter looked down at the pain written through every line of Jimmy’s face. “I’ll be okay…” he promised.

And Jimmy had to turn away and let him go.

/

Thomas wasn’t in the room for a moment before he was being shoved against the door and his mouth being invaded. He made a noise of protest as he was dragged over to the bed and pinned down.

“Mm hello my sweet.”

Thomas just stared at him expressionless as he took his belt from the floor, expecting it to come down on him. But instead his hands were tied, at a quickness of pace that Thomas could barely fathom. He struggled against it but the Duke brought his hand down and Thomas took a slap to his face.

“Behave.”

Thomas just fell back to sheets and lay stoic.  “Fine..do what you wish.”

“Hmmm, there’s my good boy.”

He yanked down the younger’s trousers and underwear and ordered him onto his front as he retrieved his walking cane, unbeknownst to Thomas.

/

“Christ Thomas what has he done…” Jimmy gasped and Thomas made his way down the stairs, doubled over and clutching his side.

“It doesn’t matter…”

“How can you say that. C’mon we have a few minutes before the gong.” He led Thomas back up to his room, supporting him half way up the stairs and when he could no longer walk and practically dragged him the rest of the way. “’Ere we are… sit down…”

Thomas collapsed onto the mattress with a squeak, leant back against the pillows, face ghostly and pale, his body ridged with agony.

“Undo the vest and lift yer shirt…” Thomas cracked open his eyes and fixed Jimmy with a pained gaze, but Jimmy stood his ground. Painful or not…the injuries needed tending to “If you don’t, I will…”

So Thomas did. He slowly and tentatively loosened the brass buttons and let the waistcoat fall open. He then untucked his dress shirt and pulled it up over his ribs, revealing the mess underneath with shame lain in every ounce of his silhouette.

Jimmy had to collect himself after a moment of staring at the injuries in horror, the large bruising marks and the swelling cuts over his ribs.

He floated forward and kneeled on the floor next to the bed, finger tips barley touching it and still causing Thomas to gasp out.

“Thomas… Maybe I should be the one to dress him tomorrow.” “No…”

“Thomas your body…your mind even…”

“No. I- I won’t let you. That’s f-final. Besides at least one of us should bd unharmed…to help the other, I cant look after you in a state like this.”

Jimmy shook his head his voice cracking as he asked what he could do to help. Thomas told him of the salve instead.

But even the salve didn’t stop Thomas from all the pain in his ribs…Jimmy was sure he had a rib broken and so dinner was barrage of haughty comments from the Dowager yet again.

“Dear Lord, he’s at it again. It’s like an underground rave.”

“Are you sure you’re okay Barrow?” Robert spoke up over his mother.

“I’m fine M’lord…” he said tightly. “The…injury from the other day is just…playing up is all.”

“Oh! So you aren’t descended from the rabbit with a lame leg…well now we know.”

Lord Grantham straightened up. “Mother please…” she made a face  as she lifted her glass. “Take the morning off Thomas…and I suppose you too James as he is struggling to move. Take him down to the doctor and get yourself checked out Barrow.”

Thomas nodded as did Jimmy. “Thank you M’lord.

“Very good M’lord.”

Philip snickered into his champagne.

/

_I’ll cover you my angel, steady that shaky step, cloak you in warmth and with every agony soaked breath, sooth the lines forming on your brow. And for now… my angel, I will shield you in dead of the night, protect your person from the chilly bite of a bitter winter come to suck the soul from your figure with a mouth to mouth kiss of death.  Oh don’t you see… not matter the extent or depth of your wounds… you shall always be beautiful to me. My poor sweet thing._

/

“Shit! Ah…ouch.” “I know, I know, sorry…” Jimmy murmured as he wrapped the bandage tight around his bare torso.  “Mm there we go… that should tide you over till mornin’” he tied the bandage in a little bow .

“Thank you…” Thomas breathed reaching for his shirt.

“No…” Jimmy blushed. “K-keep it off.”

Thomas nodded. “Oh, okay…” then he laughed trying to lighten mood. “But…if you’re planning to do what we did last night…it’s not gonna help create the mood.”

Jimmy stayed kneeled between his knees and turned his eye up toward him. He kept his gaze on Thomas even when he pulled his night shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor beside him.

Thomas blinked hastily, his eyes shyly roaming Jimmy’s form. The last time he had seen Jimmy like this had been by chance in the first week he was at Downton. He was still as stunning as the day he arrived. He opened his mouth to say something but Jimmy had cupped his cheeks and brought their lips together, so very soothing and devoted it killed any words beginning to form.

After a while he pulled back and let is hand rest in awe on is bare chest. “I don’t suppose the Duke ever payed much mind to bringing you off too?”

The older man shook his head heart aflutter. “Not that he could even if he did his best.” Jimmy nodded intently and pulled back the covers from over Thomas’s lap. His hand slid down to the hem of his pyjama pants.

“Mm…I’m not like him am I though?” his fingertips slid just barley under the waistband and Thomas shivered, goose bumps wracking him from head to toe.

“Never.”

“Never…” Jimmy repeated and slipped his hand under, letting out a soft noise when his hand met the other man’s cock. Thomas bucked and immediately regretted it as pain shot through him. He hissed and Jimmy carefully put a palm on his abdomen to push him down.

“Shh stay still will yer? And just…relax…”

Thomas nodded, eyes hooded and he gazed up at him.  The footman’s hand circled his cock a he freed it from the confines of his pants.

For a moment, Jimmy just stared at it. Thomas in his hand like that. It was undeniably erotic but the long look had Thomas shifting uncomfortably.

“Are-are you okay.” He asked and Jimmy let his thumb caress the tip. “Hnn, shit…”

“I’m just fine…” he smirked. Thomas burst into giggles, eyes bright with joy and hands coming up, covering his face.

“You cheeky little…aa-aah!” he whined.

“Shh…” Jimmy kissed him quiet as his hand moved up and down over his length. Thomas panted against his lips, sweat breaking out over his furrowed brow as that hand quickened.

“Oh Jimmy… fuck!” he whimpered.

Precum came, slicking him and Jimmy’s hand glided. Up and down, harder, quicker…then he’d slow again and Thomas would cover his face and tremble.

“No… show me yer face.” Jimmy brushed his hands away almost as desperate as the other man was. “You’re so handsome Thomas… let me see it.”

He reached up, burying his hands in his hair and kissed Jimmy, muffling his high keen as he came over his fist in thick ropes. And god Jimmy never saw anything more incredible. Him rising from the bed numb from the pain and illuminated like a star.

His dissolved into the bed as Jimmy let him go, examining his covered hand inquisitively. “Hmm are you okay. Did I hurt you Thomas? Was it okay?” he used his spare hand to stroke his lover’s cheek.

Thomas laughed soft and breathless. “Oh, my sweet boy…I think you have the evidence all over your hand…there’s a flannel in the drawer if you…”

Jimmy nodded and reached over to the drawer, pulling it open and using the flannel to wipe off his hand, until suddenly he felt a hand on his crotch. He blinked.

“What…what’re you…no, Thomas you don’t have to that.” He stopped his hand and tangled their fingers.

“But…” “Not tonight…tonight aint about me. It’s been about me for ages. From now until the end of the week it’s be about you, yeah? And after that we’re in equal share…we’re equal in this.”

Thomas was a little teary eyed, but he closed his eyes before they spilled and took a deep shaky breath to calm himself. “Yeah that’s…okay.”

Jimmy nodded, pleased and patted his cheek. “Now move yer arse up a bit will yer? I’m freezing me bits off. ”

/

Edith hummed the receiver pressed to her ear. “Yes…well I thought that could be a problem too. But maybe they won’t be so disappointed if… Oh…no that’s alright I can tell them. Yes Barrow and Kent. Thank you so much for your time. You’ve been so kind. Yes…yes. Goodbye then.”

/

“Mrs Hughes?”

“Good god you’re up early James…what do I owe this pleasure.”

“Something is troubling me.” He wrung his hands together. “And I think you are the only one who will help.” He took a deep breath. “It’s about Thomas…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys fall even deeper for each other, Edith has some news and Jimmy and Mrs Hughes hatch a plan to rescue Thomas. But will it work?

Mrs Hughes felt as though she could drop and it was only the beginning of the day. “These are some extremely dangerous allegations James!”

“I know that. I wouldn’t make them if I weren’t sure.”

“And you have seen evidence of Mr Barrow’s injuries.” Jimmy nodded, his eyes dulled with helplessness he felt looking back.

“Yes… I’ve seen them.”

“I’m sure you are aware we cannot make these allegations without hard proof that those injuries came from the Duke himself. And even if we find such a thing and this was to make its way to the press. His Grace will be sent to trail. If that were to happen and if his character is what you have concluded, then he will more than likely throw the book at his perpetrators. More than likely he’ll try to out you too.”

Jimmy’s eyes shot up. “But he can’t…he has no real evidence that anything between me and Thomas is untoward. We’re… friends is all.”

Mrs Hughes cut in completely wise to his lies. “ What I am saying James, is are you sure you are ready to be at the centre of such a scandal. It could cost both you and Thomas your reputations…even your place here.”

Jimmy sat across the desk from her the one candle lighting the room in the dead of the morning and thought about it, tapping his fingers of his thigh. “I could never sleep a wink again knowing someone like him was living free...and basking in the luxury, the power his money and his title affords him. I’d rather go to wrack and ruin than allow that to happen.”

Mrs Hughes sighed but nodded. “Well then we will need to collect some real evidence. When do these events usually occur…” “In the evenings before dinner, when T- when Mr Barrow goes up to dress him. That’s when he does it, it’s why he’s always last to arrive.”

“I will speak to his Lordship, and see how best to handle this. James, you are not to speak a word of this to anyone, including Thomas. If His Grace has a man skulking around in the shadows, he must not get wind of this, or else he’ll scuttle off to warn the man.”

Jimmy nodded, flashing her a grateful smile. “I promise, my lips are sealed. Thank you, Mrs Hughes.”

/

“Where were you this morning…” Thomas spoke low in the corridors as Jimmy pulled on his cap and Mosely ran upstairs with the last of the trays. “I missed you.”

Jimmy blushed. “Oh, nowhere… I just decided to take a walk. Get out before breakfast.”

Thomas hummed puzzled. “You should have woken me…I would’ve come with you.”

“In your state?  Not likely.” He chuckled.

“You’re in a good mood this morning.” Thomas smirked and the younger shrugged.

“I just have a feeling things will start looking rosy for us soon.” Thomas let out a soft laugh, teeth flashing as he smiled. He was so lost in the positivity that he didn’t see Lady Edith descending the stairs behind Jimmy in bright and breezy morning dress.

“Ah James, Barrow…just who I was looking for.”

Both whipped around and bowed courteously for her. “Good Morning M’lady.” They chorused.

“I’m very sorry I’ve caught you on your way to see Dr Clarkson, haven’t I?”

“Not at all M’lady, we have till noon to be there and back.” Thomas told her.

“Well good. I thought I should catch you before breakfast. I have news for you both from my editor.” The men’s eyes widened in hopeful anticipation. “I have two things to relay. The first is…unfortunately he doesn’t feel as if your works align with what our publication represents.”

Thomas sagged…but Jimmy cocked his head. “And the…second, M’lady?”

She smiled quite smug and mischievous at them. “Have either of you ever hear of the Bloomsbury group?”

Thomas’ heart started to thunder a million miles per hour, by his side Jimmy was quite confused. “The…Blooms-“

The underbulter explained. “A group of writers, artists, intellectuals, philosophers…Miss Virginia Woolf, Lord Keynes, Mr E.M. Forster. People of real note…”

“All very liberal too…though maybe just a tad too much for my liking,” Edith deemed wryly. “All of whom live and work together under a single roof and are in touch with leagues of notable publishers and critics.”

“Pardon me M’lady but, what do they have to do with Mr Barrow or I?”

“Though your works do not correspond with our magazine, my editor seems to think there is something in them and that the group may be quite enthralled by your works. He has sent them on to London to be appraised. He has passed on your names and if you are successful you should expect a call before the weeks close, to invite you to a meeting with one of the members.”

“Good lord…” Thomas breathed as a smile formed on his lips. “Thank you M’lady.”           

“You’re most welcome Barrow…let’s keep our fingers crossed shall we.”

“Yes M’lady…”

As she disappeared up the stairs, Thomas felt the urge to cry out it utter delight. Instead he turned to Jimmy who was smirking up at with smug sort of confidence. “I told you things were looking up.”

Thomas laughed and before he could think he grabbed his face and kissed him. Once on the lips and then showering his face before Jimmy shoved him away but still with a grin.

“Get a hold of y’self will yer, before someone sees.”

But Thomas just beamed down upon him, brighter than the sun and Jimmy couldn’t be annoyed at him about it.

/

The visit to Dr Clarkson was a lot less pleasant than the rest of the morning. Thomas ended up having to answer some very uncomfortable questions.

“You say you received these injuries after a tumble down the stairs.”

The underbulter shifted uncomfortable behind the screen and outside the screen Jimmy shifted too.

“Yes…”

“Thomas…unless I am to get the full extent of your situation, I can’t treat you correctly.”

Thomas shut his eyes and opened them again. “I was hit…by a wooden cane.” Clarkson nodded and felt around the area where the bandage still lay, Thomas jumping every time it hurt too much.

“Hmm, you may put your shirt and jacket back on…”

Thomas did, as quickly as possible to conserve what pride he had left and met Jimmy with a demure glance as he reappeared. The younger rushed to steady him.

“Mr Barrow, you have one broken rib on your left side and I believe two more are fractured on your right. Thankfully the lacerations and contusions seem to be healing quiet well on their own and the bandaging has held the bone in the correct place. I will give you a cream that will help with the pain and you should try to bath now at least once every two days to help with muscle tension.” Thomas nodded and as they were about to leave. “Barrow?” Thomas turned back. “If there is something that is troubling you, I suggest you tell someone, Lord Grantham perhaps?”

Thomas blinked and turned away.

/

Thomas frowned as the wagonette missed their turning and the younger next to him didn’t. “Jimmy where are we going?”

“Places.”

“What’re you on about? We need t’ get back to Downton.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “We’ve got three hours free, you think I’m about to waste them there.”

“Then where…”

/

Jimmy had the wagonette take them as close to the falls as possible, payed the driver to leave and meet them back in an hour and helped Thomas the rest of the way to the clearing. The leaves were starting to turn, green smattered with golds and crimsons. And the sun orange through the branches.

Jimmy set Thomas down on his favourite spot. “Oh I wish I had my sketch book. When it looks like this and the water does that twinkly thing it gives me the thirst to draw.”

“Mm well you’re lucky.” Jimmy dropped his satchel, crouching and bringing out both of their books. “You think I’d leave them at home with the Duke’s man creeping in shadows.”

Thomas smirked. “My sweet clever boy.” Jimmy blushed pink and handed it over. “You aint half a sappy git.”

“Fine, my bratty, ungrateful scallywag.”

Jimmy laughed. “Much better.” He produced a pencil for each of them. For a while they just sat opposite each other drawing and writing. Then Thomas spoke putting his pencil down.

“What is this?”

“Hmm?”

“What is this…us.” Jimmy averted his eyes. Thomas sighed. “I know…I know you asked me not ask you that. But I just…I need to know that you’re not just humouring me because you feel bad for me.”

Jimmy nodded. “I have thought on it…and I can’t deny it crossed my mind that it might be true.” Thomas’ eyes flashed with a stab of misery. “But then it occurred to me that… until this mornin’ and aside from the first kiss, you aint prompted a single kiss or even a touch with any sexual tint to it. It’s all been me…even before the Duke came along. I’ve always wanted and enjoyed every encounter, I always started it off.” He closed his book. “So no it’s not because I feel sorry for you, it’s not even that I’m grateful to you. I told you before and I meant it. It’s because I love you. And it’s weird because…I never was attracted to another man before you, it never even crossed my mind. I always liked girls and I still do, don’t get me wrong.” He shrugged and turned his gaze up to the softness spread across Thomas’s face. “But it’s just you…you changed me or maybe you didn’t. Maybe the candle was always there unlit.”

Thomas laughed a watery laugh “You’re such a liar.”

Jimmy was surprised. “What?”

“You are! ‘I’m bad at words when they were out loud.’ What a load of old cobblers.”

Jimmy snorted and crawled forward. He kissed him under the fall of Autumn’s first leaf, Thomas pressing his lips, besotted to his knuckles as Jimmy lowered himself down, a head of blonde curls resting in the elder’s lap. And Thomas let his artist’s hands brush through them.

/

_In one last flash of golden light,  Autumn arrives to blanket the chill, when the storms do come and the trees are bare, I’ll blanket you too… I will…_

_You can tell the moon he is surrounded by darkness, but the stars are slaves to his beam. For he is the light in dead of the night, he’s the river running out into streams._

/

“Mrs Hughes…are you quite sure!?”

The older woman clasped her hands in front of her and in safety of Lord Grantham’s office she allowed herself to speak honestly. “I am not perfectly sure, but James seems certain M’lord and I can’t think of a reason why he should lie. It all does add up.”

“Dear god in heaven. Never did I think the words: poor Barrow would come from my lips but here we are.”

“Indeed M’lord.” “Very well…I shall visit his Grace's room tonight to see if I can expose him, nobody is to breath a word of this. If I do expose his Grace then I will do my best to make sure he leaves quietly.” “I understand, M’lord.”

/

 

The rest of the day, even during lunch service, Thomas could not find it in himself to be unhappy. Even if he knew what would transpire tonight would more than likely be worse than the night before…Jimmy loved him, well and truly. And there was chance they would be able to make a name for themselves, have a life of their own.

All manner of images came to him, lovely domestic ones. Arguing over the dishes and waking up next to each other…just lying there till the sun was high in the sky.

“Sap.” Jimmy accused playfully as he watched Thomas draw absent minded love hearts on the table. Thomas just grinned as the bell rang for him to leave.

“He’s later than usual. Well…here we go again.”

Jimmy nodded. “I’ll be here where you get back…”

Thomas’ lips twitched a smile and as he left. Jimmy had never felt more relieved that it was to be over.

/

Robert was tense, steeling himself for atrocity he was about to witness and Bates fastened his cufflinks.

“Is there something bothering you M’lord?”

“There is but it’s nothing you could help me with I’m sure…thank you Bates, you may go.”

Bates wandered off and Cora sat on the bed behind him. “I do wish you would tell me what is going on dear.”

“The thing is I’m not sure there is anything yet…but I’m afraid you will have to make you own way to dinner this evening.” He kissed her hands.

“Hmm very well…I shall see you down there.” She left with a kiss to his cheek. Robert gave it a moment before taking off down the hallway to the Dukes room. He stopped outside the door, hand on the door and took a breath before he swung it open, to reveal the scene behind.

Both men fully clothed and shocked at the intrusion.

“Oh…” Robert started. “I’m so sorry dear chap…I was distracted and must have taken a wrong turning.”

The Duke was bemused. “No harm done. Barrow here was just finishing with my cufflinks.”

“Of course, I apologise your Grace.” Robert bowed his head and left the room closing the door.

“That damn footman.” He growled.

/

Inside the room Philip laughed. “It’s a good job I postponed our little rendezvous until tonight my sweet.” He turned to Thomas who avoided his eyes and patted his cheek. “That could have been quite the disaster.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lord Grantham is angry. Jimmy tries to convince him to try one last time. Do they expose the horror unfolding?

Jimmy waited at the bottom of the stairs, hopping around from foot to foot before the gong came. When Lord Grantham descended the stairs first, his heart skipped a beat.

“M’lord, forgive me but I just need to ask if-“

Robert held up his hand, face fraught with rage and silenced Jimmy. “I do not know what kind of ridiculous game you are playing James, but I would say that your sort of slanderous assumptions have no place in this household. I will have to think seriously about your place here.”

Jimmy was astonished, his face draining. “But M’lord I…”

“Not another word. I will speak to you after dinner and you are not to put a toe out of place. Do you understand.”

“Y-Yes…of course M’lord.”

/

Jimmy blinked at the wall, still shaken from exchange as Thomas arrived downstairs suspiciously unharmed.

“You’re not hurt…”

“Well don’t sound too sad about it.” Thomas raised his brow peculiarly.

“What happened?” he breathed. Thomas’ brow knitted together in concern, but he answered him nonetheless.

“Nothing of sorts, until Lord Grantham burst in. Luckily, he found nothing, the Duke decided to postpone ‘til tonight so there weren’t no awkward questions through dinner ag-Jimmy are you okay…you’re pale, you’re not coming down with somethin’ are you?”

Jimmy shook his head, everything coming together in his mind and his eyes far off. “No…I were just worried is all…”

Thomas’ eyes softened considerably, sincerely. “So sweet to me…” he whispered as the gong rang in the foyer.

/

Dinner service was acceptable…much the same. But during drinks, Jimmy couldn’t stay still. When Lord Grantham made his way out of the room first for bed, he called Jimmy out with him.

Jimmy took a deep breath and followed him.

“M’lord I have to tell you…”

“I don’t know what has happened here James, I don’t know whether you have been duped by Barrow or it is something you have concluded yourself but it stops now!”

He whipped round to the footman who desperate tried to clarify. “My Lord please let me explain!”

“You will explain nothing to me, except if it was you or Thomas who instigated these allegations. And be careful what you say…” The phone started to ring behind him and he swept towards it. “Stay there James.” He ordered as he picked it up. “Hello?”

Jimmy slumped his eyes dropping to the floor as Robert spoke.

“Dr Clarkson! To what do I owe this pleasure?” Jimmy’s eyes flew up and on the other end of the phone he heard the distant sound of a solemn tone. “No, no you’ve caught me on the way to bed…Barrow what about him?” There was more muffled talking and Jimmy strained to hear. Though he couldn’t quite make it out, he heard things such as “bruises” and “cane” and “concern”. Lord Grantham turned his eyes to Jimmy as he listened, significantly less irate.

“If you are sure. Yes…well thankyou Clarkson, I will keep a weather eye out. Yes, Goodnight.” He put down the phone and deflated as he turned to Jimmy.

“Explain please James, and keep it as short as possible.”

“Aye, M’lord. I was just about to tell you…the Duke, his Grace has postponed his…activities until tonight. Mr Barrow tells mee wanted to avoid unwanted questions at dinner. I’m certain if you visit him tonight you will discover him.”

“You can understand that I’m dubious after the first time.” “Yes sir…”

Robert let out a frustrated breath. “Why did Barrow not come to me about this?”

“I think he was worried M’lord.”

But Robert looked sceptical. “About his reputation I’m sure.” Something about it irked Jimmy. How someone could be so high and mighty about a man in this situation.

“About mine rather this his M’lord, his Grace had threatened my safety too as you know. Not to mention the scandal it could bring down upon the household.” He went on. “And I think he worried too about your daughters…M’lord. What would happen if maybe he took a liking to one of them.” Robert’s eyes doubled in size and Jimmy grimaced. “I know you don’t agree with some of the things Thomas does M’lord…or some of who he is. Believe me, I had some time coming to terms with him too.” He laughed humourlessly.  “But your daughter expressed the…notion the other day that all servants are human. Even if it might surprise you M’lord…Thomas Barrow has the biggest heart…when give due trust and treatment in return.”

“And you give him such treatment?”

Jimmy blinked. “I don’t give him nearly the treatment he gives me, M’lord, but I give him more than he ever expects. Because he expects nothing.”

Robert nodded. “Very well. You are to meet me tonight James, fifteen minutes after Mr Barrow leaves, meet me at his Grace’s door and do be subtle about it.”

/

All evening Jimmy couldn’t find the bravery to feel excited for exposure of the Duke. After all he was a clever man and ruthlessly sly. If Jimmy got his hopes up again, he was frightened that he would curse it.

He and Thomas had ten minutes before Crowborough expected the underbulter upstairs. He told him some lie about Lord Grantham, he didn’t remember…but it worked. They spent the time leant against each other, talking. Kissing hands and foreheads and cheeks.

Thomas sighed. “I should leave.” Jimmy nodded softly and drew him into a reverent, sweeping kiss. “Breathe…it’ll all be better soon.”

“I hope so.” Thomas pouted. He kissed him once more and left.

/

Jimmy tried to write in the fifteen minutes to distract himself in Thomas’ room. But he was far too distracted. It smelled too much Thomas here and his sketch book lay begging to be seen. Jimmy felt and unimaginable pull toward it.

He gave in to it. The footman pulled the beat-up book into his lap and started from the beginning.

Thomas was truly a genius. His art ranged from subjects of life and death, to love and friendship and his style varied too. Most of his work was impressionist, but when it came to Jimmy he tended to slip into romanticism. These were the pieces that Thomas had made immaculate.

Jimmy blushed, his finger brushing the pages, he drew Jimmy like he was an angel, often with literal wings protruding from his back in hues of gold and auburn. Sometimes he would draw Jimmy in an actual situation, but the surroundings would change, he’d be at sea, floating amongst the stars or merely just lay in a place far from Downton.

Thomas was wishing for a different life for Jimmy. It occurred to the footman that Thomas dreamed Jimmy could have more.

Jimmy wanted that for him too.

/

Heart pounding in his ears Jimmy made his way up the main staircase and down the endless windings of corridor to the Duke’s room. Lord Grantham came from the opposite direction, pressing a finger to his lips at the other end of the passage to hush him.

Jimmy nodded. But he froze. They could already hear sounds from a meter or so away. Muffled, panicked screams and slapping. Lord Grantham stopped horrified, his ear cocked to the door as Jimmy met him there.

They both listened in and heard the Duke speak through the door. Thwack! “I thought I told you my whore. Keep. Your mouth. Shut.”

There was a short silence before the screams started again…too covered to make it any further than this spot.

On instinct Jimmy turned the handle and flung the door open.

“Good God!” Robert exclaimed.

The sight before them was truly despicable. Thomas was lay on his front completely naked, tied at his hands, his ankles and gagged with a belt. The Duke was on top of his bandaged, battered frame, knife in hand as he pressed it into the skin of the younger’s back.

And Thomas was sobbing, horrible, gut wrenching sobs as the Duke scrambled off him and secured his robe.

“What in the _hell_ do you people think you’re doing here.”

If Jimmy wasn’t so in stunned into stillness he would floored the slimy bastard on the spot. Robert however, was the one who spoke up.

“Your Grace, I will ask you to pack your things immediately and leave my home.”

“How dare you…” Philip spat. “You do not know the facts, this man is naught but a faggot. He wanted th-“

“Be silent man!” Robert roared. “I will not hear another word. For the sake of his Highness I will keep this under wraps. But I will not keep this from him. He should know exactly what kind of a man he has at his court. And good lord James untie Barrow and cover him.”

Jimmy was shoved out of his blank mind and into action. He darted past the Duke,  eyes shooting daggers as Robert rang the bell.

Thomas trembled on the bed as the gag was untied and Jimmy dropped it to the floor.

“They’re faggots Robert, scum…and don’t let this one fool you.” He spat glaring at Thomas and smirking. “He enjoyed every single-“

“Silence.” Robert hissed. “You cannot possibly convince me. The man was tied and gagged, sobbing and screaming for help as you carved into his like a piece of meat and you expect me to believe he enjoyed it.”

As Jimmy freed Thomas and pulled the elder up… he whispered, his voice trembling. “M’lord he’s bleeding…”

“That’s fine James use the sheet.”

Jimmy nodded and wrapped Thomas in the bed sheet and Thomas sat, staring blankly at the fire, completely limp as Jimmy moved him around. “I’m- I’m sorry M’lord…” his voice was distant…shivering. “I dirtied your sheets I…”

Jimmy hushed him, hands on his shoulders and brow furrowed, Thomas closed his eyes and let his head fall forward, pressing his forehead to Jimmy’s shoulder as his body was wracked with silent sob, the droplets flooding his cheeks. “I never meant for you to see me like that…” he breathed. Jimmy lay a hand on his upper back and met Lord Grantham’s eyes.

“James when Carson arrives take him downstairs, wake Mrs Hughes and get him cleaned up.”

The Duke laughed as he swirled his drink by the window, obviously drunk. “He always was filthy weren’t you darling?”

“I said be quiet!” Robert demanded.

“And you are to refer to me as your Grace.” He countered.

“I see no grace in you.”

Jimmy smirked. He was impressed with his employer. Jimmy was able to get Thomas into his trousers and shoes. He saw no point in a shirt while he still bled. Then Carson arrived, utter shock folded into his countenance.

“M’lord…”

“Carson…the Duke had outstayed his welcome. He will leave tonight…”

“I’m…” his eyes ran over Thomas and Jimmy, assessing. “I’m afraid his Grace’s car is broken M’lord and will not be fixed until the morning.”

“Then he shall leave in the morning. James, take Mr Barrow downstairs. Carson, the Duke is not to leave this room or to come within three feet of Barrow.”

Jimmy heaved Thomas up, letting him lean on his body. The Duke giving him one last long leering look. “Such a shame…” he murmured.

The footman glared at him. “I agree your Grace…very soon your perfect world will come tumbling around you.”

/

The older woman hurried Thomas to a chair, by now the blood was covering his back blurring the cuts beneath.

“Lord above bless you…you poor man.”

“Please don’t pity me. I don’t want to be known to you as the man who was abused by a Duke.” When he said it like that, so stark…he shot knives into Jimmy’s heart.

“Very well.” She whispered and pressed the cloth to Thomas’ back. He flinched but made no noise as he was cleansed. As the blood was wiped away, the housekeeper and the footman had to take a moment. The word ‘mine’ was etched into his lower back.

Mrs Hughes didn’t say a thing about it and instead wrapped the wounds up by candle light and let Jimmy take him to the bed.

He did. He lay him on his front and he settled next to him stoking his soft hair long after the other man had fallen asleep.

/

_An angel who had fallen to Earth, who was made for torture from the day of his birth, but that is not the course anymore._

_My broken angel you deserve much more._

_You deserve laps of water on a pebbled shore and the stars should align just to please your eyes. Autumn it falls for you, for you smile. My love… lay with me a while…and we’ll forget the past. Lord above let this moment last._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the lateness. And I apologise for this. ;) The morning after the Duke is discovered, Thomas tries to get back to normal. That doesn't happen the way he wanted it to.

As the sun broke on a new day,  the dawn too rose on Thomas and Jimmy, the light steadily making its way down their bodies. Forehead…eyelids…down their noses, the bow of their lips. Jimmy stirred while Thomas stay put, clung to his side.

Jimmy smiled down at him forlornly, combing the dark, fallen hair from his eyes before detangling himself.

He dressed as quietly as he could and tore a page from his journal, eyes still fixed on the man. He scribbled a note, kissed the elder’s temple and left it on his bedside table.

/

_Morning Sunshine,_

_Don’t come down today…I’m sure his Lordship and Mr Carson will allow you today at least, while we toss the Duke out where he belongs. You’ve been so brave Thomas, even if you don’t think it. You’re the bravest man I ever met._

_I’ll see you to bring you meals and read you the paper. Make myself useful like you said after Thirsk. It’s a shame really because that day could have been so beautiful if we were as we are now._

_I let you buy me some pop in the end though, didn’t I? I wasted so much time hating you Thomas…_

_Anyway, I’m rambling._

_Stay in bed, I’ll come to you,_

_Jimmy._

Thomas smiled folding it and shoving it under his pillow. He most certainly would not stay in bed.

/

Carson stood before his staff and did something he despised doing. He lied to them. “Good morning everyone.” The others murmured their greetings. “Mr Barrow won’t be with us today due to illness. So James, Mr Mosley. We will share the work between us.”

Bates hmphed. “He’s been conveniently ill lately.” He murmured to Anna. Jimmy felt an indignation rise in his throat like bile.

“I think you should keep your beak out till you know the facts.”

Bates looked bemused and tilted his head at him. “Well somebody changed his tune. You loathed him not long ago.”

“I grew up. You should try it sometime.”

“Now now boys,” the room aside from Carson and Mrs Hughes stood as Thomas entered, fully coiffed and dressed immaculately. It was almost as if yesterday never happened. “There’s no need to bicker over me.”

“Barrow?! What are you doing out of bed?” Jimmy was thinking the exact same thing, eyes narrowed. But Thomas just took his place next to Jimmy.

“I’m feeling much better Mr Carson.”

The older man raised a bushy brow. “Are you quite certain?”

 “Quite, yes. And I wish to get on with my job as normal. If that okay with you Mr Carson?”

Carson looked wary but nodded. “I…suppose so.” Jimmy leaned toward Thomas, his brow furrowed.

“You should be resting.” He hissed.

“I’m fine.”

 Jimmy left it for the time being. There was no use getting irate with everyone watching. But as soon as breakfast was finished he was pulling him aside into the quiet of the boot room.

“Thomas…”

“Please don’t start.”

“I can start all I bloody want. He’ll be leaving any moment, what happens if you run into-“ “Then I hold my head high and show him he has no power over me. Or you for that matter.” Jimmy looked unconvinced. “Listen…he may have had me for three days, he may have beaten and battered and abused me inside and out. But I do not belong to him. I am yours, aren’t I? And you think I was brave last night but so were you. Nobody in my sad little life has ever been so brave for me…but you have t’let me brave for m’self too. Otherwise what the hell did you do it all for? If he can’t have my body , why should he have my mind?”

Jimmy bit his lip, rocking on the balls of his feet pensively. “Fine…but if he touches another hair on your ‘ead…”

“I’ll come straight back ‘ere.” The younger nodded, but there was an obvious concern in his eyes, a fear and Thomas did his best to squash it.

“Look at me…” he cupped his cheeks and pulled him up. “Tomorrow he’ll be naught but a memory, and me and you can finally be us…us together. Yeah?”

“I guess.”

“Look, I’m-I’m man enough to admit I’m scared…I-I’m scared you…” his voice faltered and he pressed his lips together, irritated at himself. Jimmy thawed, placing a loving hand on his cheek. The elder leaned into it, eyes shut and carried on. “I’m scared you’ll see me different…now you’ve seen me like that. So…broken. Jimmy…I worked so hard to seem unthreatening, to crush your nerves and to make you see you were safe with me…even if you were only a friend at best.” He took the footman’s hand away, fingers tangled as his eyes cracked open, so blue behind the wall of tears. “I’m not weak. I don’t ever want you look at me and think me weak.”

Jimmy shook his head and pulled him down into a firm kiss and pushing him back only an inch. “Having emotion don’t make you weak. Being scared don’t make you weak. Didn’t you tell me that once?” Thomas smiled. “You went up to that room every damn evening, knowing full well you were about to be abused beyond reason and you did it all to keep me safe. If that aint strength then I don’t know what is.” The underbulter closed his eyes and let his forehead fall against the other’s. “You know what? You’re right… about showing your face today, about putting him right. And besides that, I think we’re just stronger together than we are apart.”

“That we are. That we are sweetheart…”

/

Robert was shocked to see Thomas in the foyer, uniform and all, carrying his breakfast to the sitting room. “Barrow?!”

The underbulter paused, blank expression and uneasy posture as he turned to his boss. “G-Good morning M’lord.”

“Carson did assure you that work wasn’t necessary today… did he not?”

“He did M’lord, but I insisted.” “Is that wise?”

Thomas blinked slowly. “I think it’s wise not to show fear to one’s enemies. For me, half the battle is finding courage to look them in the eyes and tell them you’re not afraid, M’lord.”

An odd sort of affection came into Robert’s expression for his servant and a hand clapped him on the shoulder gently. “I think that sentiment alone is extraordinarily courageous in your position Barrow, well done.”

“Thank you, M’lord.”

The Earl let him leave and he could finally breath in the room with just he and Jimmy. “You alright?” the blonde asked him.

Thomas nodded. “As well as I could be.”

 Jimmy hummed. “Damn it… the spoons.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll get them. You finish up here.”

Jimmy gave him a little salute. “Yes sir.” Thomas rolled his eyes with a big smile plastered on his face. It was wiped clean however as soon as he left the room.

The Duke was half way across the floor, looking pale and exhausted, he was unsteady on his feet. And Thomas could smell the alcohol from all that way away.

With Branson and Carson at his flank, his weasely valet behind him and Lord Grantham looking on distastefully, the Duke met Thomas’ eyes as the servants went on, unperturbed around them.

The man staggered toward him, getting half way there when Branson caught his arm pulling him back. The Duke shrugged out of his hold. “Release me! Ridiculous man! I only wish to apologise.”

“You can understand surely your Grace, why we would be anxious to allow you near Barrow.” The Irish man spoke with disgust.

“And what _exactly_ do you propose I can do surrounded like a petty criminal. What? Does he not deserve a sorry now? Make your minds up will you?” He turned to the Earl. “Robert. I wish to apologise to Barrow. Unless you don’t believe and apology is owed.”

After a moment of thought, the older man turned toward his underbutler. “Come here Thomas…”

A deep routed fear, a bad feeling told Thomas to run back into the other room, close that door and never look into Philip’s face again. But since he was being brave.

He moved toward his abuser feeling wary with each step, yet stronger by default. He had almost healed on the way too, until a pistol was cocked and the cold barrel was pressed to his forehead.

 There were several intakes of breath and a scream from a house maid as she spilled her cleaning utensils. And in the other room Jimmy heard the commotion. He dropped the saucer where he stood and rushed to the scene.

He was confronted by his worst nightmare. Both Branson and Jimmy moved forward.

“If anyone dares move, there will be a bullet through his brain before you can blink.” The room quickly stilled, the tension thick like grease…suffocating Jimmy where he stood. Thomas however was still, slumped, eyes closed…like the life had already been drained from him.

He looked ready for death.

“Oh good.” Philip chuckled dark and humourless. “Your little gutter whore is here to watch this…”

“Philip…please…think rationally.”

“Oh Robert, I’m thinking perfectly rationally.” He turned back to Thomas, with murderous eyes. “You have ruined me.”

“Please…” Thomas started.

“I do not believe I asked you to spe-“

“Please! Just let them out…you can do what you want with me, but let them leave.” All Jimmy could do was shake his head and inside frantically chant: _no no no…_

“Why? So they can scamper off to the police.” “What do you think will happen if you kill me, or any one of them…” his eyes bore sincerity into him. “You think you’ll get a mile down the road before they haul you off?”

The Duke seemed to consider this for a moment. “You’re quite correct, of course. Then again you have always been a clever boy.” He rested. “And I truly am sorry…”

There was pregnant pause.

“But if I’m going down to the depths of hell, I’m dragging you with me…” Jimmy’s eyes widened. “Goodbye, my sweet…”

“NO!”

Four men darted forward. There was a scuffle. A gunshot. A scream.

And a body hit the floor.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone had been shot. (Note, the who is in the first few paragraphs) Will that someone survive?

****

Branson tackled the Duke, knocking him backwards and pinning to the floor. The man struggled against the other, yelling out obscenities and the pistol went spinning across the marble.

“Carson! Pick that up and lock it away! Keep the staff downstairs!” The elder man stood for a second processing before he scooped up the gun and hurried away.

“You there!” Robert added to the terrified maid. “Call the police! And an ambulance. Now girl!”

Thomas hardly heard the commotion around him, heart thundering in his ears as he dropped to his knees beside Jimmy. Blood ran in tendrils down his abdomen. Red rivers weaving into streams across the floor.

And Thomas couldn’t contemplate it, he couldn’t handle the reality, its seem so surreal to him. It couldn’t be happening, not to Jimmy…not after all he’s done to shield him.

Then fingers moved over his, soft, barley there, like a ghost and drew his attention up to Jimmy’s face.

His eyes, beautiful as ever were hooded, dulled and his chest was heaving. “Thomas…” he rasped.

Robert stripped his jacket. “Barrow press this to his stomach.” Thomas did what was ordered, eyes darting from Jimmy’s face to the wound. When he pressed down to keep the pressure, the younger screamed out in agony.

“Shh I know…” Thomas murmured. By now, Branson was hauling the Duke into a separate room and Philip was not happy about it, spitting in Thomas’ direction as he was dragged through the door. Thomas payed no attention to it but took a mental note, in time he would pay him back tenfold for what he had done here. Whatever that was to be.

Jimmy was getting greyer by the minute, eyes rolling back into his head. “It’s okay…It’s okay sweetheart, stay with me. I’m right here.”

Roberts eyes swung up, still furrowed. It found curiously similar to something he’d told Cora when he thought she was on the verge of death. Something in his tone, the sweetness of it, the hand through Jimmy’s hair…it moved Robert. It moved him.

“Oh thank the lord!” the Earl praised as he heard sirens whir in the near distance, he rushed to the door flinging it open. “Over here! He’s in here!”

Thomas stayed on the floor, cradling Jimmy in his arms, shins soaked in his blood.

“Thomas if…if I die-“

“Don’t you dare. It’s not happening. If it means spending every penny I have to save you, I will. You will not leave me now, do you hear me?”

Jimmy nodded faintly, cracking a weak smile. “Yes…sir.”

Thomas was reluctantly pulled away, kicking and screaming as the professionals came sprinting in to take over.

They crowded around Jimmy, gathering and muttering quickly to each other.  Thomas stood helpless on the side lines, tears tumbling from his chin and the Earl’s hand on his shoulder.

When the they finally got him stable enough to move into the ambulance…Thomas insisted on going with them.

/

Carson decided lying was off the table. He explained everything, keeping the details of Thomas and Jimmy’s rumoured rendezvous out of the equation. But a real explanation was need and he gave it to them, warts and all.

“Lord…” Daisy murmured. “Poor Jimmy.”

“Poor Thomas…” Anna injected.

“Poor both of them…but now what we need is to be prepared.” Mrs Hughes cut it. “No matter what happens tonight we need to support whomever returns from that hospital together, as a team.” They all murmured in agreement.  “You are all expected to treat this situation with extreme sensitivity and maturity.” She eyed Bates, who looked on at her consumed with guilt. “If we see anything less there we be severe consequences.”

“His Lordship and Mr Branson will visit the hospital tonight, and so we should have news of James before morning. For now, the best we can do for all involved, is do our jobs.” Carson added. “And to pray hard for their healthy recoveries.”

“Here-here.” Mosley murmured and it was chorused in return by all.

/

“Good Lord what a terrifying day.” Cora sighed, the three Crawley women gathered in the nursery, drawn to the innocent presence of the children in such a dark hour. “And who’d have thought the Duke could do such awful things. Be sinful or cruel…murderous.”

Mary bounced George on her knee as the sun started to set over the grounds. “Thomas must be going dotty in that waiting room. I mean it’s clear to anyone who see them, he cares for James more than usual for a man to care for another.”

“Such a shame too…” Edith said. “I had been assisting them in receiving an audience with Bloomsbury group. James for his writing and Thomas for his art… how sad it should be if they were to receive two invitations and only one of them was to be accepted.”

“Well we mustn’t think like that…” Cora insisted firmly, pulling Sybbie into her lap. “James is young and healthy, and has survived war without a scratch…I’m sure he will pull through.”

/

Thomas was head in hands a whole three hours before he was even spoken to. His mind was racing, and the image of Jimmy, shaking in a pool of scarlet was slowly eating him up inside.

“Mr Barrow?”

Thomas shot to his feet. “Yes…Yeah. Where is he?”

The doctor gave him the once over. “Are you a family member?” “He has no family…I’m the nearest he has…” “And you are…”

“His mother. I’m his mother, will that get sense out of you?” he snapped, causing people to twist to him and stare. “I don’t give a damn about your protocol. Just…tell me how he is!”

“Thomas…” suddenly Lord Grantham appeared behind him, Branson not far. “Breathe man…”  he turned to the doctor. “Please tell us…how is Mr Kent?” he asked, with a firm and confident power.

The doctor was suddenly meek. “I apologise M’lord… we- we have stopped bleeding and removed the bullet. Luckily it missed all his vital organs.”

Thomas closed his eyes relief flooding him, like burst dam.

“Thank god.” Branson rejoiced. The doctor nodded.

“We’ve stitched him up, but he has lost an extensive amount of blood and will need a transfusion. He will be unconscious for several days and even after he wakes he will be weak and require a handful of antibiotics and close care.”

Thomas sagged. “But…even together we couldn’t afford all that and without working we…”

“You will not have to afford it Barrow; the estate will pay for his care. “ Thomas’ eyes fluttered rapidly and the Earl added. “And you will be payed every day you’ll be at his bedside.”

“M’lord I couldn’t possibly…”

“I insist.” Thomas felt tears of gratitude scald at the corner of his eyes, coming thick and fast and untameable. Robert explained it to him. “You have become very dear to my grandchildren and to the rest of my family as well Thomas. And both you and James have shown incredible courage and selflessness over a horrendously dark period. You have both earnt not only the money but my respect and gratitude for sacrificing yourselves to keep others, including my family safe.”

Before Thomas had a chance to thank him or do something stupid like hug him, a young nurse poked her head around the door.

“Mr Barrow?” he turned. “You may see him…but I’ve been told no touching before we can get the antibiotics in him, we need to prevent any infection.”

He nodded hastily and moved his eyes back to the Earl. “You go ahead Barrow, we’ll stay out here and discuss the fees.”

“Thank so much M’lord…” he breathed, shaking his head. “You don’t even know what this means…”

“I think I have an idea. Now, go man…” he waved him away. Thomas didn’t have to be told twice and darted towards the room swinging the door open. Maybe too hard, making the nurse jump a mile in the air. But he didn’t care…he couldn’t care about anyone else right now.

Jimmy was lay back on the pillows, a mass of gilded curls piled on his head, dark purpling circles under his eyes and his stomach wrapped tightly in bandages. Thomas was drawn to him like a moth to flame, a born instinct and he was at his bedside in seconds, revelling in the slightly steadier rise and fall of his chest. It took a miracle for him not to lean forward and kiss his forehead, tangle his fingers in hair or even tell him that he loved him.

The brunette nurse made her way over to him, small brown book in hand. “This was found on his person…inside his jacket.” She handed it to him and Thomas turned it over in his hands.

Jimmy’s journal.

“Thank you…” he told her. She nodded her head and left them alone. Thomas unfurled the book, gazing down at some of his later passages. Then he found something that made sob, heart swelling unimaginably large, presumably to make even more room for eons of love he felt for the footman.

It was a poem. Written out neat and revised several times over. A beautiful, heart wrenching poem that made Thomas tremble as he read it.

/

_ My Muse- For Thomas _

_My poor sad muse, what drew you under?_

_Were you struck by lightning do you wander through the thunder?_

_My poor sick muse with your eyes shadowed grey_

_Did the clouds snuff the spangles and rain shower you face?_

_Was the fog filling your mind with nocturnal visions?_

_Were the voices in your mind in direct opposition?_

_My dear sick muse, now your cheeks do glisten,_

_And your skin is cold and you’re taken by the blizzard._

_Muse, will you come to me, some time in my dreams,_

_Where your tears are rose petals, wept into streams._

_My missing muse, my resolve is shaking,_

_And more and more when I smile it is flaking._

_My muse, let me drown in the scent of your skin,_

_That’s sinking trough my veins and wearing me thin._

_My beautiful muse if there were only a map,_

_That led you to freedom but didn’t lead back._

_I’d find you there and we’d never return,_

_We’d set it on fire and we’d watch it burn._

_But for now, my muse you are safe in my mind,_

_At least when you’re there, the world is still kind._

_I’m coming my muse and I’m staying good,_

_Pave the ground with gold near the stream that we love._

_We’ll lull under stars and kaleidoscope beams._

_Be careless to a world that brands us obscene._

_Come with me muse we’ll pluck roses in rain,_

_Rid them of thorns ‘cause I’m done with the pain._

_Let the drops fall, let them shower us in colour._

_Because without you on Earth the blooms are much duller._

_The skies are muggy and the air obscures death,_

_The sounds were too loud… I heard every breath._

_Oh, my dear sweet muse will you meet me at the stream?_

_Lay me to sleep forever with my dream._

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> UGH THIS CHAPTER! I'm not sure if it's okay or not but either way, I think its more of a filler before big things happen. Jimmy wakes up, The Duke is reeking havoc for them even from his cell and Bates is feeling guilty and determined to keep them out of prison.

“Thomas…you should go back and rest. I assume you didn’t get much sleep last night either…”

Thomas straightened up from his slumped position in the arm chair. “No, but I’d rather not go M’lord…” he murmured. “He has no family to speak of and…if he wakes up alone he might be frightened after his ordeal. It’d be cruel to leave him here alone without a friendly face.”

He blinked sluggishly eyes combing Jimmy’s face, willing his eyes open or his lips twitch.

“Very well Barrow, but do try and rest. You won’t be of much help to him exhausted.” Thomas nodded to him as the Earl stood and Branson patted his arm.

“There’ll be visitors from downstairs in no time. You won’t have to be here all on your lonesome.”

Thomas laughed softly for him. “Thank you, Mr Branson.” The Irishman gave him an odd look as he followed Lord Grantham out the room.

“Aye, I’ll never get used to that.”

“What do you mean? Thomas and James?” the Earl closed the door behind them.

“Oh no, that’s not mine to get used to. I mean Thomas referring to me as ‘Mr Branson’ or ‘Sir’. It’s strange to hear it  when he outranked me once.”

“I think what we have learnt here today, is that rank is nothing to do money, nor class or title. Merely the content of a man’s character”

The two men walked together through the corridors of the wards. “I can agree with you there I think.”

/

Inside the room, Thomas had pulled his chair closer and lay his head down on the pillow next to Jimmy’s, gazing on at the man, weary but devoted.

And though he strained not to touch him, he still whispered: “I love you…” into the silence, unaware that Jimmy’s fingers twitched in response.

/

“Ladies and gentlemen, we have news at long last!” Even Daisy, Ivy and Mrs Patmore rushed in from the kitchen as Carson entered the room with a message from his phone call. “James is alive, reasonably well and due to make a full recovery.” There was an echo of cheers around the room.

“And what of Thomas?” Bates asked, surprising everyone.

“Mr Barrow will be staying with him until James awakens, and caring for him when he returns home.” Carson told him. “But for now, we should worry about dinner. His Lordship and Mr Brason should return any moment, so back to work please everyone!”

As the servants bustled and filed away in their respective direction, Bates spoke to Anna. “I feel bad.” He told her.

“What for?” she asked.

“I-I feel I was cruel to Thomas…and even James. And now I know what they were enduring…”

“But you weren’t to know! And besides Thomas has done much worse things to you.”

“Yes, before the war and the near outing gave him a lesson in humility. But still…” he tapped his nails on his cane. “I feel like I should do something.”

“There’ll come a time you can do something for them, but try not to think on it too much.” She placed a hand on the side of his face. “I’m sure whatever you have said in the past, it’s not what they’re concerned about right now.”

/

Thomas closed his eyes for just a second, a mere moment, and then he heard him, very quiet…hardly audible but there.

“Well…that were eventful.” He exhaled. Thomas’s eyes flew open and he stood, cupping his cheeks and breaking out into a wide smile.

“Jesus Christ, Jimmy! Oh, thank bloody god you’re awake…”

“You okay?” Jimmy rasped. “He-he didn’t get you or…”

“No…no, sweetheart. I’m squeaky clean thanks to you.”

“I…I thought he were gonna…k-kill you. T-Thomas I thought you were gonners.” He panted

“Shh.” He soothed his hair back as Jimmy started to upset himself, eyes welling. “None of that now…yeah? Let me call the nurse for ya.” He jogged to the door and luckily, she was standing right outside talking to a colleague. “Um…excuse me…Mr Kent is awake. She nodded hastily and charged past him, back into the room.

“Hello Mr Kent, how are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve done t-twenty rounds in the ring…and lost.” She grimaced and started to ask him more question, Jimmy answered weakly, getting more and more breathless by the second and Thomas more and more on edge about it.

“Can’t you just ask him the rest later? He’s obviously worn out!” He cut in, perhaps a little rudely.

“Thomas.” Jimmy warned.

“No…it’s okay. I think we’re about done.” She told them curtly. “I’ll have the doctor administer your medicine. It looks like you’ll be here another day or so until you can be moved back to your own bed.”

“Medicine…I can’t…I can’t aff-afford…”

“Hey…hey it’s okay.” Thomas moved towards him dropping down into the seat next to him. “His Lordship is covering it, you’re golden.”

“His Lordship?” he breathed, puzzlement riddling his expression. Thomas nodded, soft smile curving his lips.

“Yeah…he was here, Branson too.” He nodded to the nurse as she ducked out the room. “Said he’s footin’ the bill and covering our pay, till you’re better.”

“Why!?”

“I think…maybe we’ve moved him somehow…it’s nice actually. If a story like ours can move some like his Lordship, it makes me feel like maybe the world _is_ changing… for the good.”

“Mm…” Jimmy closed his eyes, melting into the sheets.

“I read your poem. The one fer me.” Those pretty periwinkle eyes, framed with thick lashe opened for Thomas, quietly curious.

“Oh yeah?” he breathed. “Did yer like it?”

“Well…put it this way. I spent the whole time you was out cold thinking about how it would be if I could marry you.”

Jimmy half laughed and gave him a crooked smile “Hmm not likely.” he whispered. “But I’m glad …you liked it.”

“I loved it. I love you.”

“Iloveyou too…you sappy tit.”

Thomas burst out it hysterical chuckles and Jimmy smiled, eyes lidded.

“If we…get a wedding, do we get… a wedding night?” Jimmy’s eyes sparkled a little, with a playful mischief. Thomas laughed again.

“You’re like youngen riddled with hormones and low self-control you are.”

“Mr Barrow?” an older woman suddenly arrived at the door, the receptionist from down the way. “There’s a call for you?”

The men shot each other a strange look as she left. “It’s okay. It’s probably Carson demanding you return for dinner. I’ll be back…” Thomas whispered kissing the perfect bow of his lips quick before anyone could see.

The receptionist passed him the phone over the counter as he arrived there. “Thanks…” he murmured. “Hello?”

“Ah Barrow, how are you dear chap? How is James?”

“Oh! He’s better M’lord…he’s awake now and they’ll give him plenty more painkillers soon. He should be out by the day after tomorrow and I shall tend to him at Downton if it pleases his Lordship”

“Of course, Barrow.  However, I don’t call you this evening with the best of news.” There was loud silence that made Thomas’ stomach do backflips. “The Duke will be put on trial and more than likely he will be imprisoned for attempted murder, indecency and sexual assault if not something more sinister. But he unfortunately, he has been spreading some rather repulsive rumours about you to the authorities. He has very heavily tried to place the blame at your door for all of this. As well as suggesting you were paying James in favours to do…inappropriate things with you. It looks as though it will be imperative for you both to testify or else end up at the brunt of a backlash. Now I have a good lawyer and he’s available to talk to tomorrow, but that means you’ll have to leave James for a few hours. Several of the household have already agreed to either give statements or testify.”

“That’s…M’lord I…” Thomas sighed shakily. “This will be everywhere by the morning paper…won’t it?”

“I’m afraid that could be true, Barrow. After all, this is a high-profile case, a Duke. And Philip has not been quiet about it.” His tone was grave.  “But what is important now is to clear your names and to keep yourselves safe.”

“Yeah…yes. Thank you for telling me M’lord.”

“You’re welcome. Good night to you Barrow.”

“Goodnight M’lord.”

Thomas handed the woman her phone and leaned back against the counter, head in his hands. It wasn’t so much himself that bothered him, though he was man enough to admit it scared him out of his wits to think about it.

But Jimmy, Jimmy never asked for any of this, none of it was his fault. That poor man, sweet and selfless and so stupidly devoted to Thomas, was pulled most literally and blindly into the line of fire by default. This was never what he wanted for him. He wished merely to love him, but life… and Philip seemed intent on ruining them. Life right now was like a set of brass scales, when one thing brought them up, another pulled them down. But there was still that glimmer of gold underlying them, whichever side of the scale they were on.

Their love. That was one lovely constant.

When he reopened the door, Jimmy was sat propped half up with a pillow (the nurse must have been back through) and his journal was lay across his dinner table as he scrawled words lazily onto the page in pencil. He looked up as Thomas came in.

“Who was it?”

“His Lordship…”

Jimmy hummed going back to writing. “What did he want…” Thomas moved round the bed and settled back next to him.

“He um…well he wanted to know how you were and…”

“Mm. Tell me…tell me if you like this?” he breathed. “And be…honest…” he handed him the page. Thomas took it. “Read it.”

Thomas nodded, a little nervous for whatever reason, like he wouldn’t do it justice. But Jimmy was too exhausted to read. And so:

 _“This isn’t a poem. I was scared…I guess I was, that if I stopped rolling out verses it would mean the end for me and him. But truly, I’ve never been more in love in my entire life. And I doubt I ever will be again.”_ Thomas looked up, blown away, overwhelmed. Jimmy just trembled a smile in his direction as he went on. _“I think he’s the one…what do call them? Soulmates? Two people who just fit, who were created as one and halved…separated in the hopes they would find each other once more. It’s bizarre really, I had plans of some fair-haired girl with dark, pretty eyes who would hate me when the novelty of sex wore off. Life hurled me in the opposite direction. I fell in love with a dark haired, bright eyed man, who touched me only in the most absolute act of love. Whom I’m fairly sure couldn’t hate me if he tried. And I’m sure he has before now._

_I fell in love with Thomas Barrow underneath the heavens, I kissed him there. If the world knew that, they’d tell me I’d committed some atrocious crime…that I was sinful under the eyes of our lord._

_I think I’d tell them I’d never felt closer to God until I kissed one of his angels.”_

It was too much, Thomas put the book aside and kissed him. Properly. The Duke could wait till the morning.  For now, they would just be them…together.

/

There was a knock at the door and Detective Inspector Ryes answered. “Come in!”

 His colleague Thompson entered. “Sir…there‘s a Mr Bates here to see you.”

Ryes raised his dark brows. “Bates? John Bates? What does he want?”

“Apparently, he has some very interesting evidence to do with the case against his Grace, Sir.”

This peaked his interest. “Well then. Send him in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyy! Just a little interesting note. I thought you might want a little play list of songs I think encapsulate this fic and/or have been or will be used in it: 
> 
> 1.Writing's On The Wall- Taps Cover (Originally by Sam Smith): I honestly just think this captures Thomas' journey and their journey as a whole, there's hints of Jimmy in there, I feel like some of the lyrics coincide with how his writes. But it feels like Thomas' song. (I may also be using this right at the end of the fic.)I mean... 
> 
> A million shards of glass  
> That haunt me from my past  
> As the stars begin to gather  
> And the light begins to fade  
> When all hope begins to shatter  
> Know that I won't be afraid
> 
> 2\. Skyfall- Adele: Keeping with the Bond themes, I feel like this is Jimmy's song, the tone is much more him~
> 
> Where you go I go  
> What you see I see  
> I know I’d never be me  
> Without the security  
> Of your loving arms  
> Keeping me from harm  
> Put your hand in my hand  
> And we’ll stand
> 
> 3\. Fur Elise- Beethoven: It was in the earlier parts, but I can also imagine in his downtime, Thomas just playing the only piece that Jimmy taught him for the rest of the room.  
> 4\. Moonlight Sonata- Beethoven: Guess I'm a Beethoven fan, but I think this really speaks to this part of their love story, very intense, very bittersweet, but with this ethereal beauty to it. You might see this in the fic soon too.  
> 5\. Clair De Lune- Claude Debussy: I guess I got the moon kink as well. This to me just feels like Thomas and Jimmy behind closed doors, when they're dazed little dreamers in love and sometimes it gets overwhelming but it so gorgeously sweet.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this half sick so who knows what the hell this has turned out like. I decided to forgo Thomas' retelling this chapter until the actual trial, also the song played is Moonlight Sonata sooo... play that as the music is heard. Thomas returns to Downton and meets his unlikely lawyer and he's bewitched a song in the night.

They stayed up until morning, he and Jimmy. It was like Jimmy was fighting fatigue, as if he was scared to close his eyes and Thomas knew why. Of course he did. He wasn’t new to trauma or to nightmares, he’d learnt very quickly in the war that the best way to avoid them was to exhaust yourself until your brain didn’t have the energy to conjure up a thing in your sleep. But Thomas also discovered, exhausting yourself mean the nightmares began to seep into your waking moments too.

The only reason Jimmy finally gave in, was because Thomas had let him rest his head on his palm. The warmth of his skin and sound of his pulse under his ear…it was like a lullaby to Jimmy.

Unfortunately, it worked a little too well and Jimmy was out for most of the next day. And looking far too lovely to be true…Thomas didn’t have it in him to wake him before he left. He left him a note.

/

_Afternoon…or evening?_

_I probably should have told you this last night. I guess I was being selfish, but I was revelling in you a bit. It’s one of those things aint it? You’ll never really appreciate the way a person talks, how their eyes look, how blinding their smile is until you almost get all of that stolen from you._

_But to the point, I’ve returned to Downton, I don’t know how long I’ll be there, or if I’ll be back tonight. I talked to the secretary and if you need anything, even if it’s just for me to be back there, call the downstairs phone, yeah?_

_Long story short, the Duke has been…kicking up fuss down at the police station, more for me than anything…so try not to worry. His Lordship and I will be talking to a lawyer tonight, one of Matthew Crawley’s old friends I’m guessing._

_Jimmy, I won’t let him touch you…I won’t let him drag you down with him. I promise that._

_I’ll see you tomorrow at the latest._

_Thomas._

/

“Ah Barrow!” Robert cut his conversation with the tall handsome ginger man in the room to greet his underbutler as he entered the office. “I’m glad you made it! How is James? Much difference?”

Thomas eyed the unfamiliar man warily and shook his head. “He’s weak M’lord, not so much as before and the painkillers help, but still weak. He was sleeping when I left.”

“Well I suppose that’s better than nothing yes? Thomas this is Mr Andrew Hopkins, he’s a friend of my late son in law and will be defending you.

Thomas shook the man’s hand and Andrew smiled warmly.  “Good evening. Mr Barrow…”

“Good evening.” He answered turning his eyes to the Earl as if to say. ‘What the hell am I supposed to say.’

“Andrew!” Robert exclaimed, getting the hint. “Would you like to explain to Thomas what will happen tonight. Barrow take a seat, we will be here a while I think.”

Thomas very awkwardly did, slowly falling into the plush leather chair that in any other circumstance he would be banned from using. He sat on the edge, extremely tense.

“First of Mr Barrow, I would like a recounting of the chain events from your point of view, as we go through we can discuss any evidence or witness you might need and then after, we will work on some of the tricky question that the courts may ask as well as testimonies you may need to acquire.”

“O-okay…” but something was bothering Thomas. “Mr Hopkins, you-you are aware of the nature of this case…this isn’t just merely about a man attempting to kill another man. There are… delicate layers to this story.”

“As a matter of fact, I do know the facts Mr Barrow, and it will suffice to say anything you do tell me will not affect me in the way you would assume.”

Thomas looked between the Earl and the lawyer.

“There’s a reason I chose Andrew, Thomas.” Robert told him. The underbutler furrowed his brow and turned to the redhead, puzzled.

“I’m gay Thomas.” He told him, chuckling when Thomas’s eyes widened.

/

“That should be all for now Mr Barrow…” Andrew said as he closed his notebook. The three men stood together. “I will get back to you if anything new should arise.”

Thomas nodded. “Thankyou.”

“We have the car outside to take you home.” The Earl let Andrew know. “If you don’t mind seeing yourself out?”

“Very good, my Lord…Mr Barrow” the lawyer gave both a little nod as he left the room.

Sleep made Thom’s heavy, he felt like he was barley staying upright and was swaying slightly where he stood. The early seemed to notice, frowning his concern. “You look exhausted Barrow, perhaps you should spend the night here.”

“But James M’lord…”

“Can surely survive the night on his own. Off to bed with you. I insist.”

For once Thomas gave in. “Okay…goodnight M’lord…”

“Good night, Barrow.”

The Abbey was eerily pretty at night, the quiet was quite refreshing…it was inconceivable to Thomas that something like yesterday could have happened in a place so seemingly peaceful. He moved down the stair cases like a ghoul, floating. Then, as he neared the servant’s quarters he heard soft noise…music…a piano, playing some haunting melody that drew him down the steps, more weightless with every note.

It so surreal to be here in this situation…it was so strange, that Thomas thought for a moment he was dreaming up what was before him. He thought he was imaging Jimmy there, sat by the piano under the moon’s pale beam, beads of sweat formed on his brow.

But no matter how hard he blinked he didn’t disappear. It was real, he was here. He was pulled closer, hand reaching out and caressing his shoulder. Only then did Jimmy’s playing quiver to a stop. The younger, exhausted, turned to look up at Thomas whose finger slid into his curls. “What are you doing here sweetheart?” he wondered.

“Hm, didn’t want you t-t’be alone after…talking about that stuff.” His eyes were dazed and there was a silly smile on his face.

“Uhuh, those painkillers are really doing a number on you mm?”

And then Carson came strolling in, wrapping in his robe and froze, completely befuddled as Thomas snatched his hand away. “Barrow!? James!? What is the meaning of this? Why is James…”

“I honestly don’t know Mr Carson, about how he got here either, but I think it might be something to do with the pain killers.”

“Well get him to bed! He shouldn’t be up in his condition.” He demanded and Thomas nodded quickly.

“Right you are Mr Carson.” The butler left and Thomas helped Jimmy up, in the end, giving up when he couldn’t find his footing and just sweeping him up into his arms, bridal style. Jimmy giggled hysterically and Thomas couldn’t help but follow him, shush him as they got up to the right floor. Thomas took Jimmy to his own room, kicking back the covers and very nearly falling but somehow, he managed to lay Jimmy down and cover him over, he crouched beside the bed, combing the younger’s hair back.

“Do yer need anythin’?” he asked him. Jimmy hummed and nodded.

“I want a kiss…”

Thomas chuckled but leant down, kissing him soft and gentle, eyes fluttering closed. He would have pulled away, if it weren’t for Jimmy’s fingers on the back of his neck keeping them pressed together.

Suddenly, very suddenly, Jimmy was heating things up, kissing hard and fast and pulling Thomas closer. Thomas made a muffled noise and pulled back.

“Mm! Jimmy…s-shite...god, stop…stop.”

Jimmy whined and went for him again. “Thomas…please…fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Will you?”

Thomas felt Jimmy’s works prickle heat down his spine and at any other time, he would gladly appease Jimmy. Instead he pushed his shoulders down. “Not yet sweetheart…not yet…god I want to, but not now.”

Jimmy sighed and sunk back into the pillows. “You’re so barmy Thomas.” He huffed.

The elder scowled. “Why?

“You waited years to have me body. Now you have the chance you turn me down.”

“Well may be it says something eh?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, that maybe it’s not your body I’m after.”

/

“A what?” Andrew back at home talked to the detective inspector. “Somebody handed it in? John Bates. No! No, it’s not nothing I’m sure! This could be imperative to the case! If you could do something for me? Not tell a should about it. I will let Barrow know in the morning! Thank you.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas find tending to Jimmy heart-wrenching and he gets help from an unlikely source.

_You lay before me, monochrome shades, with gentle breaths and lashes for days. You lay before me a veteran of hell, when you lay before me and my heart is well._

_You lay before me, calm like the waves. You lay before me and my life if saved. You lay before me, eyes so blue and all I see in this world is you._

/

Luckily when Jimmy had announced he would be checking himself out of hospital, the doctors had sent him home with a paper bag full of medicine and instructions. Thomas chuckled to himself thinking of drug high Jimmy marching, or more like stumbling into the reception room and declaring his departure.

The underbutler watched him sleep and tried to fathom that he was being payed to look after and spend time with the man he adored. Although it wasn’t all sunshine…that would mean changing his dressings and cleaning his wound regularly, comforting him when he was an hour from his next dose of painkillers, cleaning and washing the bedsheets regularly.

It felt like his life had recycled around and he was a solider returned from war, working in the hospital beside Lady Sybil. But this time he was alone, and somehow, this was worse. A million wounded soldiers couldn’t prepare him for the pain he would feel about one injured Jimmy Kent.

/

Jimmy let out gut-wrenching bellow. “Shh…I know…deep breaths.”

“Thomas! S-stop it hurts!” he whimpered, desperately trying to shove his hands away.

“I know sweetheart. But we have to clean it.”

Jimmy whined. It was a half hour until his next set of pain killers but honestly, Thomas couldn’t wait any longer to clean it, the blood was starting to congeal and if it dried It would lock in infectious germs.

There was a soft knock at the door and Thomas growled. “Yes?!” sharply. Intriguingly, it was Bates who entered.  “Look. Tell Mr Carson I’m sorry but if he’s in pain I can’t just…”

“Actually…I was wondering if I could help.” Thomas furrowed his brow and Jimmy too, behind him, sweaty and exhausted looked confused. “I worked briefly as an assistant medic in the Boer war. I thought if anyone would be useful it would be me.”

Thomas nodded a little wary. “Yeah uh…do you know how to prepare the antiseptic solution?” Bates nodded. “The bowl’s over there…could you fill it?” Bates nodded again and began on it as Thomas carried on cleaning and Jimmy gritting his teeth.

“Nnn. Jesus…how are you not done!” Jimmy groaned.

“Just the antiseptic…then I can wrap you up again, yeah?” his tone was faint … honeyed. It wasn’t a tone Bates was used to hearing from Thomas. He knew Thomas was perhaps overly fond of James and definitely attracted to him. But true romantic love wasn’t something he thought the man…or any man was capable of feeling for another. Perhaps…he could admit that he had been ignorant.

Bates held out the bowl and a fresh rag for Thomas, who thanked him under his breath, too engrossed in Jimmy to pay attention. Bates opened Thomas’s wardrobe and pulled out a leather belt, he folded it and gave it to Jimmy.

“Bite down on this, it’s going to hurt quite a bit more.”

Jimmy wanted to sarcastically thank him for filling him with dread, but he supposed he was trying to help. He took it and bit down.

Thomas took a deep breath and very gently pressed the cloth to the wound. Jimmy screamed out but it was muffled this time. And Thomas hated it, with each press, he felt more and more evil for bringing the pain down upon this perfect creature. But soon he was done and Bates was helping to lift Jimmy so he could wrap him and Thomas felt almost as glad as Jimmy that it was over.

The younger puffed and sweltered as he was finally allowed to rest. Thomas took a third cloth and began dabbing his forehead. “There we go…there we go. It’s okay.”

Bates moved the other bowls away, curiously watching his so called enemy coo another man calm. He guessed villainy was matter of perspective.

After Jimmy had finally calmed, he dazedly looked up at Thomas. “How are your in-injuries…from…from him.” Ah, and so James loved him too. No man in the amount of pain James was in would ever worry for another’s unless love was involved on some level.

“They’re fine…you looked after me good a proper. Dr Clarkson said my ribs are almost healed.”

“Good.” Jimmy nodded. “Hmm.”

There was a second knock at the door, this time, Thomas was a lot calmer. “Yes?” he called.

Mr Carson entered surveying the highly unlikely scene with a hawk eye and a cocked brow. “Mr Barrow, a call for you.”

“Must be Hopkins.” he murmured. “Uh…” he turned to Bates. “Will you stay with him a moment? His painkillers are due in five ticks. If I’m not back up… give ‘em to him for me?”

“Of course.” Bates agreed. Thomas twitched the most miniscule smile towards him and reluctantly left Jimmy with a man he could barely stomach.

/

“Hello?”

“Thomas!”

“Mr Hopkins?”

The man laughed. “Please call me Andrew.”

“Okay…”

“I call you with great news Thomas! Try not to be so demure.”

“Every time I’ve had news in the past month it’s been severely bad…aside from the fact Jimmy Kent was going to live.”

“Ahh I see your point. Well in any case this time you’re wrong. Some evidence has come to light that could play a massive part in winning your case.”

A shot of excitement jolted Thomas. “Yeah?”

“Yes… courtesy of a Mr John Bates.”

There was a long silence. “You’re fooling with me.”

“I can assure you I’m not.”

“But why…what could he possibly have that could…”

“A letter.” Thomas’ mind went blank. A letter? What kind of… “Addressed to you and signed from the Duke himself.”

Thomas blinked rapidly. “No…he can’tve…the Duke he…they were destroyed.”

“Apparently aside from one…that Bates told the police he kept to use against you if you were to cross him one day. I guess that now…well he’s decided you’ve redeemed yourself. But Thomas this letter screams obsession and if the Duke was clever, as a married man he would have destroyed the ones from you as well. This could be the thing that tips it for the court. This could be the clincher here.”

“Right…”

“Come on dear chap! You don’t sound too excited about it!”

“It’s good…no it’s amazing…thank you for letting me know.”

“You’re quite welcome! Well say hello to James for me and for now keep this between you me and him.”

“Yeah I will. Thank you”

“You’re welcome. Good day to you Thomas.” The underbutler hung up. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before heading back up to his lover and his ex-enemy.

/

“What’s your game anyway.” Jimmy rasped as he knocked back the pills. Bates looked up at him.

“My game?”

“Yeah. Your game. Why would you help me? Or Thomas. You hate his bloody guts, what do you gain from it?”

“Maybe it’s like you said James…maybe I had to grow up someday. And beside I may have severely disliked Thomas in the past. But he’s almost an entirely different man from when we first met. I suspect you and the war have a lot to do with it.”

“Mm, you make me and the war sound one and the same.”

Bates laughed.

Then the door opened and the underbutler stood frozen.

“How did you do it?” Thomas asked eyes brimming with tears, with devastating and doubtful relief. “Did yer forge it? Were you lying to them? How did you…”

Bates stood and Jimmy’s eyes darted between them confounded. “I did neither.”

“I swear to god.” Suddenly, Thomas was marching over to him, grabbing him by his lapels and slamming him against the wall. “If you’re fucking with me I will make you pay.”

“Thomas…” Jimmy growled. “Fer god sake, calm down.”

But Bates looked quite unperturbed. “Thomas how in the hell would I even know about the letters unless the one I turned in was genuine.”

And then it all fit into place. God, it was true wasn’t it. Thomas let him go.

“For the love of god can someone let me know what yer all harping on about.” Jimmy groaned. Bates turned to him as Thomas just stared blankly at the wall.

“Back in the first year me and Thomas met…we were… let’s say far from friends, he public embarrassed me in front of the Duke when the Duke was visiting. I noticed the tension between them, I decided to investigate. Lo and behold I find the letters. Love letters from the same Duke. And I took one in case he decided to repeat his earlier mistake. Luckily over the years Thomas here has changed…” he looked to the man who was speechless. “And besides I’ve been behind bars…wrongly behind bars. No man deserves that. So, I handed it in.”

Jimmy’s eyes moved to Thomas. “I…” the underbutler started. But he seemed at a loss for words. So, he simplified it. “Thank you.” It was said genuinely, that same sincerity in every curve and dip of his expression. “I mean it. I’ve done…well absolutely nothin’ to deserve it.”

“Yes well, being a decent human isn’t about measuring up your kindnesses, is it?” Thomas nodded not quite sure how to react. “Anyway, James has had his painkillers, do call me if there is anything for me to do.” The valet made to leave the room. Then he turned back to them just for a second. “Isn’t love a wonderful, tender thing?” he smirked and then he left.

“Well…that’s a turn up for the-“Jimmy was cut off by a kiss. A searing, swooping, joy-filled kiss and then Thomas showered his face with them too. Jimmy laughed. “What’re are you doing you great fool.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he giggled his eyes still full of tears as he cupped the youngers face. “Don’t you get what this means? This is hard proof. That the Duke was engaged in this crap too from the start, he weren’t unwanting of it. He wasn’t forced or coerced. He can’t lie. This will bring him down.”

Jimmy smiled from ear to ear. “Yeah well…that don’t make you any less of a great fool.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am literally SO sorry this took so long. I wanted to make it as perfect as possible. And also this is like 1500words over my norm at least so...yeah suck it up boo boos ;). With court date looming and tension getting to Thomas, Jimmy decides they need to shut the world out if only just for a few hours. Also if you want any updates (lateness etc) then watch my tumblr, same name as here. I might also use it to give extra information about could have beens etc.

The court date was set for the 12th November…just six days from after the present. Luckily in that time Thomas, with occasional assistance of Bates or Anna had been able to get Jimmy to a state where he was able to walk alone, with a little assistance and near no pain.

It had been the reasonable calm before the storm, the summer before the autumn showers. It had mostly been just he and Jimmy, painting and writing. Talking and reading. Then sometimes, Jimmy would just pull him into a kiss and with every one of them, he got closer to breaking Thomas. He knew very soon Thomas would give in. He never really could deny Jimmy what he wanted after all.

Jimmy was right of course, and it was the day before the trial that Thomas finally couldn’t stop himself. It was then when he surrendered himself to Jimmy truly.

/

“Alright… let’s try this.” Thomas jogged to the other side of the dining room, most of the servants still watching them, laughing good spiritedly behind their hands. Jimmy pouted good and proper from the place Thomas had just been.

“I feel like a toddler learning to waddle.”

Thomas rolled his eyes with smile curving his lips. “Well you’re acting like one… right…” he held out and arm like a caller to his bird. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Jimmy took a deep breath and took his hands away from the chair.

First off, he steadied himself, eyes flickering from the floor to Thomas uneasily, then he carefully shuffled forward, at first quite gracefully. However, in the centre of his journey his core began to shake and legs began to weaken. In the end, he was stumbling before he made it. Rather unceremoniously he fell into Thomas’ waiting arms.

The elder laughed and caught him around his middle, holding him up to a soft applause. “Well lad, you did it.” He told him as he helped him straighten up.

“I wish you wouldn’t call me lad…it don’t help with the feeling like a toddler.”

As Thomas rolled his eyes again and he, accompanied by Bates and Anna began to drag Jimmy back up to his room. Unfortunately, they passed Ivy and Daisy in the kitchen and overheard their mindless gossip.

“…but you have heard, haven’t you?” Ivy whispered her back to the new occupants.

“Heard what?” Daisy sighed exasperated as she scrubbed at the cake tin.

“It’s all over the papers!”

“What is!”

“Jimmy! And Mr Barrow!” The two men paused midway. They had been strategically avoiding the newspapers for days, after they had been afformed that they were indeed broadcasting the story over the entirety of England. “Apparently they’ve been sneaking around…doing…wicked and dirty things together.”

The two men felt an anger bubble up, shared between them.

“Don’t be stupid!” Daisy scowled. “Thomas shows interest in no one, and Jimmy likes girls. He went after you, didn’t he?” “Yeah…and I said no. Well it makes sense don’t it!?” She whispered, an almost comic conspiring tone coming into her voice. “He gets turned down, he turns to the nearest person who gives a monkey’s about him. And think about it! Have you ever seen Mr Barrow be nice to anyone but Jimmy?”

“He were always quite nice to me.” Thomas felt a stab of affection for Daisy as he gave Jimmy Anna and the wall to lean on. “And he liked Lady Sybil and he were nice Mrs Hughes sometimes and he’s good to Anna… he used to be quite close to Miss Obrien. “

“Yeah but you’re all girls aren’t yer?” Ivy huffed. “If you ask me those papers might have some truth in th-“

SLAM! Both girls jolted violently and dropped their sponges and utensils. The noise was so loud that Mrs Patmore came scurrying into the room red curls fallen in her red face. “What’s all this racket!?”

“You should be very careful what you say Miss Stuart.” Thomas warned, darkly. “Talk like that could catch you a lot of enemies and send more than one innocent man to cells.”

The young girl looked terrified. “Oh, Mr Barrow, no…I didn’t mean it like…”

“I don’t give diddly squat what you meant Miss Stuart. You’re a silly little girl, gossiping over silly little rumours and you should watch your tongue before someone has to watch it for you.” he gathered a surprised Jimmy from Anna and took him away.

“And for your information…” Bates slipped in as Thomas and Jimmy disappeared. “I have been up to that room on numerous occasions, sometimes without a knock on the door and I have found not a thing untoward to be happening behind it. You should be careful what you say…before you ruin a good man’s name.”

Ivy looked very flustered and upset as they left.

“What have you done you silly girl…” Mrs Patmore lamented.

/

Back in the room, after the Bates’ left, Thomas was pacing while Jimmy was perched on the bed in his night clothes. “Thomas…”

The flicker of the gas lamp lit and shadowed Thomas’ face, highlighting all of the frown lines. He hissed as he stubbed his toe on the edge of the bed and kicked it again for good measure.

“Well that were clever.” Thomas grumbled something and carried on his pacing, further away from the bed’s edge. “Thomas…calm down fer god sake.”

“Just one Jimmy, just one silly little girl like her. That’s all it would take against the Duke’s word to bollocks it all up.”

“But she’s just what you said…a silly little girl. And the court will know that. These are educated men Thomas, with proper degrees and that. They know the difference between a rumour and the truth.”

“But we aint, are we? We aint a rumour.”

Jimmy shrugged. “We also aint what he told them we were. Unless you feel for me different than I feel for you.”

Thomas stopped pacing and swivelled to him. “Course I don’t.”

“Then shut up your moaning, lock the door and c’mere.”

Thomas let out a long calming breath and Jimmy shifted back onto the bed as the older shoved a wedge of wood under door to lock it.  When Thomas turned, Jimmy was all lay out in lamplight, looking almost back to normal, almost all the colour had returned to his face. All that was different was that under that t-shirt, Jimmy had a rather nasty half healed scar.

Thomas stripped off his vest, untucked his shirt and kicked off his shoes before he crawled onto the bed, knees bracketing Jimmy’s hips. Jimmy smiled, sheepishly up at him and played with the collar of Thomas’ shirt. There was a little sparkle in his eyes and a rosiness in his cheeks.

“You’re so beautiful.” Thomas breathed brushing his curls from his forehead. Jimmy let his eyes close. He would revel in this…who knows what would happen tomorrow. For now, he would just let himself be, let himself feel.

“So are you.”

Thomas shook his head. “Maybe I used t’be…I’m kinda faded round the edges…you’re the beauty here you’re...”

“Thomas…” The older man quietened and Jimmy open his eyes, hands cradling Thomas’ face, thumbs tracing his cheekbones. “If I say yer beautiful. In my eyes, you are. When’ve I ever lied to you?”

Thomas smiled and leant down gathering his lips in a gentle kiss. “So sweet...” He whispered between kisses, soft grin and lidded eyes.

The younger shivered and was suddenly rolling Thomas onto his back, the underbutler letting out a slight. “Oomph.” As he was pressed into the mattress. He chuckled delicately, looking like the most precious thing under Jimmy. His smile was erased however and replaced with a look of awe as Jimmy lifted his t-shirt gingerly over his head and dropped it behind him.

Quickly, Jimmy covered his ruined abdomen with his arm, but as soon as it was there…Thomas was pulling away, fingers entwined with Jimmy’s.

The younger blushed and for a second he just sat back on Thomas’ thighs and watched as the underbutler took each finger and kissed left reverently. When he was done, Jimmy pulled his hands away, causing Thomas to jerk his head up, inquisitively.

Instead of an answer, Jimmy smiled and began to unbutton Thomas’ shirt. It took a while and Jimmy’s clumsy hands kept slipping, but finally he was able to push it open.  For a second he just got lost in the silky feel of Thomas under his hands, in the way Thomas sighed and closed his eyes and sank into the serenity of it all.

Then he leant down and started to kiss his skin and in all honesty, Thomas felt a lump in his throat. Jimmy wasn’t about to fuck him… this was love making. It was something that Thomas never fathomed could even possibly happen to him. “Oh god...”

Jimmy’s head shot up. “What…fuck did I do somethin’?”

“No! No please don’t stop.” He urged.

Jimmy cocked his head funnily. “You alright? You look like yer about to burst into tears or somethin’”

“I’m fine…don’t worry about me.”

“Well that’s a daft thing to ask someone who loves you.”

Thomas chuckled. “Then try not ter so much, if I’m emotional…it’s cause it’s you…that’s all.”

Jimmy nodded flame starting the waver on the table and his expression flickering in and out of focus. “Can I…can we take our bottoms off too?”

Thomas contemplated, caressing Jimmy’s waist and then nodded. “Yes please.” He turned his eyes up to him.

Jimmy beamed a little bounce in him when he moved back… carefully unbuttoning and unzipping Thomas’ pants, the older biting his lip and shifting nervously. He lifted his hips and let them be pulled down.

Jimmy’s lashes fluttered. It occurred to Jimmy he’d  never seen Thomas fully naked before. But here the man was, exposed completely pliant under him. It made Jimmy realise how powerful he was in this moment. He had Thomas’ pride, his trust and his whole heart in the palm of his hand. So easily he could break him…or of course, he could make him.

“Faded my giddy aunt…you’re such a liar.” He whispered his fingers brushing his cock. Thomas jumped, his body arching a little and let out a soft noise. Jimmy met his eyes, he looked wrecked already.

“I…” Jimmy drew his bottom lip between his teeth. “I want to put my mouth here…” his hand circled his cock and Thomas whined.

“Nghh fuck…”

“Please…”

“Yes…yes. God yes. Anything…anything you need.”

Jimmy got so overwhelmed with happiness…with the fact Thomas finally said yes, he was shaking, his body trembling as he slid down between his legs.

Thomas reached down, gloved hand caressing his cheek. “Oi…” Jimmy looked up, flushed. “I’m not going anywhere, it’s okay. I’m right here with you.”

It was something Jimmy had no idea he needed to hear till now. He was so thankful, so saturated by the love in that one comment that instead of thanking him he just took the hand, kissed it over the glove and then removed the glove, finger by finger. He placed it on the bedside table and pressed the hand back to his cheek. And Thomas shut his eyes. Because it was too much…too lovely to bear.

“I’ve never done this…” the footman admitted. “Blown a guy…”

“It’s okay…I’ll love it because it your mouth, because it’s you doin’ it to me…have you had it done to you before?” Jimmy nodded. “Then just do it the way you’d want it done to you. If it makes you feel good…it should be a good start.”

Jimmy thought about it for a moment and nodded before leaning down and kissing the tip. “Mm…”

Jimmy smiled at the reaction and let his lips stretch over the tip. Thomas bucked and gasped, hand buried in his hair and breaking it free from the pomade. “Oh god…look at that…” Jimmy closed his eyes, lashes settled against his cheekbones as he sucked on the tip delicately. “Oh, fuck sweet boy…look at you.”

Jimmy whimpered and sunk down further and Thomas tangled his fingers in his curls for purchase as his body bowed for him, sweat beading the pale skin already like dew drops. And Jimmy didn’t let up, he sucked him with a feverish gusto, eyes flickering up, lidded and though he’d cough or gag now and again, he would never stop.

Until Thomas begged.

“Fuck…Jimmy please…you gotta stop I-I’m gonna…”

Jimmy came back up with an obscene pop, red shiny lips and gasping for air. “I want you inside me…now… I-I need you to.” He begged his raspy voice shaking.

Too dazed to answer Thomas just fell back against the pillows. Jimmy crawled up him, taking his face between to palms so he could see just how serious he was. He started to roll his ass back, cloth dragging over Thomas’ spit slick cock.

“Thomas, I need it… pl-please I need you. I need yer to put it in me…god I need it so bad Thomas.” Thomas rolled them over swiftly so Jimmy was under him as he kissed him.

It was hard…passionate and god, so full of lust. But he took care of Jimmy’s body. He would never neglect that beautiful gift he had been blessed with. He kissed it, he caressed it expertly, he worshiped every available inch. He specifically seemed to have a thing for the V of Jimmy’s hips. It was new for the footman. Sure as hell no girl had lingered there for too long. But Thomas seemed obsessed. More than likely because it made Jimmy make high pitched little noises that got Thomas positively throbbing for him.

He asked him briefly if it was okay if he took his trousers off. Jimmy asked him if he was kidding. And when Thomas did…he couldn’t even summon anything eloquent.

“Fuck you’re the prettiest thing...” he breathed.

The younger just stared up at him. Big eyes and full of wonder as the older man drew him into a gentle kiss.  Then after a moment of awe stricken eye contact…he broke it to lean over and grab a tub of petroleum jelly.

Jimmy blinked. “What’s…what’s that for?”

Thomas blanked. Oh. He kept forgetting that they hadn’t just been like this forever. That Jimmy had never even thought about doing this with a man before him.

“Oh…it’s-it’s to slick my fingers. So I can stretch you and it feels better.”

“Stretch me?” Jimmy was baffled. Thomas chuckled and combed his hair back.

“It’s best I just show you sweetheart…stay with me yeah?”

Jimmy nodded. Then abruptly, Thomas was backing up and resting on his tummy between Jimmy’s legs. The younger was confused by it all but didn’t feel the need to ask any questions. Thomas would always take care of him.

The older caressed his thighs, hands moving over them like he was sizing up his canvas, ready to create some kind of masterpeice and then he hooked them over his shoulders spreading Jimmy a little.

The footman shivered as the cold air passed over the sensitive skin and then Thomas did something that nearly made him cum there and then. He dragged his tongue over the pucker, firm and with a soft moan.

“Fffuck!”

Thomas hummed in response and lapped gently between his cheeks. It was so erotic, and everything was burning up around Jimmy, his nerve endings on fire. The underbutler began speeding his tongue up…it was a gradual slope, but very soon it was shaking the globes of his ass and Jimmy was biting down on the pillow to keep himself quiet. It felt more than good. It was like nothing Jimmy had ever experienced.

After a short while though, Thomas pulled back, panting and caressing Jimmy’s trembling thighs.

“Mm, are you okay?” he asked breathlessly. Jimmy spluttered and burst out laughing. And Thomas was astonished but couldn’t help but join him.

“Christ Thomas, you wreck me like that and then ask me if I’m fine?” he chuckled. “I’m just fucking dandy…”

They laughed together, quietly so as to not draw any attention. Then it simmered down and Thomas shook his head.

“I love you.” He murmured.

“I love you too.” Jimmy was about to make some witty comment about how he’d love him more if he got on with it. But Thomas looked so taken by him…he looked so incandescently happy and sincere. He couldn’t…not now. Not when he was looking at Jimmy like he was the moon and stars and the light was fading from the candle and all Jimmy wanted was him. Him in darkness or light.

He wanted this man. And god did it scare him how much he wanted him. And god, did it make him brave.

His fingers felt…merely strange at first. One warm finger pressing in and out smoothly. Two hurt…and Thomas had to shush him, kiss his face, whisper his praises and tell him it was all okay. Jimmy knew it was, but it was nice to hear it all the same. By the time he was at the third and rubbing his prostate, Jimmy was a mess. He had heard of the prostate before. But he had no idea…

“Fuck!” he gasped. “Nhhh! Thomas! Fuck…you’ll make me cum…lord slow down.”

The elder blushed. “I’m s-sorry you just looked so…”

“I get it…but I-I wanted you remember?”

Thomas nodded and suddenly he looked incredibly and heartbreakingly anxious.

“Stop…” Jimmy whispered.

“Huh…

“Stop…stop thinking so hard. Because I trust you.” There was a pause. “Which…for me is harder to say than I love you. ‘Cause you can’t help who you love, can you? No more than you can help your age or wage or the colour of your skin. But you choose who you trust. God knows there aint many you can. But I trust you…I do.” He shifted. “Do…do you trust me?”

Thomas smiled, warm reverence. “Yeah…I do.”

Slowly, their bodies collided, melting into one as they kissed, it was all almost in one seamless move that Thomas pushed in, cock stretching him wider.

Jimmy had to bite down on his shoulder and the older had the soothe him with sweet words and kisses, but eventually he was moving, long, almost lazy strokes. Eyes rolling back… bodies quivering.

Thomas’ lips parted in an O he had to fist his hands in the sheets to keep his volume low.

“Oh, sweet heart…” his voice faltered. Jimmy for his part could do nothing bite his fist as Thomas hit home time and time again. It was too much, every inch of each of them was lit up like tree, Jimmy swore they were shining, all white hot and shuddering the core.

And the faster it got, the harder it was to keep himself grounded. All he had was Thomas to cling to. Everything…everything was him. All he could see, hear, taste, touch, smell was sex and Thomas.

And then it ended…in a split second. In a glorious crescendo and the two crying out into each other’s mouths as the candle burned it last and went out in a puff of smoke.

And they lay together shaking, clinging to each other for dear life. So desperately clinging and for what they didn’t know.

For it was just them in that room on a night neither of them would ever forget.

/

_I dreamt of you last night. Of us._

_The sea was rolling in again. Coming home. And you knew it too. That’s it…come back to me. Through the lens you were but a dark silhouette. Hair being teased by the wind._

_It was only when I took the camera away I could see your face. I saw you my love. The frost had bitten at your nose, all tinged pink you were and the seagulls glided in circles above me and cackled my silliness when I thought; how pretty he is cold. As if a season could determine the prettiness of you._

_I always had you down as a hypnotist. Never could I keep my eyes from you and you knew that too, you knew a lot more about me than I did._

_You turned to me from all those meters away, cupped your palms round your lips and shouted something that was lost behind the howl of the wind. I stood from my crouched positon, narrowed my eyes, tried to work it out._

_You smiled as you told me again, all lit up like a tree. But the gust threw your scarf up over your face. I couldn’t even read your lips._

_“I love you!” I yelled back._

_You hadn’t a clue what I said but you laughed, you were radiant with it, whatever it was. You turned back to the sea._

_“I love you!” I called again, this time my voice wavering into a whisper. “I love you.”_

_I lowered myself unsteadily to a crouch. My hands pressed together like a prayer. I prayed for nothing, I needed no more in that moment._

_In the distance you crouched too, palm splayed on the pebbles as the tide washed your skin clean. Then your eyes closed, your lifted your chin to the sky and bathed yourself in absolution. It was the kind of thing that made you wanna cry._


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My loves! I'm so sorry for the delay! I have to decided to split this trial into three parts! The first focusing on Philip, then one part on Thomas and the last on Jimmy and an other witness. I don't now yet if the verdict will be in the third part but be ready for twists and turns. FOR NOW! The trial begins, Thomas and Jimmy have an emotional moment and Andrew proves to be a savage in the courtroom.

It was an early morning. Thomas knew that meant the trial would go on all day. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to a day spent in the Duke’s company after a night spent in Jimmy’s.

He straightened the younger man’s tie.

“You’re fussing.”

“Are you surprised.”

Jimmy smiled. “Not in the slightest.”

Thomas considered him for a moment in disbelief. “How can you be this calm.”

“It’s either that or I fall apart and this whole thing goes to pot.” Thomas grimaced and turned away. Jimmy cupped his face. “Oi…stop it.  You need ter take a deep breath, yeah? You know what we need to tell ‘em. The Duke is already going down. All we need to protect now, is our names.”

“You mean we have to lie.”

“Thomas…if…if I could bolt it around town telling people I was yours then I would. But we can’t do that. We might never be allowed to do that. But at least if we have our freedom there’s a chance…even a bitty one, that we can be happy.” His thumbs caressed his temples. “And if the Bloomsbury lot would ever get back to us…that chance would double.”

Thomas smiled sheepishly. “Maybe they’re just waiting till after the trial. Aint no use excepting a condemned man.”

“Stop.”

“Sorry.”

Jimmy’s heart broke as Thomas’ eyes roamed his face like it was the last time. He pulled him into gentle kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I know.”

/

“Good morning Barrow, James.” The room scrambled to their feet

“M’lord, M’ladies, Mr Branson…” Thomas murmured, astonished. “What are you doing down here? I mean not that it’s…” Robert held up an amused palm.

“Don’t worry my lad, we thought we would just come down and see you off before we follow you up.”  The servants too gathered around the scene all dressed to nines. Robert moved forward and placed a palm on each of them men’s shoulders. “It will be good news today. I know it.”

“Thank you M’lord.” Jimmy uttered.

The Earl nodded. “Well we’ll see you down there.”

/

The ride to the court house was one of quietness and reflection for Jimmy and Thomas. They decided that turning up separately would be practical and that Thomas would exit the car around the block and Andrew would help Jimmy into the courtroom.

Apart from that, they just sat staring out of the windows at the passing and roaming Yorkshire hills, hands tangled together between them. Every time one would feel the nip of fear he would squeeze the other’s had, then the other would squeeze back. And Andrew sat across from them, simply smiling.

“How long have you been in love?” he asked rather abruptly. The two turned to him. Jimmy a little wearier than Thomas.

“A little under two years.” Thomas told him, voice weak from the lack of use. Andrew nodded.

“How about you, James?”

Jimmy looked to Thomas and then back to Andrew. “I dunno really…it sorta… crept up on me.”

“You make it sound like a ghoul looming in the shadows.” Andrew chuckled.

“I didn’t make it sound like anything. In a time like this…those feelings are terrifying to be sure. But you have a choice don’t you, die to be happy or live to be miserable. There’s only one choice with any light in it.”

Andrew hummed tapping his chin thoughtfully. “You’re a regular Bosie. And you an Oscar… a man and his mentor, two artists who fell into deep passionate love and are being thrown to the wolves by a society that deems them wicked. It’s quiet a fascinating thing… how history works in circles.”

“Well…I’m glad this is entertaining to you.” Thomas spat. Jimmy squeezed his hand in his: _calm down._ But Thomas couldn’t, not in the final hour with a man making a spectacle of their pain. “I think you’ve failed to notice some pretty wide differences between our two stories. Which as a lawyer is worrying to say the least.”

Andrew was quite unaffected. “Oh? What would those be.”

“I’ve never treated Jimmy like a son, neither of us are highly respected and neither of us have the blood of a Lord or a Marquis running through our veins. And even with a title for each of them, that didn’t stop one of them going to the cells. So, if your metaphor comes to any kind of light…that’s me well a truly buggered aint it?”

“True…true.” The lovers shot him a look akin to murder. “But then, the Marquis never shot his son, did he?”

Well…there was no disputing that.

The car pulled to a stop. And poignantly the door was opened by and titled man. The Earl met them at the door. “It’s time, are you ready?” he told Thomas.

The underbutler nodded. “Can you…can I have one moment M’lord?” he asked him, voice cracking on every syllable. The Earl nodded and he closed the door for just a moment. Hopkin’s too allowed them some privacy by averting his eyes.

Thomas and Jimmy locked in a gaze and their lips came together on instinct. Jimmy felt the strong urge to cry. Or to grab Thomas and run, and keep running until the world left them be.

“Oi…” two gentle hands cradled his face. “Look at me, right at me sweetheart.”

It was incredibly difficult, but Jimmy finally did and they found themselves trying to burn the details into the back of their minds. The faint freckles over Jimmy’s nose, the shadow in hollows of Thomas’s cheekbones…the tiny things that no other would care for, but fascinated them to no conclusion.

“Promise me somethin’…” Thomas asked. “No matter what goes on in that courtroom…no matter what they do to me. Don’t throw yerself to wolves too. Keep yerself safe.”

“Thomas…you can’t…”

“Promise me.”

“I…okay? Okay, I promise.”

“I love you.” He breathed as he tapped on the passanger door.

“I love you too.”

And Thomas was out, marching down the road much quicker than the Earl could follow him, before he did something stupid like cry.

He was swarmed quickly by photographers at the door, that were only called off when the Earl followed him, but their words still rang on. Their questions…disgusting and uncouth. Ranging from the wellness of his mind to the positions he enjoyed. To this, the Earl was outraged and turned to open his mouth against them.

But Thomas put a palm on his shoulder. “Don’t fuel them M’lord. Hyenas laugh as they devour their pray. Let them laugh at me. It won’t be for long.”

The Earl, impressed by Thomas’ composure, followed him inside without a word.

Jimmy’s arrival was a lot quieter, by now the police had been able to push the reporters to the side to allow the injured man a reasonably comfortable entry.

They were instructed to keep apart the whole trial long and so it left them to stare longingly at each other from either side of the marbled hall as Jimmy was led away to his separate room. The younger unable to keep his head from turning to Thomas, distressed as he was pulled through the door.

/

The boys were only reunited again in the court room, stood either side of Andrew. The opening statements were a blur, Jimmy’s eyes darting around the room, making out their colleagues in the gallery waiting.

It made Jimmy feel marginally better he supposed, to see such support in numbers. Thomas however didn’t look from the stand even as the Duke was called.

As the man appeared he was indeed a sight to behold. Though dressed in ornate, flamboyance his eyes were dark and his skin pallid. He looked like death itself…quite fitting.

The prosecution was up first and so it was Hopkins time to shine. He moved forward, wig and gown and took his time to get situated, unnerving the Duke, his teeth set on edge.

“Your honour I would like to read the statement that his Grace gave to the police on his imprisonment. Your Grace, please correct me if this is wrong.  ‘Barrow and I struck up a friendship of sorts when he was working for the Grantham’s at my home in Crowborough. When my valet went missing he dressed me, he was always very…’ handsy you say?” he looked up with narrowed eyes. “Can you explain what you mean by that?”

“I mean his hands wandered you fool. What else could I mean.”

The judge hammered once. “Your Grace if you could handle yourself with a proper decorum that would help your case greatly. Mr Hopkins proceed.”

Philip glared from the judge back to Andrew. “So, you say Mr Barrow was ‘handsy’… and how long did he serve as you valet?”

“The entire three days.”

“And when was the first time his hands wandered.”

“The very first day.”

Andrew raised a brow and Thomas shook his head. “How shocking and where may I ask…did his hand wander too?”

“My thigh, my crotch…”

“An audacious and unacceptable action!  And you didn’t think to ask for a different valet?” The first hit. The courtroom muttered around them and Jimmy smirked. “It seems to me, quite suspicious…that you would keep a man on for all those three days after he engaged in a such a sinful act such as that against your Grace.”

The Duke stood ridged, teeth gritted and could say nothing.

“But let me go on with statement, shall I?” Andrew almost hopped around the room. “I will skip the enormity of rather crude phrases you spouted about my client considering the ladies that are present. When we come to the events, not a month ago. The story we see begins before his Grace’s arrival. You say you sent a man early to prepare your room your Grace? Why?”

“I’m a particular man. I want particular things. I sent him with all of my bedding and my clothes.”

“Was your man due to return to you straight after the preparation, your Grace?”

“He was…” Philip scowled. “Though really I have not a clue what this has to do with the matter in hand.”

“Oh, not much your Grace,” he smiled. “Just that…you tell the police here that your man Smyth, overheard a conversation between Mr Barrow and Mr Kent down in the servant’s quarters? Well what would he be doing there if he was ordered to return to you directly after?”

Philip seemed to struggle with words for a moment and it pleased Thomas immensely to see him squirm. “How should I know man!? I was not there.”

“How indeed…” he caught Jimmy’s eyes on another pass of the room and smirked. Jimmy smiled back. He knew Thomas next to him would be cursing the moment he ever doubted Hopkins. “But it does seem inordinately suspect, that your man was sent to do a job that would have taken him twenty or so minutes at the most, a whole day before your arrival. You arrived dressed for lunch did you not? Or at least that is what his Lord and her Ladyships remember. So, while you were eating would it not have been more prudent to have your man prepare your room then?” The Duke said nothing. “Unless of course…as my client has stated. You sent your man to find your ex valet, Mr Barrow. Because if that were the reason you were really there…why would you come for a possible disappointment, yes?”

“Don’t be absurd man! You have no proof that is why I came!”

“Not yet…your Grace.” The lawyer and the Duke stared off for at least ten long seconds. A pin could be heard in the gallery and then Andrew spoke again. “For, now I will move on to your entrance, you here state your valet was taken ill on arrival.”

“Yes.” Was the sharp answer.

“Hmm and then something doesn’t add up. Why would request for a man who allegedly groped you, to be the valet for your foreseeable future?”

 Philip was quick on this one. “After being regaled with the sordid conversation between Barrow and James. I wished to pull the man away from the poor lad. If only for a few hours a day.”

“How…honourable of you, your Grace. However, I was under the impression you quite liked Mr Barrow. You would shower him in compliments to the butler Carson and to Crawley family…”

“I…” the Duke stuttered. “I decided that if I was complimentary he may have gone for me instead of Kent and he did clearly.”

“But…forgive me my Grace, I have here a letter,” the judges assistant handed him the envelope. “Handed in by a one Mr Bates… signed by you and carrying your seal. It is addressed to Mr Barrow here. It is dated almost twelve years ago. About…hm, a year after you first met Mr Barrow. One year after he allegedly assaulted you.”

The Duke lost even more colour if possible and Jimmy beamed, hope filling his soul. If this went on any longer, the need for witnesses may dissolve all together.

“Let me read it for you, your Grace.” He unfolded the letter to a room of keen eyes and bums of edges of seats. “ _’My sweet, you have not answered my last three letters, I hope the old men are not keeping you too busy or running you to ragged, we don’t want you looking old now, do we? I miss your youth my darling. I miss your mouth, so sweet and young. There’s something quite intoxicating in the age and power I had over you, I am not afraid to admit it. But you ignore me. It pains me. And what with a wife to now laboriously satisfy I find myself dreaming of your pert little body night to night… do hurry to answer me my sweet. Yours passionately, Philip._ ”

There was an outpour of commotion and the Duke started to lose his composure.

“But of course, it’s a forgery! This is ludicrous!” his face was bright red, like a screaming kettle ready to explode.

“It is your seal, your Grace, your signature. And by the sounds of your letter…you were far from disgusted by Mr Barrow.”

“BE SILENT MAN! I WILL NOT HEAR IT! I WILL NOT BE RUINED BY A COUPLE OF FAGGOTS AND THEIR…”

The judge hammered his gavel repeatedly. “Your Grace! If you do not calm yourself I will be forced to have you removed! Mr Hopkins do you have any more statements?”

“No, your honour, I believe there is already sufficient physical evidence to his Grace’s systematic abuse of Mr Barrow, as well as firm and numerous witness accounts of both said abuse and the shooting of Mr Kent... that is something his Grace cannot wiggle out of. Therefore, I have no further questions.”

The speech ended with an enthusiastic applause from the gallery, friends and colleagues of Thomas and Jimmy on their feet.

And Jimmy turned to Thomas face plastered with such optimism and joy. Thomas however kept his smile small. He knew this would not be the end…for when he was called, that was when the hard question would be asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say I LOVED writing all the witty, shady, savagery of Andrew Hopkins! Let me know how you feel about him!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen I have no idea if this is actually well written. I was so frustrated with it. There was a lot of weaving and a lot of careful wording...UGH. But here it is. Thomas takes to the stand...but will the pressure and a very intense lawyer crack him?

Thomas was up. Now it was the oppositions turn. By this point there was hardly a thing they could do for the Duke but to gain him some morsel of favour and drag the others down with him. The latter was the thing Thomas was most afraid of.

The Duke’s lawyer was a man named Henry Robson. A thin, willowing, stern looking old man with half-moon spectacles. And he eyed Thomas like a snake its mouse, as he took to the stands and swore over a bible that apparently condemned him. Thomas tore his eyes away, focused on Jimmy. Who gave him a look a pure devotion. It suddenly occurred to Thomas that this man…the only man to ever love him, was laying his life on the line for him today… and it bothered Thomas tremendously.

“Mr Barrow!”

Thomas was snapped out of his own mind as Robson spoke to him. “Yes?”

“I asked you a question man. Is your mind somewhere else?”

“My mind is everywhere at the moment, sir.”

He made a dissatisfied noise. “Well keep your mind on this. As I want very clear and concise answers. Is that understood.”

Thomas said nothing, just a twitch of his head in a nod.

“Very good. I may first bring you to the first time you met his grace. Several years prior to these current incidents. How old were you at this time?”

“Eighteen years old, sir.”

“And you had just been made a valet?”

“Yes, though I had served as one for guests a year prior.” Robson blinked behind his glasses, his expression quite plain. “So, you were…new to the rules and restrictions of the role?”

“I suppose…”

“Then we could guess a man like you could be…null to the to the idea of propriety.”

“I was certainly not null to propriety and I don’t quite know what you mean by ‘a man like you’.”

Robson hummed. “Well let’s take for example the conversation you were overheard having with Mr Kent.” This was the part Thomas was nervous about. He had no idea what Smyth had heard…and how he was going to bend his way around the truth. The assistant handed Robson the transcript and he unravelled it.

“Here Mr Smyth had heard to following from Mr Barrow: _Why didn’t you come last night? Did I do something?_ ” Thomas felt the eyes of his audience bore into him as his blood ran cold. Oh, this would be a hard one to smooth over. “Mr Kent then went on to answer: _I had, things to sort out. Thoughts to think._ ” Robson’s eyes roamed over to Jimmy and Thomas wanted to hop over that stand, take him by throat and tear those eyes from his head. He was using Jimmy, he was using him to draw a confession from Thomas, he was using his one true weakness. “He told Mr Barrow: _You’ll have to forgive me for a while if I’m…kinda here then there. I have a lot to figure out_. And then went on to implore Mr Barrow: _Please don’t ask me what we are because I don’t know, I don’t know what this or who I am or who you are to me. I don’t really know anything anymore._ ”

Thomas’s eyes flickered to Jimmy whose head was bowed, face pale and eyes closed. He turned back to Robson, resolve shaking. “Stop…” he breathed.

“After Mr Barrow tried to hush Mr Kent, Mr Kent then told him: _All I know is that I can’t keep away from you for long. And I don’t know why or what that means or what’s…happening here.”_

“STOP!” his voice rang out into the room and the citizens in the gallery murmured between themselves. When the judge had finally shouted them down Thomas went on. “You have no idea what you are talking about or the context of that conversation you…you don’t know anything.”

“Well the do enlighten us Mr Barrow, of this context you speak of. Because to my mind, there could be no other context but one.”

“Well of course there couldn’t…not to you. You’re opposing me. But there is a lot more to what Mr Smyth heard.” He shot the man a glare from the stand and the weasel of a man cowered away like always.

“Then do tell us Mr Barrow, we do not have all day.”

Thomas turned back to him eyes dark. Luckily, nobody had ever called Thomas stupid. In fact, he was great deal cleverer than anyone gave him credit for.

“Jimmy…Mr Kent was turning to me during a time of great sadness in his life.”

“Sadness for what, may I ask?” “Well that’s just it…he-he didn’t know why he was sad. So, he came to the only person who was just as depressed and as angry as himself and that would be myself. I who was seemingly born to be pained.” He said it simply, like he was bored with notion. But Jimmy felt a jump of relief. Thomas was working his way out, and doing it without particularly lying. “He came to me when nobody else was around. At night… for advice, for companionship. I think he-he must have felt too embarrassed to share it while people were around. He told me he didn’t know what we were or who he was because we were one in the same… and if he could understand his own head then how in the hell would he understand mine?”

“And what of his admission Mr Barrow, that he wasn’t able to keep away from you. Please explain to me why, if he was truly coming to you for comfort, he would be dubious to stay near you.”

Thomas blinked. Andrew might had been the savage lawyer…but this man, he was very versed in twisting words and molding them into ammunition. “I…I wasn’t very liked at the time…others had convinced him that I was evil.”

“And how was it you were you evil to them?”

Thomas sighed. “That’s question that is very complicated. I have done…awful things in the past, been less than kind. Tormented people I didn’t like and…”

“Kissed people in their sleep.” Fuck…shit, shit. Thomas was beginning to shake, hands clenched on the wood of the barrier. How in the hell did he…?

“Objection!” Andrew called from the sidelines. “Could Mr Robson please stick to the matter at hand. The attempted murder of Mr Kent and the ritual abuse of Mr Barrow.”

“Your honor,” Robson sighed. “I am examining Mr Barrow’s character, by this I may then determine if my clients counter claim has any weight.”

The judge considered it. “Sustained, Mr Robson you may continue, but please… tread carefully.”

The man nodded and turned back to Thomas, who’s mind was flickering like a cinema screen of all the possible worst scenarios here. “Mr Barrow, in the summer of 1921, there was a complaint filed against you by a Mr Alfred Nugent.” He retrieves the document. “It states that Mr Barrow unknowing to Mr Kent assaulted him in the night. The claim was later withdrawn.” He turned his heavy-set eyes up to Thomas. “Can you explain the events of that night?”

Jimmy couldn’t breathe. He knew it would come down to this. His stupidity, his ignorance and vanity was about to lose him the only person he every gave two shits about. He was intent to get onto that stand and put them all right. His nails digging into the wood of the table.

“Hold on…” he whispered under his breath. “Come on…just hold it together.”

“I…” Thomas started after a pause. “There was a misunderstanding.”

“Hm? What kind of misunderstanding?”

“Me and a couple of my colleagues were drinking, we…started to…foolishly dare each other to do things, shout things…kiss each other even. It got to a point in the night where it was going to far I…I was dared to kiss him...so I did. Mr Nugent took it the wrong way, Alfred…he had just returned from and outing and had walked in at the wrong moment and misread the situation. That is all.”

“This a very convenient story.”

“There was a reason that complaint was withdrawn.” Thomas snapped. “There was nothing to complain about.”

“Yet…all this time…your so-called friend Mr Kent did nothing to squash the rumors. Is it possible that this was because the rumors were true and you did in fact, take advantage of him?”

“How dare you…” Thomas breathed. But Robson went on, unresponsive.

“What I am suggesting Mr Barrow in a roundabout sort of way is that you seem to have had a problem with keeping your body to yourself.”

“I never touched the Duke! Not until he forced my hand!”

“Mr Barrow. I will just come out and ask it.” The lawyer had the nerve to sound bored. “Are you a homosexual or are you not?”

Thomas’ expression went blank. He was just so done by this point, done with being attacked for it. He was so beaten and tired. So, he simply sagged where he stood and sighed.

“So, what if I was…” There was an audible intake of breath. And he laughed, he laughed because it was almost a pantomime in the room.  “And if you need any proof that Mr Kent isn’t, you need only look at his face right now.”

Jimmy indeed was in shock, horror was written all over him, but not for the reason Thomas was suggesting. I was because Thomas had just thrown himself in front of the train. He just…let it happen.

“Oh god you gasp…” Thomas was withering. “As if it would be the most profane thing you’ve heard today…that man should love a man instead of woman. Let us not take into account that I have been to hell and back stitching bodies together in the Somme. Or that I was wounded and still chose to carry on living that hell even after my discharge… in the hospitals back at home. Tending to your husbands and brothers and sons.” His voice started to get louder, pain riddling every broken syllable. “Or that I work like a dog from dawn to dusk, serving your aristocracy with not a whisper of a voice or life of my own! I stand here a victim or rape, the only man who had ever shown me real kindness, with hole in his stomach and your DARE to suggest that it is of any importance at this point who I fuck!” he was shouting at this point, tears in his eyes. The judge spoke up.

“Mr Barrow! You will calm yourself, now!” He bellowed. But Thomas was too far gone.

“If this was ANY other man...he would be in those cells right now, locked up tight and the key thrown to the sea! But there he stands with a smirk on his smug little face because his power and his metal had bought him a voice!”

“Baylis take Mr Barrow out of my sight! We are to take a break while he composes himself!”

Even as the officers came, Thomas kept speaking. Tear running in floods and rivers down his cheeks. “He has taken my dignity, my pride and my life…he’s besmirched my name, almost killed the only man I ever cared about. And to top it off, he’s made me the punch line of a media joke! But it’s me who is evil!? How-How can it even be!?” The officers catch Thomas by his arms and begin to drag him from the room as Thomas whips his head around to speak to the Duke directly, sobbing out his questions.

“WHAT MORE CAN YOU TAKE!? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?” he roared as he was dragged kicking, screaming and hysterical out of the room…his cries heard even after he vanished.

And Jimmy has sunk to his knees, suddenly dizzy. Suddenly breathless. When Andrew crouched next to him, Jimmy turned his eyes up. Terrified. Oh god was he terrified.

“Jesus, Hopkins, what’s he done…”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am once again unsure of this chapter and apologise for the lateness but its a longun. Andrew does damage control, Jimmy takes to the stand and the scentence/s? are given.

Jimmy felt no feeling in his legs as he was being almost carried from the room for the suggested break.

Andrew took him from the vicinity, murmuring something presumably comforting into his ear. But Jimmy heard nothing, his vison black at the edges. Things only became clear again as he spotted Thomas, head in hands waiting in the hallway. An anger roared like fire in the footman’s gut.

“You prick.” Jimmy growled. His pain forgotten he lunged for Thomas only to be pulled back by Andrew last minute. “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING SAY THAT! WE WERE WINNING.”

Thomas stood shakily, eyes still red and palms raised to the other in surrender. “You need to calm down before you hurt-“

“DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN.”

Andrew who was struggling to contain Jimmy by this time spoke up. “Gentleman! If we could take this into private!”

Jimmy shoved out of the lawyer’s grip and into the holding room to the left. And Thomas gave Andrew the most apologetic look before following him in.

/

Jimmy plopped himself into the nearest chair, silently fuming. Thomas for his part stayed stood, eyes not leaving Jimmy as he came around the other side of the table.

“Is that why?” Jimmy spoke up, glaring moodily at the floor.

Thomas’ voice shook as he answered. “What?” Jimmy’s eyes snapped up.

“Is that why you made promise to shield myself…no matter what. Was that yer plan? To throw you to wolves instead of me.” Thomas said nothing, but his pitiful expression said it all. Jimmy shook his head. “What in hell is wrong with you. Yer mental. I think you’ve actually lost it.”

“There’s too much evidence against me for buggery…who knows where he woulda gone Jimmy…how far into my past, I have done such terrible things before I met you. The only way to keep you from harm was to stop him in tracks. Give him the answer he wanted…”

“AND PUT YERSELF BEHIND BARS THOMAS! Don’t yer get it! I will not last a moment without you! I was barley getting by before but now…” his voice began to break and so did Thomas. His poor boy… “It’s like touching heaven aint it…then been yanked back down to the dirt.”

“My dear gentleman…if I may interject.” The two turned to him, slow, not sure if they wanted to allow, not when the room was this emotionally charged. But Andrew carried on regardless practically prancing toward them. “I think there is a lot less to worry about then you both foresee.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Lord you’re both daft as each other.”

“Oh! But you’re wrong.” He chuckled. “Mr Barrow never actually answered Mr Robson’s question.”

Both the underbutler and the footman locked eyes in a quizzical gaze and then Thomas spoke first. “What on Earth are you on about…I had a…a full-blown mental breakdown…”

“Thomas…think. You said: ‘So what if I was?’, not ‘Yes I am.’. Therefore, anything that came after it was…yes emotionally charged but completely hypothetical. In fact, you seemed a lot more upset about the fairness in class division than you did with the question of your sexuality.”

 The perked the two men up, if they’d have been puppies, those ears would’ve been twitching. “You mean there’s a chance we can swing it…” Jimmy breathed.

Andrew smirked. “I think we can more than swing it…I think we can convince the court that Thomas here lashed out due to the emotional distress that the Duke has caused him and that alone.”

Thomas however looked hesitant. “It’s a shame…” he whispered. “There was a certain freedom for a while…to just be telling them the truth.”

Jimmy stood and rounded the table. Using the wood to keep steady. “Thomas this isn’t about truth anymore…it’s about survival.” He finally made it the elder and used his spare hand to caress his cheek, Thomas closing his eyes at his touch. “Me and you yeah? And you can spit as much truth as you’d like to me in private… in the bedroom we share in the Bloomsbury house.”

That finally drew a smile from Thomas, the vision of waking up next to this man…all domestic like a real married couple and it was all he could do to sigh, nodding his consent. “Okay…let’s do it.” he murmured.

“Fantastic!” Andrew cried. “Well, here’s what we will do…”

/

After correspondence with the judge and a promise that Thomas would keep his composure, Hopkins got Thomas back on the stand again before the judge even re-entered the courtroom.

“All rise!”

The man in the powdered wig entered and the room stood for him until he took his seat. When the room had settled back into theirs, the old man finally spoke, his voice booming out into even the furthest corners. “Mr Barrow. I have it on good authority from your lawyer that there will be no further outbursts. Is that correct?”

“Yes, your honour. I apologise…”

“Mhm, well good…Mr Robson? Did you have any further questions?”

“No further questions your honour.”

“Mr Hopkins? Do you wish to question your client?”

“I do, your honour.” Andrew answered, getting to his feet, leaving Jimmy once again on his own on the side-lines. When Thomas met Andrew’s eyes there was a camaraderie there, a sense on safety. This…this would so much easier than before.

“Mr Barrow…the questions asked to you by Mr Robson seemed to spark anger within you. Can tell the court why.”

“I…his Grace…the Duke, he has put me through a great deal. Me and Mr Kent both. I was angry yes…I was angry because he was still allowed to put me through it.”

“I see that. Were you angry too that he was able to draw an admission out of you?”

“An- an admission of what, Sir?” the underbulter furrowed his brow. Jimmy tried desperately not to chuckle from afar. That talented little shit, audiences would flock to see acting like that and here he was rolling of a spiel without breaking a sweat.

Andrew cocked his head. “Did you not admit to the court your homosexual tendencies, not half an hour ago?”

Thomas blinked and his eyes widened. “Not that I can recall…” The room broke in a quiet rumble of muttering voices. Like thunder on the horizon.

“Objection!” Robson stood, infuriated. “Mr Barrow is making a mockery of this court…”

“How so?” Thomas asked shaking his head. “If I recall correctly…I told you it shouldn’t matter if I was homosexual and that clearly Mr Kent was not. I never actually answered yes or no.”

Robson’s eye burned a fury and next to him, cuffed, the Duke stood on much the same road. Teeth gritted and grinding. Thomas had them.

“Sustained…” the judge droned. “Mr Hopkins continue, please and before we all get old and retire to the grave.” Andrew nodded.

“Why Mr Barrow I believe you’re correct.” Hopkins beamed. Thomas smiled back, this was almost fun in a twisted sort of way. And Hopkins’ optimism was infectious. “So, I shall ask you again and please answer yes or no. Have you indeed been involved in any wilful acts of buggery, outside those you have claimed to be forced upon you by his Grace?”

There was a short pause, the atmosphere could have been cut like butter and then: “No I have not.”

The Duke shot to his feet. “YOU BASTARD!” Thomas wished he hadn’t, but he flinched.

“ORDER!” the judge called.

“You and your little faggot! How dare you!”

“Baylis! Remove his Grace! He shall return for his verdict and his verdict only.” As Philip was pulled from the room he spat in Thomas’ general direction. This time however Thomas stayed strong, his gaze unwavering, never breaking from Philip’s outrage until the doors slammed shut. Then he turned to Jimmy, who smiled so proudly at him from below and smiled back, just a twitch. But a whole host was told between them in that one smile.

“Mr Hopkins, do you have any further questions for Mr Barrow?” Hopkins smirked Robson’s way.

“No…I think I’m done here your honour.”

/

Jimmy, in this case, would be one simple thing for either side. For the defence, he would be the last-ditch attempt to draw something out, that could damage either of the men. For the prosecution, he was the last piece in the puzzle. The absolute confirmation of their innocence.

Still there was something protective in Thomas, that put him on edge to see Jimmy up their alone. So pretty and boyish. For his normal height and decent build, he looked tiny.

Robson was to have the floor first.

“Mr Kent.” He started. “Upon first meeting Mr Barrow, how did act towards you?”

Jimmy shifted. “I…Kind? Attentive? He was one of the few men there to actually warm to me.”

“Why do you think that was?”

“We talked…we had a lot in common, we both had little to no family and…and like he said to me once. ‘We both like to look sure of ourselves. But were not very sure underneath.’ I guess we found comfort in that kind of connection and companionship.”

That was it, the first hurdle dodged. “Right, and what of the later incident, where Mr Barrow was accused of assaulting you.”

Jimmy shrugged. “It was as Mr Barrow said. It were a drunken mistake and I weren’t in on the joke.”

“Then why would you not defend your friend?”

There was a quiet moment, Jimmy guiltily recollected on the events of that year before he spoke. “ I think…one of my many flaws is that I’m easily led astray when fear is in the equation. I were…led to believe if I didn’t allow Mr Nugent to push further people may think me queer. So I stayed hushed on the subject, before seeing the error of my ways. Before I were enlightened to how silly and vain I was being.”

“And what, may I ask, enlightened you?”

Jimmy smiled. If he was trying to demonise Thomas, this would be the point that all of it would be crushed to dust. “A while back, there was a fair in Thirsk. I was…drunk, I made a bet with some men from the village, the men of Downton Abbey would beat them in a tug of war. We won…they were angry. So, they followed me as I drunkenly toddled on home. Three of them, they were in the midst of mugging me when Thomas happened across us. He threw himself into the middle and allowed me to run. I thought him maybe a little queer, a bit of a flowery thing before that. But I suppose all those kinds of thoughts get erased when a man allows three animals to beat him black and blue. He may have been just doing it to win back my friendship…I don’t know. But if my friendship really meant so much to him…well, I was most certainly enlightened to the importance of his.”

The room was quiet after the speech came an end and so was Robson. Jimmy could see the cogs whirring in his brain. He was struggling.

“Right.” Jimmy shot Thomas a quick look and Thomas honestly couldn’t have been more in love. Jimmy had just shifted the favour of not only the courtroom but the nation, directly over to Thomas. He had pulled a drowning man to the surface. To hell with it…Thomas knew now that Jimmy was his surface.

And Robson could find no lock to unpick. “Very well, I have no further questions, your honour.”

Jimmy watched him leave and Thomas pondered how wrong he was to be worried. “Mr Hopkins if you want, the floor is yours.”

Hopkins almost bounded to the stand.

“I shall make this quick your honour. Mr Kent, when did you first realise that something was more than awry between his Grace and your friend Mr Barrow.”

“When he…Mr Barrow came to dinner service limping. After he had told me of the hard past he had with the Duke…I suspected something to be wrong.”

“Hm…and when did Mr Barrow finally admit it to you?”

“Not until the…second to third day and only because I demanded him to show me his injuries.”

“And why did you not seek help straight away?”

“We were both afraid that the Duke would falsely out us, as he threatened.”

“Very good point. When you finally discovered the Duke and his assault of Mr Barrow, his Lordship the Earl of Grantham commented ‘Barrow was extremely distressed, tied face down and sobbing from the pain of the wounds to his back.’” He lowered the paper. “Was that what you remember also?”

“It is. Thomas is one of the strongest men I’ve ever met. To see him like that so…destroyed, so broken. I was truly disgusted by the Duke. What he did disgusts me. And the fact he still tries to take more…”

“I understand…when the Duke held a gun to Mr Barrow…” Andrew started and Jimmy stiffened. That moment wasn’t something he didn’t like to reflect upon. “Did he say anything?”

“He…he told Thomas he had ruined him. And that if he was going down into hell, he was going to take him with him.” The room murmured… that was it the last hit. But just for the fun of it Andrew carried it through.

“I see, I see. Why do you think he would say something like that? That he ruined him.”

“I think…I think maybe he was infatuated by him and when Mr Barrow couldn’t return those feelings…well a wounded pride can make a man do funny things.”

“Indeed, Mr Kent. And you jumped in-between the two yes? That is when you were shot?”

“Yes. But the, I guess a good way to drag him down would be to kill his only friend.”

“I guess so.” Andrew pirouetted back to the judge, smiling kindly. “No further questions.”

The judge for his part looked incredibly impressed. “Mr Hopkins, Mr Robson? Do either of you wish to call any witnesses?”

Robson, who looked as if he’d jump from the nearest bridge shook his head. “No, your honour.”

“Mr Hopkins.”

“I shouldn’t think so your honour!”

“Very well. I don’t see any need for deliberation I think my mind is made up. Baylis…if you could retrieve his Grace? Mr Kent, you may step down.”

/

“You were incredible!” Thomas breathed as Jimmy joined them back on their desk.

“You’re one to talk…you should take up acting professional like… almost had me believing you.” Thomas laughed but then Andrew spoke between them.

“Quiet down now chaps…here the dead man comes.”

The man was a mess, several scrapes over his face where the officers had restrained him and his thinning hair all wild and out of place. He was forced to the stand and the judge took a sip of water from his glass before he started.

“Philip Duke of Crowborough, the court has heard for the allegations against you. Those hereby consisting of: Buggery, Sexual Assault occasioning actual bodily harm, Assault, Grievous Bodily Harm, Bribery, Possession of a Firearm with intent to Kill, one count of Second Degree Attempted Murder and one count of First Degree Attempted Murder. To these offenses, the court finds you guilty of all charges.” There was a little commotion in the gallery, where their friend sat, all clutching each other in anticipation. Jimmy too smirked, oh this would be sweet. “Taking these charges into account and with evidence brought against you I have no choice but to sentence you to a Life Imprisonment with a minimum sentence of 25 years.”

Thomas covered his mouth. In 25 years…if the Duke was still alive he would be an old man. This of course for Thomas and for Jimmy was wonderful news. But he could help but think of the Duchess…that poor woman. Philip would lose his title and more than likely his money. But the blow to his reputation was a blow to hers. And she might never recover from it.

The Duke however, seemed not to have his wife on to mind. “NO! I refuse it! You cannot do this to me!”

“Baylis. Take his Grace down.”

The Duke screamed, he bellowed obscenities that were lost behind the cheers of the crowd. It took all that was in Jimmy not to kiss Thomas on the spot. Instead he beamed and shook Andrews hand when he offered it. Then he turned to Thomas who looked on the edge of tears.

At first Thomas bit his lip, held out a hand too. Jimmy took it…but only to pull him into a hug. Thomas giggled sagging against him, relief…sweet relief turning his bones to mush. He clapped Jimmy on the back as the judge spoke once more.

“Mr Barrow.”

Thomas pulled away from Jimmy. “Y-yes, your honour?”

The man beckoned him. “Approach the bench.”

Thomas inspected the other two men wearily, but he did as he was told sweeping into the middle of the room. After a moment, the judge spoke. “While you can rightly assume you and Mr Kent have been acquitted of all charges laid against you, unfortunately, you have both kept a dangerous man from being brought to justice and gave…albeit forced consent in the three counts of buggery. Therefore, I have no choice but to sentence you also.”

There was an uproar from the crowds. And Jimmy’s heart dropped to floor.

“No... he…that’s impossible.” Andrew whispered to himself. The judge pounded his gavel and gave the room a look, so stern it silenced them.

“For those crimes, Mr Thomas Barrow, I will sentence you…” he blinked and Thomas’ mouth went dry. “Three days imprisonment…a temporary holding cell should do. I will give you the rest of the day to gather your things… you will be escorted to the nearest cell available. First thing tomorrow morning. Do you understand?”

Thomas let out a laugh, tear stained and completely flabbergasted. “Yes… yes your honour.”

A ghost of a smile on his lips the judge gave one last hit of the gavel. “Case dismissed.”

Again…that room erupted. An explosion of celebration, shrieks of joy and people jumping to their feet. It was of course the story of the century. A Duke, they had won…against a man of one of the highest ranks. It was unthinkable and it gave so much power and hope to poor and downtrodden. Things may change.

 But none of that mattered now, because Jimmy was running at him, the epitome of pure sunshine and with a velocity that should have been impossible given his physical state. Thomas caught him in his arm…and the just…hugged. The hugged. Good and proper and nobody questioned it. For if a man couldn’t hug another in a time like this…then what was the world coming to?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou so so much for being patient with me, honestly I got so busy. But enough with that. Andrews says farewell, Thomas and Jimmy prepare for Thomas' short sentence and they get a call from Bloomsbury House.

Thomas was pulled into a crowd of his friends and colleuages as soon as he was allowed to leave the room. Never in his life had he felt surrounded by so much love. Maybe the world had finally decided that his suffering was enough…maybe all that hurt, all the agony and chill and lonely nights were done for him?

The only downside to the multitude of embraces, was the fact he and Jimmy were separated throughout. That was until…Andrew asked for a quiet word.

The others chattered nearby as Andrew took them to the side. “Well…it seems our time together has come to an end.”

Thomas felt a little tug of his heartstrings. Andrew Hopkins had become a pillar of strength in both of their lives and both men had become quite accustomed to having him around.

“Will…are we not to see you again?” Thomas murmured brows knitted together. Andrew chuckled merrily.

“I should hope not! There’s never a nice reason to see lawyer.” Jimmy and Thomas caught eyes and Andrew read the melancholy gaze. “His Lordship has my details. If you wish to see me outside the courtroom, that might be nice.”

Jimmy smirked. “Aye that would be dandy.”

“Speak of the devil…” Hopkins nodded his curly auburn head towards the oncoming Earl whom held out his hand for the lawyer.

“Mr Hopkins, I must say, I’m quite impressed with your performance and I’d like to personally thank you for service today. What you did for Thomas and James was extraordinary.”

Andrew shook the elder’s hand. “It was my pleasure your Lordship … I had quite a lot of fun today.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

The Earl stared at him with an odd expression worrying the lines of his face. “Fun you say?”

Andrew beamed. “Yes, I think so, when you take the danger out of the equation, the drama of it all is quite entertaining don’t you think?” he tilted his head toward the boys. “And of course, it feels quite gratifying to free two innocent men.”

The Earl looked dubious about the last statement. “Yes…well, James, Barrow, when you are finished I’d like to treat you both to lunch, you and the rest of our little party. Mr Hopkins, you are of course welcome to join us if you wish?”

Hopkin’s nodded. And Thomas spoke graciously, bowing his head in respect. “Thank you so much M’lord. You have been entirely too kind to us.”

Jimmy agreed. “I think so too M’lord, most men wouldn’t keep us on. Not with the trouble we caused.”

The Earl pondered that statement briefly. “But it wasn’t you who caused anything, was it? Not really. I’ll give you both ten minutes to breathe.”

They thanked him as he bowed away.

 Thomas spoke…breathless and out of the earshot of the Earl. “I still can’t believe I only got three days…”

“I find it not at all surprising…”

Jimmy frowned at Hopkin’s. “What’re you on… you know full well he’s committed Buggery before…”

“Well that’s all a matter of opinion. Buggery is defined as an act against nature…unnatural sexual acts that cause moral offence or harm. Would either of you define what goes on between you as such a wicked thing?” Thomas smiled and Jimmy chuckled. “Well there we go. You’re truly innocent.”

“But still…” Thomas shook his head. “What kind of judge would be so lenient in a case that were involving a Duke of all things?”

“Common ground.” Hopkins smirked, he eyes wondering absentmindedly to the sky. Thomas guffawed at the notion.

“What could he possibly have in common with two men like us?”

“He is…as I expect you both are, being men of service, quite good with his hands. There’s a start.” Jimmy’s eyes widened and Thomas’ fluttered comically, it made Andrew giggle. “He was my History of Law lecturer at University. What can I say, I’m attracted to intellect.”

“So what yer saying is we cheated the system?”

“No Mr Barrow, the system cheated itself.” Andrew sighed. “If the law wishes to confine us to secrecy and shame then it must expect thing like this. If me and your judge were allowed to make public our rendezvous then we would have never been put on the same case. But so, it goes the system…unsurprisingly and luckily is flawed.”

“We can’t thank yer enough…” Jimmy shook his head.

“I don’t want thank you. I want you…when the time comes…to stand up with the rest of us and to have the strength to do so. I want you to be an example that homosexual love is just as complicated and flawed and natural as the love between man and woman. I want you to be the proof that it can last.”

“Well…” Jimmy glanced fleetingly to Thomas. “I dunno about that…but we can try our best.”

“And that’s all I ask. Now! I’m ravenous. Let’s take his Lordship up on that offer!”

/

The Downton group invaded the nearest tea room, the Earl had bought sandwiches. Fruit, cakes and tea for the lot of them. They all chatted, hall boys and lady’s maids, butler and housemaids. Lords, ladies and scullery maids.

Jimmy and Thomas however took a quiet seat by the window, where the warm tea clouded the glass and Thomas drew tiny sketches along the pane.

“So…three days…” Jimmy murmured stirring sugar until it dissolved. “What will you do with yourself?”

Thomas shrugged. “If I can, take my sketchbook, draw a while and make it good for once.”

Jimmy tapped the spoon lightly on the edge of the cup to get rid of the access. “They’re always good… you just happen t’be daftly self-critical.”

Thomas shyly turned his eyes down, lashes dark against pale skin. “I’ll miss you…” he admitted to his untouched sandwich.

Jimmy’s eyes found him again and an impish smile appeared on his lips. “What’ve I said about you and your sappiness.”

Thomas shrugged, sheepish as he stirred his tea. “Sorry.”

There was a comfortable silence before Jimmy spoke again. “I’ll miss you too…” he mumbled. Thomas moved his eyes back up to him.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Quite a bit I’d wager, three days or not.”

Thomas raised his teacup. “You know, if I could kiss you right now I would.”

“Maybe we should refrain, given the current situation and all.”

Thomas laughed. “Maybe, yeah…

/

The atmosphere at Downton was so different for them that evening. With the servants still milling about and doing their jobs but Thomas and Jimmy given time to simply relax.

People would come through, casually patting their shoulders or shooting them encouraging smiles. It was so strange to Thomas.

By the time dinner had finished the lot were sat around playing cards, Jimmy tinkling on the piano, something jolly and Carson had come back into the room with a rather smug expression on his face. “James? Barrow? A call for you. From a Mr Leonard Woolf.”

There was a titillating pause and then the two scrambled up Thomas winning the race to the phone with Jimmy slowed by his injury.

He made him sit as he answered the call.

“Hello, Mr Woolf?”

A thick upper-class accent filtered through the receiver. “Good evening…is this Mr Barrow or Mr Kent?”

“Mr Barrow, sir. Mr Kent is in the room too.”

“Ahh, good. Very sorry for the lateness of our reply, it is quite hard to get all of us together, I hope you don’t mind?”

“Not at all, sir.”

“My you are used to servitude.” He chuckled. “Call me Leonard, I can’t do with Sir.”

“As you wish.”

“Your accent is quite pleasant, I know Virginia would love it. Which brings me to my point. We would like to invite you and Mr Kent to dine with us and some of our members next Friday night. I understand you will be free by then. We would love to see and hear more about your works. They are both sets, quite spectacular.

“Lord…thank you.”

“Not at all. I trust this is your acceptance?”

Thomas gave a soft laugh and shot Jimmy an astonished gaze. “Yes, of course we’d love to.”

“We shall see you then.”

“Yes…good evening.”

“Good evening to you, Thomas, was it?”

“Yes. Thomas.”

“Good evening Thomas.”

Thomas put down the phone and was stunned into silence. He gripped the edge of the desk as if he would collapse.

“Good god Thomas! What did he say?!” Jimmy finally blurted.

“We…he…” he swallowed. “They want us to dine with em. Next Friday night. He…he likes my voice, our accents, he feels Mrs Woolf might like us.” He stumbled over to Jimmy and cradled his face. “Jimmy, they wanna talk about our stuff.”

Jimmy beamed ear to ear, the smile lifting and illuminating his face. “Well…you do have a nice voice.”

Thomas laughed and kissed him, because bugger getting caught.

/

There was a short celebration with their co-workers, they allowed themselves a glass of wine but very soon the two were ready for sleep.

They bid goodnight and thanked the room before Thomas helped Jimmy to his room. He left him there to get changed while he returned to his own room to retrieve his own bed clothes. As he returned however he found Jimmy stood, leaning against the wall, and staring into the night sky. A map of stars lain endlessly before him, before them… through the glass.

Then he turned, naked as the day he was born and whispered a soft. “You okay…you look hot?”

He managed to close the door and wedge the wood underneath before he breathlessly dropped to his knees.

“Thomas?!” Jimmy whispered. “What…”

But Thomas was crawling toward Jimmy, then he straightened up and pressed his forehead into his tummy, just above the near healed wound. And Jimmy was confounded by him, but let his hands slide into the raven hair and break it free from the pomade.

“Mm that’s better, I like you less formal.”

Thomas looked up at him, eyes shining like silver. “I like you like this.”

“Naked?”

“And all mine.”

Jimmy’s eyes seemed the shake like two puddles. “Take off your clothes. Come to bed.”

Thomas did as he was told he stripped as Jimmy settled down on the pillows. He pulled off his shirt, pulled down his trousers and made for the bed.

“Wait…” Jimmy whispered. Thomas halted for him, hovering by the bed uneasy. “Take of the glove…”

A smile grew on Thomas’ face. He unlaced the glove and pulled it off. Jimmy opened his arms and Thomas crawled into them. He kissed Jimmy, with a complete and all-consuming devotion. Jimmy took in a shaky breath at it. The emotion behind it was breath-taking.

“Thomas…”

“I love you…”

“I know. I know I love you as well. Lie back.” Thomas did as was told. And he rolled onto his back, staring up at Jimmy…the brightest star in the sky.

Jimmy rolled on top his hands soothing his cheeks. He pressed delicate kisses to his mouth, his chin, his cheeks. And he reached back, gripping Thomas and stroking him, his hand fast, eyes steady, blown dark. “Let me sit on it…”

Thomas closed his eyes. Trying desperately to contain himself. “Yeah…y-yeah. Oh lord above Jimmy…I’m yours, do what you want.”

“You might regret saying that one day.” Stoke, stroke, stroke.

“Uuugh…fuck how could I ever…” Thomas panicked just a little when Jimmy gripped him and lifted his hips. “W-wait. Fuck I need t’stretch y- “

Jimmy placed a finger over his pout. “Feel.” He pressed the tip there, thumb running over the underside of the head. He was open…something slippery was lubricating him.

“When did you…” “I got the horn…waiting for you. I needed you so bad Thomas.” The underbutler imagined it, Jimmy all spread out in this bed and pushing those nimble fingers into himself, the anticipation making him tremble where he lay. “You think I aint never done it before?”  Jimmy asked him with a quirked brow.

“Good fucking god.” Thomas’s eyes rolled back and Jimmy took his cue and let the head stretch him further. He gasped and quickly entwined their fingers.

And Thomas panted under him, his whole body bowing for Jimmy. When they could finally fit no more he just sat, resting in Thomas’ lap.

Thomas watched him through lidded eyes. Watched it all pass over his face, his curls fall into those pretty eyes. He watched him be celestial. He was heaven sent.

And when he started to roll his ass experimentally. Thomas thought he would die. From it all. From happiness. From love. Was it even possible to feel like this and be living?

But then again. He had never felt more aware that he was living, everything pulsing and tingling and tender to the touch. He cradled Jimmy’s hips and fucked up into him sharply. Jimmy for his part, holding himself open and letting it happen. “Oh lord…shit don’t stop that…”

His thighs trembled as Thomas fucked into him and his lips were parted in some sort of silent scream. His own cock bouncing hard and untouched between his legs.

They were embarrassingly near already, if they could bring themselves to embarrassed about it. And when Thomas shifted his hips, he hit just the right spot. Jimmy fell forward like an angel tossed from heaven, having to bite the elder’s shoulder to muffle his scream of ecstasy. The underbutler was making soft whiny little noises as he neared his climax and suddenly…Jimmy was gone. He came hard, so fucking hard and completely untouched. His cock twitching white ropes over Thomas’ abdomen.

And Thomas was clamped down upon, the sight before him, so stunning he could help but break too. Cum flooded Jimmy and Jimmy blushed beet red when he thought how good it felt…to have Thomas split inside him.

For some reason, the underbutler was babbling apologies to Jimmy as he rested in the crook of neck. Jimmy shushed him and pulled him up into a kiss. “It’s okay love…deep breaths.”

Thomas did. He took long deep breaths and wrapped Jimmy in his entire body. He didn’t let go till morning.

/

_Breathe my angel, breathe me in, take me with you before our life begins. Three short days, our lives are our own, three more days and you’ll never be alone._

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long AGAIN! Lord knows I get too busy sometimes. Thank you beautiful kind souls for not kicking my ass. I think there will be a few more chapters. One with the rest of the sentence and the reunion. One a couple days later with the Bloomsbury meeting. Maybe another between that and the next. Then a final one and an epilogue. But for this one!   
> Thomas starts his sentence and the two find ways of coping with the absence of the other. Smut be ahead.

There was a soft thud and a string of hissed curse words. Jimmy’s eyes opened to Thomas half dressed, clutching his toe and hoping around the dimly illuminated room.

“You and that bed post will never get on…” he whispered to the dark-haired man. Thomas lowered his foot and smiled, quite adoring at Jimmy.

“I’m sorry…I woke you up.”

Jimmy leaned up, twinging a little in his abdomen, but that was always how it went in the mornings. He rested on one elbow and tugged Thomas closer by his pants. Almost a mirror of the night before, he pressed his forehead to Thomas tummy. He just rested there, eyes closed as Thomas ruffled his hair.

“You alright, sweetheart?” he whispered. Jimmy just shook his head. “It’s alright. It’s just three days.”

“It feels like were always being pushed apart. It don’t half put me on edge when you’re outta my sight.”

“Hmm well I’m a big boy…I can look after myself, promise.”

“Hmm you are big.”

Thomas snickered. “You’re not so small and defenceless either…”

Instead of coming back with something else, Jimmy just lifted his head eyes open as they gazed up at him. “Not so long ago I woulda hit you for that remark…but then again I weren’t a very nice or very happy person back then were I?”

“You were always nice…underneath all the fear and the sadness.” Thomas crouched by the bed and let his thumb run over his cheekbone.

“Mm…and you were always braver and cleverer than I were…that’s how I know you’ll be alright on yer own.” He struggled to his knees and pulled Thomas down for a gentle kiss.

/

They were lazy together for a while. But it came time for Thomas to get ready. As he packed Jimmy watched him. It turned out he would be allowed his sketch book. Because he would merely be in a holding cell, a sketch book and a pencil were acceptable. And the orders the judge had given to the arresting officers had been very lenient. He would hardly be treated as prisoner more as a bit of a nuisance.

“Will you think of me…” Jimmy whispered as he pulled on his shoes. “While you’re in there?”

Thomas looked to him, quizzical. “Of course I will.”

Jimmy stood and wrapped his arms around the elder’s trim waist. “How will you think of me…” his tone dropped an octave. “I’ll be thinking of you here…strong ‘n’ sweat covered, ploughing into me. I’ll think of you tonight…” he leant up, whispered in his ear, drawing goose bumps. “With my fingers inside and a hand on my prick.”

“Jimmy…” Thomas groaned, a shiver wracking his bones. “God yes…”

“Yeah?” he pressed kisses to his jaw. “I want you to do it...t’night. I want yer to touch yerself…”

“Okay…yeah.”

“Good…now let’s get you down there. Some of em will wanna see you off.”

Thomas nodded a little dazed and kissed Jimmy’s knuckles, before he lifted his little valise beckoned his love along.

/

Thomas as it turned out, had time for a cup of tea and some toast before he left, though he wasn’t particularly hungry, Jimmy had pushed it toward him with a look of determination in his eyes. So, of course, he humoured him.

The police came downstairs in tow of the Earl. “Thomas…I’m sorry chap it’s time to leave.”

Jimmy felt a sinking feeling. It was silly and he was being so frustratingly weak. But he couldn’t help but feel sad for the three days Thomas would be confined and kept away from him. _My rock under storm tossed sea, it’s why I see him so often in my dreams. Its why I cling to him._ Thomas was his rock through this whole ordeal. Even when most of the ordeal happened to him.

He’d have to stand on his own for a few days. He had forgot when standing without Thomas had become harder than standing with him.

But right now, they stood together. A united force and Bates, Anna, Mrs Hughes and Carson waited off to the side. Thomas turned to them, sincerity buried gut deep in his eyes. “Look after him for me…he still isn’t quite there. You need to make sure he don’t push himself.”

They smiled, they nodded and Anna spoke. “We’ll make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”

“You all treat me like such a child.” Jimmy groaned. Thomas chuckled. And patted clapped his shoulder. “Well you’re the youngest in this room.”

“Barley. By a month or so.”

Thomas smiled and let himself gaze at Jimmy. Just for a moment. But in that moment the pout melted away and they had an entire plethora of silent conversations.

_I love you so much sweetheart._

_I love you too._

A twitch of a smile. One in return.

_I’ll be okay._

_I know._

A lingering hand. An answering hand pat.

_You’re mine._

_I’m yours._

“I’ll see you in three days”

_Three days and I’ll be all yours._

“Three days.”

_It couldn’t come soon enough._

Thomas finally let go, picked up his valise and went quietly with officers, Jimmy watching him vanish into the hallway.

The slam of the door was like another gunshot. Only this time the pain was purely emotional.

The Earl neared him, clapped his shoulder and it felt all wrong. His hand was too rough, to clumsy to be Thomas. “It’ll be over soon James. And he’s a strong like you said.”

He nodded with a kind smile. “He’s a grown man M’lord. I’m sure he is” he took a deep breath. “Is there anything I could do today? That wouldn’t require a lot of movement?”

Bates spoke up. “I’m not sure that’s wise James. With your injury still bothering you.”

Jimmy turned his eyes to Carson, an almost desperation there. “Please…anything will do.”

Mrs Hughes moved her eyes up to the old man too. “Didn’t you tell me the clocks needed attention Mr Carson?” she asked him.

“Oh…well yes. I suppose. Mr Barrow has shown you the ropes before, hasn’t he?”

Jimmy was thrown by that. He remembered that day, how different they were. “Yeah he…he did.”

“Very well. You may tend to the clocks.”

/

Jimmy didn’t expect to be so vexed by a clock. The very one Thomas had shown him the first time. It was like he could feel him there. The warmth of his body, cool gusts of his breath on the back of his neck that engulfed him in quivers. As he wound the clock he could almost feel the underbutler’s fingers over his. His voice low in his ear.

_“Let it breathe.”_

It must be love…Thomas had him hearing voices and feeling phantom fingers. And he had him all hot and bothered without even being present to do anything about it.

/

_White hot and scorching, making love to liquid gold. A trophy, a carving and an open book, a million stories untold. In freckles and scars and little marks, littering a canvas of skin, and some that wait just under the surface as stories that have yet to begin._

_Nail marks that’ll adorn your back, my lips paint bruised on your jaw. As we groan with the mattress and the creak of the bed, as we peak at the break of the dawn_

Jimmy threw down his pen in frustration, his cock straining his trousers. He wondered what Thomas was doing right now, if he was sketching him on a crisp page. If the led glided as he etched the curve of his ass…and did it get him hot under the collar when he thought of him?

Jimmy himself found his mind wandering to it, Thomas, long and broad, lay out all pristine underneath him, looking so delicate for a man who could burn you so harshly. Jimmy’s hands moved down, he pushed his night pants down just enough so his cock was free.

Then griped it. He let out a dark, low moan. He imagined Thomas in his cell. He imagined him all lay out, face crumpled and sighing Jimmy’s name.

Jimmy stoked himself steady, licking his lip. “Thomas…” he slinked off his chair and onto the floor, bending over his bed and sucking, filthily on his fingers. “Thomas!” he reached back, spread his legs wide and rubbed over his pucker soft, making it nice and slippy as he pushed his finger inside. “Hah!” he whined and pressed his forehead pressed to this sheet. “Uhn. Thomas…Thomas, fuck.”

He whimpers, pressing his cheek to bed. This was absolutely depraved and he knew it, but the idea that Thomas was lay out somewhere just as needy and desperate for it as he was enough to kill the pain as he slipped the second finger in.

“Ahh!” he whined. “Fuck me…fuck me Thomas. Lord I need you.”

/

In the tininess of his cell, he had to be near silent. His sketch book abandoned on the floor as he stroked himself urgently. For some reason, it was like Jimmy was here with him. In this tiny room. He could almost feel him gliding up and down on his cock and when he closed his eyes he saw him, those perfect curves, trim waist, those gorgeous eyes that that seemed to outshine the sun. He saw that beautiful bronzed creature, fling back his head and cum, with his fingers tangled in those perfect curls.

“Fuck…fuck. Jimmy!” he breathed as the coil was pulled tight and snapped. He came so hard…so hard it left him trembling on his cot, fist stuffed into his mouth. And he panted into an empty room. “Jimmy…”

/

“Thomas…” Jimmy quivered, face buried in his sheets. A mess over his hand and covering the floor. He finally pulled his finger out…nice and slow, cheeks flushed and he closed his eyes. “Lord…come back to me love. God, I need you.”

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait! Ughhh! SO busy! Thomas discovers something about his past, Jimmy is miserable until a young, vivacious singer shows up and the singer tells Jimmy of her interesting past with Thomas.

“Barrow.” Thomas opened his eyes as an officer walked in, the hinges of his cell screeching as it opened. He was an older man, a kind looking face. He looked far too pleasant to be a police officer. He carried with him a simple plate of food some bread, some cold cuts and an apple. He handed Thomas the tray as the man sat himself up. “I’m officer Samuel Rye. I’ll be on duty today. How’re yer doing?”

Thomas turned his eyes up to him. “Um, I’m alright.” He set the tray aside on the thin mattress. “Smells like piss in here.”

The man chuckled. “Aye it does. Not much we can do about it though. Fascinating story yours. Yer a legend round here now. You and that…James, were it? The men who destroyed a Duke.”

“I’m sure he’d have destroyed himself some other way if it weren’t through us.”

“Still…it’s amazing aint it? Gives some of the working-class lads round here a bit of hope. That sometimes right and wrong comes above money and power. Besides the things that happened to you…aint no one can complain when a guy like you if still walking round with his head held high.”

“Why shouldn’t I? I never did anything wrong.”

“Right you are lad!” Thomas knew the man would probably change his tune if he found out the whole time he had been buggering Jimmy senseless. But he decided that playing nice was the best way to get through these last two days. “You know you reminded me of this girl I once saw…”

“Thank you?”

“No, no not like that!” he waved him off. “She were an entertainer.” Thomas raised his brow lifting his teacup. “A singer!” Rye promised. “Ey, I’m happily married. She had your eyes though, she looked very much like you. Think her name was Ella or...”

There was a shattering and then a silence as Thomas dropped his cup to the floor.

“Say are you alright?” Rye asked, clearly astonished. Thomas’ eyes were wide, his skin pale. He nodded and apologised repeatedly as he dropped to knees to gather the remnants.

“Oi, don’t bother with that, you’ll cut yourself. I’ll get a broom lad, you wait ‘ere.”

Thomas stayed on his knees on that floor, long after Rye had left, his mind racing: _Ella, Ella…she’s okay. She’s…she’s okay?_

/

“James… are you sure you’re”

“Yes, Mr Carson. I’m alright to serve tonight. Honestly…I feel much better and besides, you need the staff what with Miss Rose visiting and bringing all them musicians.”

“Well…very well. But I suggest you forgo any heavy lifting and you are to rest until tonight. Is that clear?”

Jimmy nodded. “That’s all fine by me.” Jimmy murmured his as the door clattered in the hall way and a bustle began.

“Good god here they are…” Carson groaned, he looked positively worn out already and moved to the door way. “Yes, yes! This way please and if you can keep it down. You are supposed to be a surprise.”

The band hurried in dragging their instruments and cases with them and Jimmy swivelled in his chair to watch curiously. Many of them, he noted, were black. Not that it mattered to Jimmy, but it was quite unusual in big house like this. Some of them nodded to him, a curiosity frolicking amongst their faces. He knew at that point they may recognise him. And it made him shift in his seat, uncomfortable and turn away. However, he couldn’t keep his eyes averted for long.

There was a click of heels down the hall that ended abruptly. “Well hello…who’s this handsome chap.”

Jimmy frowned and turned his head. It was a woman. Very pretty she was too, with pale skin and pitch-black hair in curls that was rolled up into a low bun. Her eyes…her eyes were so blue, her lips so full. And she wore a midnight blue day dress.

She was Jimmy’s type down to a tee.

An air of recognition swept her expression, something simmered there for a second and her eyes bore into Jimmy as if she were gluing shattered fragments of her universe together like a vase. “Ahh, so you’re the famous James Kent hmm?” She pulled off her gloves finger by finger. “I was worried if I were ever to meet you by chance you wouldn’t be quite as pretty in real life. But it seems all that worrying were for naught.”

Jimmy blinked quickly, it was a strange feeling for him. Back in the day he would be in his element. But her flirty advances…as beautiful as she was, did nothing to him. And wow. It must truly be love…Thomas had ruined him for all others. “Oh, uh thank you. You must be the singer? I’m sorry I’d get up but… Mr Carson he ordered me to rest.”

“Oh, not at all.” She smiled. That smile…he couldn’t place it. She took a seat next to him. “My name is Ella by the way. Ella Hill, how d’ya do?” She held out a dainty hand and Jimmy shook it.

“Say you haven’t got a cigarette, have you?” her voice lowered. “I’ve got a hankering.”

Jimmy eyed her bemused but produced her one. He lit it for her and she took a drag, her eyes seeming to cloud over. God, it was so familiar.

“So…where is your Thomas.”

“He isn’t my Thomas. And if you know me, you’ll know where he is.”

“Don’t be snotty darling. I know you’re gay as New Year’s Day, I don’t care.” She flicked the ash from her cigarette and Jimmy, quite startled by her brashness whipped his head around. “They can’t hear.” She laughed. Indeed, the band were in the kitchen still happily chatting.

“You…you don’t care?”

“Why should I? Honey I’ve met dozens of gay men, most…most are upper class and I tell you, for a woman, a gay man is a place of respite. Someone you can talk to and be close with and not have to worry about unwanted advances.”

“I’m not…that.”

“I’m sure you’re not…”

“No, I…” his brow furrowed. “I mean it. Its just him, it’s just…”

“Thomas?”

Jimmy looked up at her and nodded. “Yeah…”

“He’s handsome, always was.”

Jimmy scowled, straightening up. “You know ‘im?” he asked sharply.

She chuckled. “Mm…yeah as it happens I do. Knew him since we was young.”

“He never mentioned you.”

“Yes, well if I know Thomas, he wouldn’t. He had a real difficult childhood and his mother died young. His father were quite cruel to him. When it comes to things that make Thomas cry, he’ll avoid them at all costs. He couldn’t even go to his mother’s funeral. I think he felt badly for it. That’s why he never talks of his childhood.”

Jimmy hummed thoughtfully throwing and catching and apple in his palm.  “That’s…that’s sad I didn’t know. Were you friends?”

She had a wolfish glint in her eye. “I’d say we were the best of friends. But that all ended in tragedy for him too. He ran away. Went into service before I was able to see him again. But it seems his life has been just as much of a moving flick as it always were.”

“Yeah…lord. He must have been really cut up about it. How old were he when she…she died?”

“Just twelve. And he adored her too, it was awful.”

Jimmy’s heart wrenched when he thought of little Thomas, a mop of obsidian hair and big blue eyes watching his mum be taken away in box. It reinforced something for Jimmy. When Thomas was free, he would shower him in the love he was always deprived of, when he was free he would take care of him.

He would that man like nobody had every loved another.

“Will you be up for the show tonight sweet one? You look like you need a bit a fun.”

“I’ll be serving yeah…”

Ella stood and pushed under her chair. “Well then I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah…” then just as she reached to exit, Jimmy called here. “Ella?” she turned back to him with a raised brow.

“Yes?”

“You look like him… like Thomas.”

She laughed. “Yeah… they used to call us the twins.”

/

_How pretty she is, with those eyes so blue. Such a doppelganger, she’s the double of you. But love opens and then closes a door. I ‘m yet to be entranced for darling I’m yours._

/

Jimmy could sense Rose as she shifted from side to side. Jimmy did his best not to chuckle, she was a sweet girl. If it were a different world, Jimmy thought she’d be the type of girl he would marry. That being if he never met Thomas on his alternate path.

And happily, Jimmy was doing okay, if not aching a bit. The others around table didn’t mention the recent events, not until the very end.

“James, Carson tells us that Thomas will be released in the early morning! I would bet you’re excited!” Cora beamed at him as she put down her glass.

A slight flush coloured Jimmy’s cheeks. “I’m think I’ll be glad for the end of it M’lady.”

“I bet you will, you poor things.”

“Edith tells us you will both be visiting the Bloomsbury group this weekend.” Mary added.

“Y-Yes M’lady, they’ve taken an interest in our…creative works.”

“Well it looks like we have two geniuses in our midst.” The eldest Crawley sister smiled at him and Jimmy turned his eyes downward.

“Thank you M’lady…but I wouldn’t say that, Thomas… Mr Barrow that is, is much more talented than I am.”

Edith shook her head. “Well I think you are much to humble James.  I think your work speaks to what we as the English upper-class tend to gloss over in literature, which is the heart. Real true emotion.”

Branson piped up. “I think these creative types aren’t nearly appreciated enough. I mean who doesn’t need to escape from one’s own world now and then.”

“Is your world really so dower?” Violet cut in.

“It has been…” for a moment there was quiet. And Jimmy knew they were all thinking of the lost sister. Sybil, whenever Thomas had talked of her seemed like such a ray of light. He felt a strange sense of admiration for Branson. The mere idea of being without Thomas could render Jimmy to a quivering mess.

But to actual loose the person you love… “Anyway…I say good on the both of yer. You both took a chance. If anything, nobody here can deny your bravery.”

“Let us raise our glasses.” the Earl called to the table. “To bravery. And win or lose, to battles fought.”

They table raised their glasses, glimmering in the dull light. Jimmy was still so astonished that such opulence was being presented for him.

Then all took a sip. And then Rose, after downing the little wine she had remaining, stood. “Well! Since we’re celebrating! I have a surprise for everyone.” Her dark eyes sparkled like that crystal and her curls bobbed by her cheeks as she rocked excitedly on her heel. “Ladies, gentleman, if you will follow me!”

Jimmy moved to the door and opened it for her. The aristocrats filed out, the Dowager, muttering something Isobel Crawley. When they were met by a by a beautiful woman, a band of black men and rows of chairs, it sufficed to say they were quite shocked. The Earl however, quickly recovered and led his wife down to the fronts row.

Jimmy finally had a chance to look as the music started. She had her hair all curled tight, red lips and a black, dress that was drowned in beading that caught the light. She glowed on that stage. God did she make him miss Thomas.

She even held herself similarly. Just like Thomas there was elegance and grace and strength just rolling off her and into the room, demanding attention.

And as she started to sing, it was low and sultry, it reminded Jimmy of the way Thomas spoke to him at night, before they fell asleep. The way he whispered to him, racy things before they made love.

But there was a difference as she sauntered through the crowd and working the room. Thomas did it all for him. Just Jimmy. Jimmy was the only one. He was quite convinced that Ella would never lay her life on the line for him the way Thomas had. She was having far too much fun living hers for herself.

As the slower, sultry song came to an end and several of the men in the room had bruised on their biceps from the ladies, a faster song started up. And Ella pulled Branson into a dance. Jimmy’s eyes were on them but his mind was elsewhere.

/

Downstairs, Jimmy smoked on his own feeling an emptiness next to him and a chill that drew goose bumps to his arms despite a warm billow of smoke.

“Room for a little one?” came a voice.

Jimmy turned to Ella and nodded. He she produced a cigarette and before she could even open her mouth to ask, Jimmy dished out a box of matches and struck it, lighting it for her. She chuckled. “I like you.”

“You don’t know me…”

“If Thomas loves you I know enough. He was never one that were quick to romance.” Jimmy hummed and took a drag, letting it tumble from his lips, let it singe his lungs.

“What were he like? When he were young? I mean, was he always so…”

“Stiff? Stubborn? Self-destructive? Frustrating?”

Jimmy laughed. “I were gonna say selfless. But sure.”

Ella smirked and turned to him, arm across her middle. “When he were younger he was…quiet. Always on his lonesome, he were very thoughtful, very hardworking and very sweet. His father hated him for it. Said he were a pansy…that he needed to man up and he were too sensitive. I guess that’s where the stiffness came in, the pride. His father took a lot out of him. Even silly things, Thomas used t’sing.”

Jimmy chuckled. “Yer messing with me…”

She shook her curly head. “Not a word of a lie. He had a beautiful voice, sort of voice that could break you down and then revive you in the next phrase.”

“Bloody hell…”

“Mm. You should ask him to sing you a ditty or two when he returns.”

“I dunno…he don’t seem one for being in the centre of attention. The past month nearly killed him.”

“You’d be surprised…a little bit of encouragement goes a long way with Thomas.” She patted his cheek. “I’m off to sleep sweet boy.”

“Will you…will you be here in the morning?” he asked softly, feeling quite attached to Ella already. She smiled to herself.

“I might stick around for the return on the prodigal son…yeah. I’ll be there tomorrow. Oh! That reminds me, Mrs Hughes, she asked me to give you this.” She produced an envelope from her coat pocket. A tiny thing that had Jimmy’s name scrawled on the front in Thomas’ handwriting.

Jimmy’s heart jumped in his chest and Ella laughed when his eyes grew to the size of saucers. “I’ll leave you alone with it. G’night James.”

“G’night.” He whispered, not looking up as he opened the letter and unfolded the paper with a rustle.

Three words in and he was already enamoured.

_My beautiful boy,_

_I’m coming home. And by home, I mean I’m coming back to you. These three days if anything have proved to me how empty my world is without you. I tried to draw…I did. But nothing seems beautiful without you there. And who wants boring, who wants every day when there’s you._

_I’ve so much to tell you…you’d think three days in a holding cell the drama would be at a minimum. But then again…this is me._

_I love you. But the you know that._

_I will see you soon. And our future can begin. Me and you yeah?_

_Sweet Dreams Tonight,_

_Your Thomas._


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've no idea how good this is. Ughhh. Sorry for the lateness sweet angels, I've been ill. But here it is, shitty or not. Thomas returns in the middle of the night and he reunites with Ella who shatters the world as he knew it.

Jimmy thought he was imagining it at the start, and very familiar it had felt when he was pulled from his bed by the tinkling sound of a piano. Very surreal too, as if he were in someone else’s body. The melody was clunky, less practiced hands across the keys. A broken rendition of Fur Elise.

It could have only been him. But Jimmy didn’t cease to wonder about him.

“Yer back…”

Thomas’ body didn’t tense as one would expect it to, he drooped instead, as if half of his weight had been shifted to Jimmy from his voice alone.

Thomas stood without a word from the bench, crossed the room in five long strides and plummeted into Jimmy’s waiting arms.

“Lord I missed you…” he breathed. Jimmy melted into his shoulder, eyes closed and breathing in the familiar scent. At this point it was mixed with something stale and that didn’t belong to Thomas, but Jimmy would fix that with time. “Did yer miss me?”

“You ask such daft questions sometimes.”

“That isn’t an ans- “

“Course I did, you great buffoon.” He shoved him backwards lightly, then, after searching the area for any colleuages, he pulled him down into a hard kiss by his cheeks, knocking the other man breathless. He pushed him back against the wall by the bells and Thomas couldn’t help but chuckle against his lips. “Someone has their strength back.”

“Come ter bed with me.”

I was more a demand than a question, but Thomas would be a fool not to oblige.

 

/

They lay together in heap, heaving chests and beads of sweat and it had been intense to say the least. Jimmy held Thomas to his chest, kissing his temple and shielding him from the world.

“You aint allowed to leave me again. You hear?”

“Is that a request or an order?”

“Does it matter? You’ll agree to most things I want if were ter make me smile.”

“That’s a true thing to be sure…”

“I don’t want ‘em to see yer.” Thomas tilted his head up as Jimmy said it. “I don’t want t’share you again…” There was such misery in his expression it hurt Thomas somewhere deep.

“What’re you on about, I’m all yours.”

“You are here, in this room, or in mine…but when we leave here you’ll be Thomas the lone wolf and you belong to yer employers and the higher ups...”

Thomas leaned up, palms pressed to the mattress and looked down on Jimmy with a sort of queer bemusement. “I don’t need to be penetrating you to belong to you sweetheart. Belonging isn’t about what is said or done, it’s a mutual and unspoken feeling. If you were here and I were in Timbuktu working for a king, I’d still belong to you. His Lordship and his old butler would get a knife to the back the second you asked for it. They will never truly have me while you live. So, stop worrying. Everything I’ve done for the past two and a half years had been for you.”

 

Jimmy rested on it for a moment, hands caressing the other’s biceps where they bracketed him. “That makes a good line that; ‘If you were here or in Timbuktu, no matter the mile I’d belong to you.’ Hm, I’ll play with that one.”

“Thief.”

“You’re rollin’ around with a writer, it’s in my nature to steal.”

“Hearts too.”

“Aye, but the difference being, I kept yours.”

“Why?”

“Some things you can’t put a price on. What would you give to have yer Mum back?”

Thomas buried his face back into his neck. “Anything. Aside from you or…”

Jimmy tilted his head. “Or what?”

But Thomas shook his head. Jimmy was right that had to cling to these moments. Who knew if they had but one or one million left? “I’ll tell yer soon…”

“You can’t just…” It was that moment that Thomas learned the best way of keeping Jimmy quiet was to kiss him till he forgot how words worked all together.

/

Thomas was the first to rise in the morning. He had almost too much sleep in that cell, there wasn’t much else for him to do.

He rose before the sun and slunk downstairs. It felt nice to be alone a yet know Jimmy was within a reachable distance, when he filled the kettle for the tea, it was his comforting thought, his boy still tangled in his sheets upstairs.

There was a click of heeled shoes and he didn’t even turn around. “Morning Mrs Patmore. I’ll be out of your way in a- “

As he turned he was stunned, paralysed on the spot. The woman staring back at him didn’t flinch, merely angled her head to the side as she considered him.

“Lord you got old.” Ella chuckled. “You’re lucky we was pretty like Mum.”

Thomas shook his head. “No…” he laughed. “No… I just…” he smoothed his hair back. “That cell must have got me all loopy. He’s wrong you…you’re not you…you’re not…”

“Thomas...” As she made for him he flinched back knocking a copper pan and sending it clattering to the floor. She cringed. “Just listen to me I’m-“

“You’re dead…what you are is dead and I’m going loopy and I have to leave before I scare Jimmy off or mess with his head because I’m-“

“For god sake get a hold of yourself!” she hissed grabbing him by the shoulders. He froze in his spot and that was when Jimmy entered, brow furrowed and eyes still clouded by fatigue

“Jesus Thomas, what the hell is…” then he spotted Ella who turned to him slowly. “Oh shite! I forgot to warn you about her!” he covered his face with his hands. “I’m a dunce I’m so sorry.”

Thomas turned to him dazed, head bobbling like it was barely being held up by his neck. “You see her?”

“What’re you on about? Course I can see her , she’s Ella aint she?  She knew you when you were a littlen right?” his eyes flickered between the two of them. Thomas stoic and faint looking and something more behind Ella’s eyes that made Jimmy conclude he was missing something here. He decided to bypass her in favour of Thomas and he approached him carefully.

“Maybe yer should sit…yer looking pale. More than normal, I mean.”

Thomas nodded and blindly let Jimmy guide him from the kitchen to the dining area. He took a seat and Jimmy one next to him. The younger shook his shoulder gently. “Oi...come back to me yeah? What’s wrong?”

Thomas had a furrowed brow, he shook his head, face twisted up painfully. “She’s dead…she’s supposed to be dead.”

“Who is? What’re you talking about Thomas, c’mon, get it together.” One hand came up to the elder’s cheek. It soothed Thomas. He closed his eyes.

“You remember I told yer…my mother died when I was little, her and little sister, hit and trampled by a wagon.”

“Yeah, course I remember…”

“Oh come on now Thomas, I’m only younger by eleven minutes.”

Jimmy turned to her slowly and she saw it all come together behind his eyes, that snapped back to Thomas.

“No…no you…she was hit, you saw her dead. How…”

Thomas shook his head. “I-I..I dunno she…I don’t know what…” his voice was barely audible. Jimmy realised he was just as nonplussed and he was.

“Okay…Okay…” he shushed him when his arms began to tremble and placed his palms over the underbutler’s whitening knuckles. He took a deep breath and his eyes travelled to Ella, who was watching them in a sort of melancholic curiosity. “I think some sorta explanation would be appreciated here.”

She nodded and came forward. “Yes…but not here. Lets get out this house, lord knows he looks like he could do with the air.”

/

Jimmy felt his head spinning just looking at the two of them. A carbon copy of Thomas she was. In a female body.

There were differences. Her face was rounder, her body was curvier, her eyes had just a hint of green in some lights. Not the grey blue of Thomas’s eyes.

But god were they similar.

“This is so strange…” Jimmy murmured from where he perched in the storage shed.

“Not half.” The twins chorused. Two pairs of eyes met and Jimmy almost felt as if he were intruding on a special moment. Two halves of a whole coming together.

“Should I go? If yer both need a second or two…”

Thomas shook his head swiftly and held out a hand, Jimmy took it after a moment. “No…but you could light me a cig.”

Jimmy chuckled and produce three, he handed them out and lit them one by one. First Thomas, then Ella , then himself. They supped a first drag together. Perhaps, Jimmy remarked to himself. They were three parts of a whole.

“You have a lot of questions.” Ella presumed. Thomas gave her a pointed look.

“You are as ever blessed with common sense.”

“Oh, still a brat I see…”

“Don’t you bloody-“

“Dear Lord, get on with it, both of you. I’m growing old here.” Jimmy rolled his eyes and took his second puff.

Ella sighed. “You were led to believe I died. That were true. I did…or at least, I did for the moment.” The men shared a dubious look. “I did die.”  She explained. “Technically, my heart stopped beating. Thing is twenty minutes after you left it started again.”

“That’s impossible.”

“It seems it, don’t it?”

Thomas leaned forward and ran a hand through his hair. “Thing is…even if it did go as you said, why didn’t you come back?  Why did you let me grieve you?  I weren’t never the same again after seeing you on that slab.”

“This is the part where you’ll hate me.”

“I…” Thomas sighed heavily. “I can’t hate you and you know it.”

For the first time since Jimmy met Ella she hadn’t a shred of confidence left in her expression. “I was selfish Thomas, that’s the simple answer…I daren’t go back there with him…”

“With Dad.”

“With Dad… I left you there I left you alone with him. When the guilt finally got the better of me, I found out you’d already gone.”

Jimmy watched Thomas mull it over, the smoke from his cigarette crowding him. “But the doctors…they didn’t…”

“I ran the first chance I got. Moved to London got picked up by a nice little rich couple and told em my name was Ella Hill.”

“Hill… like Barrow. Clever.”

“We were always rum like that.”

Thomas laughed and spared Jimmy a glance when the man squeezed his hand. “Yeah we were.”

“When I saw you and this one in the papers…I got down here as soon as I could. It were by chance I met Lady Rose on the bypass down here. I knew it must be you they were on about.”

“Yeah…”he thought on her words for a moment. “You were dead…” he repeated.

“And I were sure you’d be down in the cells by now. Perhaps we’re luckier than we think.”

Thomas let his thumb run over Jimmy’s knuckles. “Maybe yer right.”

“I knew you’d end up with a pretty boy.”

Jimmy straightened up and Thomas laughed. “Put your pride away sweetheart, we both used to argue over the pretty ones in our classes at school. If anything she’s complimenting you.”

“Hugely. Yer uncommonly pretty for a servant. You’d think the Earl would pick men that didn’t stand out so much…”

Jimmy tilted his head to her. “I stand out?”

“Not really the cleverest, is he?” she sighed.

“Watch your tongue! His testimonial put a Duke behind bars, he’s clever enough for the both od.” Jimmy smirked and took a drag of his cigarette.

“I can also make yer brother bend to my every whim. I wouldn’t test me on that.”

The siblings didn’t know whether to be impressed or intimidated.

/

The three kept their revelations hushed. And Thomas greeted his colleagues like nothing had happened beyond his imprisonment. The Crawleys descended from above with George and Sybbie in tow. Thomas was almost as happy to see the babies as he was to see Jimmy.

It was endlessly endearing to Jimmy to see Thomas with children. Ella sidled up close to him. “Thinking of popping out a few of your own.”

“You know…your brother is capable of some pretty nasty thing when people are ter rub him up the wrong way. I’d keep it in mind.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Yep.”

“A Barrow through and through you are.” She chuckled. Jimmy played with the name in his mind. James Barrow didn’t sound half bad.

/

_Palm to palm and the mirror image ripples, rings of water pulling her in. A duo becomes a triple and a forever begins. The singer, the writer and the creator of the divine. And if you are her then you are both all mine._


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oooh whats, this 4pm uploading? This is basically smutty fluff. So here you go! Jimmy impresses Ella, and things get emotional in the bedroom.

Jimmy was on his toes all day, eager to get his hands back on Thomas. He felt like an animal starved of food and he was ravenous for him. Thomas had to frequently remind him that people wouldn’t take kindly to a man groping another man in broad daylight.

The evening of his return, Jimmy swore he was stringing it out just to annoy him, but maybe it was unfair of him, Thomas and Ella had a lot to talk about.

“We ended up a singer and an artist. Dad would be seething.”

“Good.” Thomas snapped.

“When did he pop his clogs…”

Thomas sighed and stirred his tea. “Year or so ago.”

Jimmy added up the dates in his head. “But that were around the time of Thirsk?”

“Yeah.”

Jimmy’s mouth dropped open. “Thomas I’m so sorry I- “

“Didn’t know. You’re alright sweetheart.”

“No, I’m not. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Jimmy…” he sighed.

“I’ll make it up to you.” The tone was quite final and his eyes quite steadfast. So, Thomas let him have that one.

“So, I take it the walls will be shaking ton- “

“You better keep them lips closed Ella Barrow.” Thomas snapped. She snickered and sipped her tea.

“For someone who’s getting it on the regular, you’re such a prude Thomas.” The elder blushed and leaned toward her.

“Keep yer voice down!”

“It’s down!”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Jesus, I’m turnin’ in.” Ella smirked across the way stirring her tea slowly.

“Is that so? To who’s bed?”

Jimmy gave her a deadpan glance and lowered his voice. “Your brothers, and he’ll meet me there in an hour, after that we’ll probably fuck into the early hours. As for the walls shaking, I reckon if we’d be shaking a stone built castle like this, you’d probably want to check on us at some point, because death by cock while it sounds fun isn’t how I’m willing to go no matter how good said cock is.” The girl sat before them, stunned. Thomas didn’t know whether to be impressed or mortified.  “I wouldn’t play the lewd game.” He winked. “I always win.” He caught Thomas’ gaze. “An hour?”

Thomas blinked rapidly, his voice breaking when he could finally speak. “Yeah…yeah…an hour.”

The sibling watched him go in a sort of awe, his pretty eyes leaving them with sultry look directed briefly at Thomas. “Like hell you got him, this is unbearably unfair.”

Thomas smirked. “He’s a right goodun, he is...”

“Goodun? There’s the child friendly version.”

“You don’t know ‘im…he’s…he’s different than you think. Than everyone thinks on first sight. He’s pretty yeah…but he’s clever and he’s brave and he pulls you in with his mind more than anything. There’s so much to him, El.”

Ella smiled. “You aint called me El in a while.” Thomas turned to her, smiling sheepishly. “You’re in love with him.” It was a statement and of course she knew, she always did. “Does he love you back?”

“He threw himself in front of a bullet for me…if he don’t love me he’s lost his mind.”

“Fair play, good point.”

/

 Jimmy was waiting on Thomas’ bed as he arrived. “Took your time…” he murmured wiggling his socked toes, quite at home.

“Mm… see you haven’t.” he kicked off his shoes, threw his jacket down and crawled on top of him, fixing him with a sensual kiss. “Mm, comfy are we?”

“I wanna try it different tonight.”

Thomas raised a brow. “Different?”

Jimmy nodded. “You can say no, but I were thinking maybe the other way ‘round.” Thomas thought about it. The last time he had bottomed hadn’t been particularly pleasant, he thought he might like the correct that. And if he was being a bit of a deviant, Jimmy was quite sizable in the cock department. Only an inch or so less than him and just as thick.

“Okay…”

“Yeah?” Jimmy scrambled to his knees excitedly. Thomas gave him fond laugh in return.

“It’s not as if I aint done it before. I was quite the pretty little bottom when I was younger.”

“You keep saying that… ‘When I was younger.’ As if there aint a hoard of girls and gay men that wouldn’t snap you up if they could have you.”

Thomas tilted his head. “I’m taken though, aren’t I?”

Jimmy gave him the proudest little smirk and it could have shattered Thomas into a million pieces. The thought of anybody being that proud to have him was enough. Jimmy being so proud was almost too much.

“Take off your clothes.” Jimmy told him.

Thomas smirked and stood up. He wandered into clear space, where the candle light hit him just right and accentuated every line.

Back to Jimmy, he shot him a lingering look over his shoulder as he slipped out of his waist coat. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly and Jimmy thought at first it was to keep him wanting. But as he dropped the shirt and that awful scar was revealed he realised his lack of haste may have been akin to a sort of shame. Jimmy rolled onto his side, allowing room for Thomas to lie.

“Come here…lie right here on your belly.”

Thomas, a flush creeping its way up his neck, did as he was so gentle asked, stretching out on his front and pressing his cheek to the pillow.

He watched Jimmy with lidded eyes as the youngers fingers, warm to the touch, glided down over his deltoids. The fingers let Thomas’ skin fly under them and when he got to his lower back, Thomas turned his head and hugged the pillow.

It broke Jimmy’s heart to see him so mortified by it. He traced each letter with his index finger. M. I. N. E. And he threw a led over Thomas, cradled his hips and kissed the entire word. “Mine…” he whispered, reverently.

In that moment, he didn’t even realise what he had done for Thomas. He had taken all that power the Duke had forced upon the man and lifted it away.

Thomas felt so light, so free from chains that he was brought to tears that were thankfully hidden by the pillow. And the footman just kept on with his lips, worshiping away all the pain until Thomas was noticeably trembling.

Jimmy lifted his head, voice raspy. “Love?” Thomas didn’t answer but his upper body was shaking. Panic set in and Jimmy made him turn him face so he would look at him. Thomas turned his eyes red and brimming tears. “Shit…I’m sorry. Was it too much?”

“Yeah…”

“That alright we can…”

“Don’t stop…” the whimpered two words made something change in Jimmy. Like the last walls were gone and he didn’t care anymore, about being seen to be what he was supposed to be. He didn’t care. He couldn’t. This man…this man loved him beyond reason and without exception. And he lay here, after everything, pliant and trusting and giving every inch of his being to Jimmy. So why in the hell did Jimmy need approval from anyone else. He didn’t need anyone else. He just needed Thomas.

He drew him into a gentle kiss and brushed the tears from his cheeks. “Onto yer back, love. I don’t want you hiding any tears.”

Thomas sniffled and got himself situated, once he was comfy, Jimmy leant down and kissed him. “Let’s get you out of these.” He tugged at his trousers.

Thomas smiled and lifted his hips, allowing his lover to unbutton them and pull both his trousers and his underwear down.

When he was finally lay naked under him, Jimmy felt a profound sense of responsibility. He quickly removed his sleep top and then he found Thomas’ hands, letting their fingers entwine. He pressed kisses on the elders knuckles and the other watch him sleepily.

“Hmm…the stretching thing I…I don’t know how...I don’t know if…”

“Don’t fret. I’ll talk you through it.”

Jimmy gave him a kind smile and caressed his cheek. It turned out that he didn’t have to be as slow with Thomas, who was quite accustomed to things like this by now.

He had him stretched and writhing in a matter of minutes, the elder bucking every time Jimmy’s finger passed over his prostate.

It was quite a lovely sight for Jimmy, Thomas wasn’t often so flustered like this.

“I’ve got you all worked up aint I?” he whispered pressing his index and middle finger to the little bundles of nerves and rubbing. Thomas keened.

“Christ…I need you.” He choked out, throwing his head back. Jimmy slowed his finger and pulled them out. Without thinking he took them into his own mouth, closing his eyes.

It was an act of submission that kept Thomas secure, while reducing him to a shivering mess. He simply watched his lover, stroking his cock.  Jimmy watched him and pressed a quick kiss to his tip.

“Ngh…”

“We’ll play with that later…” he promised as he shimmied out of his sleep pants. Thomas gave him a shaky moan in return when he tossed his pants onto the floor.

“Mm, if you don’t bugger me soon I’ll go mad.” He whispered. Jimmy smirked.

“We wouldn’t want that now would we?”

He pressed the tip of his cock to Thomas’ entrance and pushed in. Thomas threw his head back, his body arching up as a thrill barrelled through his entire body.

Then he just lay there, mouth hanging open. “God…yes.”

Jimmy couldn’t agree more. He’d been with many women. Of all reasonable ages and of all shapes and sizes. Nothing had ever come close to this, excluding the tightness…the absolute viper like tightness around his cock, Thomas himself was just too lovely to be true.

Jimmy swept down and shakily pressed a kiss to his lips. “It so hard not to j-just…”

Thomas nodded. “You can...move for me. Please…”

Jimmy thought of beginning slow but it seemed Thomas had other things in mind. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jimmy wouldn’t dare to be vigorous with Thomas, so instead, Thomas would have to vigorous with himself.

He pushed Jimmy onto his back and before the younger could adjust to his new position Thomas was sinking back down onto him.

Both made soft, high noises. And then Thomas was slamming himself up and down on Jimmy with incredible speed.

Jimmy was lost in a sea of noises that Thomas swallowed with his kiss. They were lucky these walls were thick, because the slap of skin on skin was obscene and his bed was creaking below them.

Neither of them were to last long, not with Thomas wild like he was, biting his lips and telling Jimmy. “Look at it.” He gestured to the sight of Jimmy’s cock dragging in and out of him. “Mm I want it inside…when you cum I…I want it all inside.”

He got his wish a few seconds later. Jimmy’s face contorted in absolute ecstasy as he split, raggedly into Thomas. He made a few guttural groans as he thrust it deep into his body, holding onto his hips to bring them down almost brutally against him.

Thomas was suddenly tensing, squeezing tight around him and stroking himself rapidly over Jimmy’s tummy. He came in sharp ropes again and again until he sagged, exhausted.

Jimmy took him into his arms without a word and held the trembling man as he cried once more. He cried too. Not really knowing why.

“Even if all goes tits up and tomorrow them writers can’t stand us in person. We’re gonna be alright Thomas. You’re gonna be okay.”

“I don’t mean ter cry…I’m happy…I swear it’s….”

“Love…you’ve been through the ringer and just come out the other end. You don’t need ter tell why you’re this or that. I know. I know…”

/

_It’s okay sweet love …cry…cry away. Cry until tomorrow, until morning or midday. I’ll hold you ‘til then, every night from now on. I’ll hold you ‘til the breath in your body is gone._

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sup lads! Back again with another chapter. Thomas says his temporary farewells to Ella and he and Jimmy spend the day in London before meeting the Bloomsbury group.

The sun trickled into the room through the crack in the curtains. Jimmy was sure those damned drapes were put in too thin just to keep them on time.

But this morning he was awoke to something prettier than usual. A soft voice…someone was singing. Low…almost a whisper.

It was hauntingly beautiful, it made Jimmy imagine angels perched on grey clouds in his state of half-dream, like bells chiming and echoing through drafty hallways. It was stunning. He should have guessed something so profound could only be the work of Thomas Barrow.

He stayed very still and very quiet, as if he were approaching a stag in the wild, afraid to frighten him away.And Thomas just pulled up his trouser, slipped into his shirt. The more he covered equalled the more pale skin Jimmy lamented losing to cloth that shrouded him. But it was sweet forfeit in exchange for a song that had him so spellbound.

“When I think of you and the coming days

When the kingdoms fall and your reign begins

Everything in me longs to see the day

To sing the never-ending song:

 

My boy is King of all the earth

My boy is King forevermore

The Nations come to worship him

My boy is King forevermore

 

Bright and morning star

Hope of all the earth

You will shine your light

like the rising sun

There will be no end to your kingdom's rule

All creation sings the everlasting song:

 

My boy is King of all the earth

My boy is King forevermore

The Nations come to worship Him

My boy is King forevermore...”

Jimmy shifted as the song came to its end, leaning up on his elbow and the bed creaking with his body. Finally, Thomas turned to him, soft flush to his cheeks after being so caught out.

He made his way over to him meekly, crouching by the bed. “G’morning. We have while yet ‘til our train…you can lay here a moment if yer want.”

Jimmy gazed down at the man before him…pure wonder in his eyes. “Your voice, it’s…” he rasped.

Thomas brushed his hair from his eyes. “It’s what?”

Jimmy’s eyes bore into his, complete devotion rolling off him in tendrils. “Wow…” was the soft, speechless answer.

Thomas huffed a laugh, but it quickly faded as a thought invaded his mind.“What? What’s wrong?” Jimmy murmured.

Thomas shook his head “Naught much…it’s just…it’s the first time I’ve had an audience in a while. My dear father used to tell me I weren’t aloud, that singing was fer girls and I sounded like a pansy singing all them flowery tunes.”

Jimmy nodded and ran a thumb over the underbutler’s bottom lip. “Well with all due respect, yer father was a prick.”

Thomas chuckled and kissed his fingers as they passed by. “Mm, that he was.”

/

Ella was strolling down the halls, valise in hand when Thomas stopped her…just as she reached the door.

“Gonna leave without saying goodbye huh?”

She turned back to him. “Don’t be sour. You were resting, but I’ve got a train to catch.”

He furrowed his brows. “Come with us, we’re headed ter- “

“Euston… I’m headed to Kings Cross.”

Thomas seemed to struggle with himself for a moment. He tried beyond reason to find an excuse to her with them a little longer, but in the ends, she just placed a hand on his arm. “I’m not leaving yer this time…not forever like you thought anyway.”

“Yer need to write to me…call or something. Let me know that yer…”

“Alive?”

He let out a long, agonised breath and pulled his sister into a tight hug. She laughed but held him close too. “How about I call yer at the Bloomsbury house, let you know I’m home safe.”

Thomas pulled back and nodded his consent. “Alright.”

She placed a hand on his cheek and, he mirrored the gesture. When they were younger, saying something like ‘I love you’ was belittled by their father. This was their mock-proof way of saying it. A quick gesture, a pat on the cheek when times were tough. Normally, it was when Thomas lay curled in a ball, bruised and shaking like kicked puppy. Their father would finally leave him be…and Ella would come out from her hiding place to comfort her brother. Who had more than likely took the beating for her.

After their mother died it was the only comfort they ever got. And it made Thomas feel a million times better about seeing her walk out of the door.

/

The train whistled loud and proud as the men took their seats in little booth. The engine pulled away and carried them toward London.

Thomas and Jimmy left before the others had even arisen, to Jimmy’s insistence. They had already had Thomas yesterday, today…today it should be them and them only. It should be them creating a future together…and of course the human part of Jimmy was just sick to the back teeth of sharing him.

Jimmy put his head to his shoulder, just a second before realising his surroundings and straightening up again. Thomas sighed, it was so cosy in this room, he could think of nothing better than just to hold him the whole journey.

Be he couldn’t do that here. And it was something he had no choice to accept. Jimmy seemed to get jittery the nearer to the city they got. He would barley look Thomas in the eyes, favouring the landscape outside the window instead.

“What if they say no?” he murmured. Thomas slowly let his fingers cover Jimmy’s on the seat between them and Jimmy let his fingers slot between the other man’s.

“Then it’s their loss and we go back to Downton and figure somethin’ out.”

Jimmy nodded, his body sagging as he turned his head. “Mm... I’m glad I’m here with you any who…I don’t reckon I could stomach it alone.”

Thomas smiled. “We have a while til tonight, we have time to do as we wish for once…what’re you thinking?”

Jimmy scratched the back of his head. “I dunno…lunch? A bit of exploring.”

“Whatever you want dear.” He teased. Jimmy’s face twisted in distaste.

“I aint your little wife.”

Thomas laughed. “My little wife…my life if you will.”

“I’m alright with that one.”

“Such a diva.”

“You get my arse near every night, I get to choose the pet names.”

Thomas smirked, looked around and then pecked his cheek. “Fair enough.”

/

“Thomas, you can’t pay for everything…”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “How much money do you have left from your wage again?” Jimmy blushed and Thomas nodded. “Right then…and I want to pay. I don’t want yer struggling. You want something sweet too?”

“I…get me whatever y’want.”

“Mm… we should get cakes too.”

The place they were in was fancier than usual. The type of place Doctor’s wives met for afternoon tea. Chandeliers and little bouquets of wild flowers in the middle of the tables where their tea was served on delicate china and silver. Thomas looked right at home here, but Jimmy with his tweed and flat cap felt completely out of place.

“Stop messing with yer hair you look fine.”

Jimmy’s ears tinted red, he ducked his head a little insecure, “You sure we should be here…they’re all looking at me like I’ll pocket the spoons after.”

“Nobody’s looking at anyone. Besides that, gaggle of housewives there that look like they wanna gobble you up.” Jimmy spared them a glance and shuddered as they suggestively fluttered their fingers in his direction. “Ignore ‘em…this is the first time me and you could be alone in the day time. You told me the first time we kissed to shut up and enjoy it. Well I’m telling you the same right now.”

Jimmy smirked. “How romantic.”

“I’m buying you cake and butties what more could you want?”

He laughed soft. “Nothin’. You’re right, I’m being daft.”

Thomas’s eyes softened. “Yeah but yer my dafty.”

/

After a pleasant dinner, they went on a stroll around London, a country boy like Jimmy wasn’t ready for the markets. The obnoxiousness of the stall vendors, the din. He wandered off alone drawn to a stall selling pocket watches. They weren’t expensive material but they were very fancy looking. Jimmy found himself towed towards a little brass one, a beautiful cursive face and the back was carved with a pretty floral scene and birds.

He bought it on a whim. And as he handed over the coins Thomas re-joined him.

“You bought something huh?”

Jimmy nodded. “Yeah.” He held it out in his palm for Thomas to inspect.

“It’s beautiful.” He told him.

“I’m glad you think so, I got it fer you.”

Thomas’s lashes batted rapidly against his cheek. “You bought it fer me?”

“I said that didn’t I?”

Thomas took it from him and turned it over in his hand. “You’re so spectacularly unfair you know?”

“Huh?”

“Doing shit like that fer me in public while I can’t kiss you.” He murmured under his breath. “Thank you...it’s perfect.” He slipped it into his breast pocket, right by his heart.

/

They neatened themselves up before they made their way down to the Bloomsbury house. It stood tall and proud and emitted a warm orange glow from the inside out. Thomas didn’t let Jimmy loiter. He pulled him by his wrist right to door.

“They invited us here Jimmy, if we weren’t somewhat equal to them in some respect they’d have never have bothered, would they?”

“I suppose…”

“So, cheer up.” He rapped on the door.

They were met moment later by a butler and a flurry of sound, music on a gramophone and oodles of laughter.

“Mr Barrow and Mr Kent, I assume?” he asked them. They nodded, quite enraptured. “May I take your coats?”

They were led into the drawing room and for the first time in their lives they were introduced to room without their occupations and the word “My” attatched to the end.

“Ladies and gentleman Mr Barrow and Mr Kent.”

To their surprise they entered the room to an applause, neither knew where to look but stood incredibly close.

Duncan Grant came forward to greet them. “My dear friends…the two men who brought down a vicious and powerful monster” he clapped them both on their shoulders. The lovers noted individually that he was quite handsome. And Mrs Woolf with her far off grey eyes met them at the door.

“Welcome to Bloomsbury.” She told them. “Come, drink with us.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay sweet ones. No idea if this is decent, researching the Bloomsbury lot was extensive. But here we is: Thomas and Jimmy dine with the Bloomsbury group. They make life long commitment during sex and Virginia gives them the verdict.

“You’re very quiet down there boys, is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable?”

Jimmy looked terrified to answer and so Thomas answered for the both, over the sea of venison, steaming potatoes and a rainbow of vegetables. “No Mrs West, we’re quite comfortable thank you.”

“You know…” Virginia swirled her wine in her glass. “My dear Leonard told me of your lovely accents. You should feel no need to add polite inflection here. We are a group that greatly apricates a true self whatever that may be. Most beauty I feel is found in authenticity.”

“What I think she means to say is that you may be as gay as the day is long and as Yorkshire as you please.” Mr Stephenson added taking a long gulp of his amber alcohol.

Virginia lay her chin in her hands. “Hm, yes perhaps that’s it.”

Jimmy seemed to melt beside him. “Thank Lord fer that I thought this were gonna be a long painful one.” He lifted their hands and placed them, still entwined on the table top.

The tabled chuckled as one and Thomas leaned on his hand, looking at his lover with a mask of pride. “You seem quite smitten with him Mr Barrow. Would you call Mr Kent your muse? I could see the attractive prospects.” Grant’s voice was low, silky. It was seductive, never as much as Jimmy’s voice was but he worried in that moment of the temptation for Jimmy. The group were infamous for their rumoured sexual escapades together, he never thought of having a rival before now.

The concern must have been all over his face, because Jimmy took his silence as a chance to speak.

“Actually, it were me who made the first real moves. So, I guess yer could say he’s mine. My muse.” Affection swelled in Thomas’ chest and he squeezed the younger’s hand, thumb running soft against his knuckles.

“Quite correct too, quite the tall, handsome bugger. You were both are wasted in service. Beauty in my humble opinion should be revered instead of hidden.”

“I’m sure Duncan means this passionate sentiment for your art as well as your bodies.” Mrs West, cut in sharply, fixing him with the sort of look a mother would give her son.

He shot a wink back and from the other side of the table Vanessa Bell whipped out of a jealous gaze.

“Your work is fascinating, both sets are quite ahead of their time in terms of subject matter. Quite a refreshing take, quite honest I think.”

Duncan raised his brows. “You do surprise me Ness, you know that I paint men too.” “You paint their bodies, you paint sex. Mr Barrow paints minds as well. Auras. It’s quite charming.”

Thomas ducked his head bashfully. “Thank you, Miss Bell.”

“Oh, my dear man call me Ness.”

Thomas smiled and tilted his head. Miss Woolf made a soft noise from the end of the table. “You’re quite fascinating Mr Barrow. You have such sorrow behind your eyes but your smile is…quite effervescent. Quite angelic for a man who seems so serious.”

Jimmy turned his eyes up to Thomas. It was something he had witnessed too. It was nice to have someone see the things in Thomas that Jimmy did…and feel no threat that the person would steal him away for the very reasons Jimmy fell for him.

“Pray tell me, what do you feel for Mr Barrow’s smile, James?”

Jimmy let his eyes wander to Virginia. The he let them wander away, fixed on his glass, half full.

“When he smiles…all’s well.”

/

Thomas could keep the five words from his mind all night. Mr and Mrs Woolf insisted they should stay the night. More than likely after the several tipsy invitations to Mr Grant’s bedroom, they felt that providing them one of their own, lock included was the least they could do.

Thomas lay, as naked as can be over the bed as Jimmy let his trousers pool on the floor.

“Good lord you’ve got a beautiful arse.”

“Mm, you’re drunk.”

“So are you.

“Only a little bit.” He crawled onto the bed and kissed his lover. Immediately he sensed a tension on his lips, an unanswered question. “What? What’s wrong?”

Thomas blinked and furrowed his brow. “Would you fuck Mr Grant?”

Jimmy’s lashes batted but once before he answered. “Not even if he begged…would you?”

“N-no but I mean…I’ve been through other men and I…I’ve never wanted anyone more than I have you...” “Thomas…what d’ya think? The first perdy man I see and I’ll be off with him? When I say it’s just you, I mean it. Just daft ole you.” He rested his chin on the elder’s chest. “There’s plenty of girls I’d bed. None of em I love. There’s only one man I’d ever bed and he’s the one person I think I’ll ever love.”

A beat. “Alfred?”

He shoved him. “I’ve just eaten.”

Thomas broke out into a fit of silly giggles. When he smiled like that Jimmy knew there was no use in trying to keep the pretence up. His irritation was ground to dust by his joy.

“Mrs Woolf aint half right about that smile, love…” Jimmy’s finger tips wandered curiously over his lips. “Could cure all evil that could.”

Thomas closed his eyes. “Lord above why won’t they let me marry you.” He rolled them over, Jimmy on his back and smiling up at him in wonder.

His legs fell open on instinct, but Thomas gripped his thighs and pushed them further, earning a soft groan from Jimmy. He slid down between those legs, nose brushing his balls as he pressed a kiss to his fluttering hole.

It made Jimmy gasp.

“Thomas…please, fer god sake…I need it.”

“What if I married yer like this…all spread out for me like a harlot, begging for it.” Jimmy whined pitifully as Thomas let his tongue drag over the pucker.

“Christ… yes. Do it.”

Thomas moaned in return into his ass and trailed his lips along his thighs. Then he let Jimmy slick his fingers with spit. A ridiculously erotic act of itself, especially with him making noises like he did. Jimmy’s hips lifted, eyes rolling back as Thomas pushed two into him.

“James Kent…my sweet boy, will you take me as you husband…mmm…in sickness and health, for better or fer worse…all that jazz. Til’ death do us part.”

“Longer…” he promised, his fingers carding the dark hair. “Course I do…”

There was a little pause as Jimmy came apart by Thomas’ hand…literally.  “Ngh…Thomas-Thomas Barrow…” The elder met his eyes, full of the most passionate and odd mixture of lust and heart-shattering love.  “Will yer take me- “

“Yes…lord, yes.” and in one swift more he moved up, arms bracketing Jimmy and pushing himself into him smooth and deep. He choked out and Jimmy’s body bowed, arching from the bed at their union. It was so much…the feelings were so intense that Jimmy trembled from it.

“Christ alive…”

“Are yer alri- “

“Don’t you dare stop.” He clutched at his back as Thomas began drive home. The footman cursed with every thrust.

“Such a filthy mouth…I could’ve never taken you to a church.”

Jimmy groaned and was about to bite back when Thomas lifted his legs and began to hammer into him. Jimmy’s whole body twisted and writhed as a powerful sensation hit him, a tidal wave that washed him away to the stars.

Thomas gasped as Jimmy shot vast loads messily…all over the both of them. The sight was too much…and coupled with those sounds. So loud he was sure the others would hear them. But now they needn’t worry.

Thomas too came. Calling to Jimmy again and again.

“Mnnh.” Jimmy stared up at him lazily as he was filled. When Thomas was done, he pulled him down into a kiss. “So…a-are you Mr Kent? Or am I Mr Barrow.”

“It’s an illegal marriage…we…we could even take my Mum’s maiden name.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“Thomas and James Cappelli…”

Jimmy panted and tilted his head. “She were Italian?”

“Mm, in effetti il mio amore.”

“Christ that’s pretty.”

“I don’t know much more…me dear father didn’t allow us to learn. Said we was English and we should speak so.” His eyes wandered off somewhere not in the room.

Jimmy cupped his cheek. “Oi… come back to me yeah? It’s our wedding night… surely we aint gonna stop at one.”

Thomas smiled and cocked his head. “Mm…I suppose that wouldn’t be right, would it? Consummation and everything.”

“Mm consummate away.”

/

_My husband in land of slumber and even prettier bathed in the stars. Don’t slip away too soon my love, don’t you wander, don’t you travel too far._

_For today is the day when rise my love, we’ll be waiting on the threshold of heaven. And if the gates will open for us, we’ll be met by a heavenly concession._

_We were married tonight...you vowed you vows and smiled...and all was well and right._

/

 

Vita Sackville-West sipped tea by the window when Thomas and Jimmy finally joined them. She chuckled at their dishevelment.

“Good morning boys.” She drew out the ‘o’ in boys and added a rather suggestive wink. They knew then that everybody had heard them.

“Good Morning.” They both rasped as Virginia wandered into the room.

“Just the two I was thinking off. Would you join me for a turn around the garden before you leave?”

The agreed. Virginia was a sweet, intelligent and passionate woman, they were both sure the conversation would be stimulating enough to stomach.

Happily, it was. they talked of flowers, their mother’s favourites, then simply their mother’s. Thomas was surprised when Mrs Woolf revealed the pain she had experience at her mother’s loss, thankfully Thomas was attentive and cared for her emotionally while James lightened the mood, regaling tales of childhood mischief.

She chuckled at him. “So, when will you move in…is there a…contract you must fulfil.”

The two men linking her stopped in their track, hope swelling and fluttering in their hearts.”

“You…yer mean we’re in?” Thomas murmured.

She laughed her eyes alight with amusement. “My dear boys… you were in the moment you arrived and didn’t feign your admiration of us horribly. Too many slimy things kissing our feet, it isn’t what we want.”

“You want us?” Jimmy breathed.

“I think we need you.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Jimmy celebrate while Virginia contemplates them, Ella turns up with and reveals the story runs deeper than expected and the boys return to Downton to tell them the news.

_All there is, all you will ever be is light and it’s blinding my dear, that white gold spangle sinking into skin. It gives me life. And we run, we barrel as ever toward that sunset. Heaven? Maybe? Perfect? I’d think not.  But our love will be legend, you can count on that._

/

Thomas was running with Jimmy beside him in step…euphoric. Then suddenly they leaped, they cut the air together and they were falling, the water submerging them. Toes. Ankles. Calves, thighs, hips, waist and all the way up over the top of their heads.

And they floated hand in hand, just above the river bed.

It was quiet there, under the water flow, the sun broke through the surface and time seemed so infinite. Thomas pulled his lover to him gathering his lips in a gentle kiss, parting too soon after and leaving Jimmy, drowned in ecstasy while he came up for air.

The younger came up only seconds later, gasping his breath.

Virginia laughed from afar while they frolicked. The others in the group were withering, they were aging and youth was always something that delighted the woman…she craved it. Life and vitality.

And these boys, these men, they were glorious.

Duncan, the picture of regret, came stumbling out into the open, his eyes dulled, hair in tufts and his voice rough from sleep. “Well-well. Isn’t that is a sight?  Makes my ailments somewhat worth the pain. Pray tell, what is it that has them in such good spirits?”

Virginia turned to him a soft, smile curling her lips like a dream. “They will join us in the New Year. And you are to leave them be Sir!” She admonished. “You must not scare them away.”

Duncan smirked, he rolled his eyes. “I suppose if they are sure…let is hope their magic keeps us as enthralled as this moment.”

Virginia leaned forwards, hands placed just above her knees. “I do so love these rivers, no matter what should hinder their paths, they always move. They go on forever. I should think whatever would be pulled into its current would become just a never-ending as the water itself.”

“You think those boy’s immortal?” Duncan puckered his lips and wrinkled his brow.

“I so deeply wish they were. But then again, my dear man, I’m growing old and they shall always be young to my eye.”

/

After their frenzy, the boys returned to house to change. The two of them dabbing each other dry but dressing separately in a contented silence, slightly forlorn at seeing all that skin disappear again.

“Yer think she’s alright?” Thomas murmured as he sat on the bed watching Jimmy mess with his hair under his cap, willing his curls to play ball.

The younger met his eyes through the clouded glass. “Who? Miss Virginia? I mean she- “

“No…I mean Ella.”

“Oh…s’pose yer right. She’ll be alright though. She’s smart aint she? Like you.”

Thomas smiled. “Still…it’d be dandy if she-“

“Thomas?” Vanessa Bell, as pretty as every knocked on the open door and both men stood and straightened up on instinct. She smiled wryly in their direction. “There’s an Ella Hill for you.”

Heart a flutter, he shot Jimmy a glance. “She’s here?” “Mm…quite beautiful as well. Do you know her?”

“She’s my sister.”

Vanessa raised a curious brow something sparkling in her eyes. “Oh…I wasn’t aware you had any family. Now I think about it… it makes sense.” Thomas frowned and tilted his head. “Didn’t think I did…it were a shock to me too. I’ll have to tell yer the story sometime. She-she’s downstairs you say?”

Vanessa nodded fondly eyes wandering his features. “Hm…yes in the sitting room.”

He thanked her and pulled Jimmy by his hand and he hastened down the stairs to his sister.

/

The room in itself was captivating, the walls and the mantel piece adorned with little portraits and paintings, sofas covered in knitted blankets and books in every nook.  There was no real opulence to it, but there was beauty all the same.

 Ella sat, striking in the centre yet somehow, still blending seamlessly into the wall. She could have been an art piece herself. So still. So composed.

“You didn’t call.” Thomas accused.

She laughed and turned to him. “Yer needed to concentrate on you. Yer never did well with distraction. I heard yer got in.” she shot a smile to Jimmy too as she stood. “And so, my plan worked. Didn’t it?”

Thomas smirked. “You always was a sly one.”

She chuckled as he took her into his arms. A few seconds later she pulled away and placed a hand briefly on Jimmy’s cheek, he smiled at her but she turned back Thomas. “I’m happy fer yer.” She told him. “Yer livin’ the high life you was always born for. The one you deserved after everything you did for me and Mum. And after everything the world beat out of you in the years after.”

Thomas shook his head. “I’m still waitin’ on the end of all this happiness.”

“You know… when I were first taken in by my new folks, I were the same way. Waiting for one of em to turn ‘round and wallop me one. Never ‘appened. Good things happen Blue.”

“Blue?” Jimmy questioned with a tilted head. Ella smiled. “Yeah…when we was little we looked near identical the only difference were his baby blues. Like Mum’s.”

Thomas tugged Jimmy to his side by his waist. Ella couldn’t help it, her lips curled into a smile. They looked so strong together, united.

“Will we see yer more when we’re in London?” Jimmy asked her.

“Well, I won’t be able ter avoid you, will I?” she teased. “I mean…visiting m’folks would be awkward if I were hiding in these rooms from you, wouldn’t it?”

Thomas cocked his head, a twinkle in her eye telling him that something very big was amiss from his picture of the situation.

“My new folks? Miss Vita Sackville-West, Sir Harold Nicolson. I take it they’re still members?”

Thomas pushed in the final puzzle piece. “I was always guaranteed it, weren’t I?” he laughed. “Before I ever even showed my face.”

Jimmy’s mouth fell open as it clicked. “Christ…”

Ella chuckled. “That’s not quite true. I know these people…while they woulda been happy to have you in their home. The fact you’ve been made members comes from yer talents alone. So…was you always guaranteed a way out of service? Yeah. Was you always guaranteed a career after? No. That were all you.”

Jimmy pulled her to them first, Thomas too frozen in shock to do anything, but still, they hugged her together. It seemed their little family of two was growing by the second. Soon they’d have a legion behind them.

/

The train journey home was one full of hope. They didn’t mind so much that they couldn’t touch each other, they had the long stretch of foreseeable future to be intimate.

“Do you think it will…you think all this with go to shit?” Jimmy murmured.

Thomas found himself in a conundrum. The pessimist in him wanted to tell him his qualms, but his love for Jimmy’s happiness pulled him to lie.

He seemed to struggle visibly. “I-I think whatever happens here. We’re still relatively young…and we should bask in it as long as we’re allowed ter.”

Jimmy seemed appeased, he pulled unbuttoned his vest and sagged against his seat.

“We’ll be alright together. We can do it all us two.”

“Damn right we can.”

/

Their return to the Abbey was strangely bitter sweet. Thomas had grown up here. He arrived a boy, a scared, angry, cold little thing. And he would leave the happiest man alive.

Anna and Bates were at the table as they entered. “James! Mr Barrow!” she beamed. “You’re back! How was it what did they say to you?”

“What indeed.” Carson entered behind her as Bates smiled on at his wife. “There had been a great deal of absence around here lately.” He huffed.

“There’s about to be a lot more Mr Carson.” Thomas told him. “We would like to hand in our resignations.”

Anna clapped her hand over her mouth in shock and Bates laughed his joy. To their surprise, the butler didn’t kick up a fuss…in fact he smiled. “I thought you would…well done to the both of you.” His eyes flickered to Jimmy

“Thank you sir.” He mumbled a blush on the highs of his cheeks. Carson nodded.

“You will have to work the month. I can still give you references. Thought I doubt it will be necessary…I suppose it could hurt.”

“That would be perfect sir. Thank you.” Thomas murmured. The butler let it blow over him. “No I…I mean it Mr Carson. You’ve been hard on me it’s true. But in a strange way. I think it’s because you cared. You’ve called me some names, we’ve not always seen eye to eye. But for the most part…I think you just willed me to fight for more than I were lowering myself to.”

Jimmy tilted his head. It was more than the butler deserved from him. But it became clear to Jimmy, Thomas saw positivity in negative influences. I mean look what he saw in Jimmy.

It was sweet and Carson didn’t know how to respond. “Well you…you have been here since you were a lad, in a way, I feel something of a father to you.”

Thomas laughed. “Sir my father is a prick. I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.”

Carson blinked and Jimmy snorted.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not being able to wack em out everyday! I'm back at Uni and very busy! But here we is! Jimmy and Thomas begin their last time at Downton. Robert throws them a lifeline and Thomas is struggling with the idea of being free. Smut ahead.

News spread of Thomas and Jimmy’s leaving quicker than either of them thought. By lunch they were back working and being barraged by questions. “How was it?” “How were they?” “When will you leave.”

As dinner service approached they found themselves more drained than usual. Whether that was the constant queries or the previous bout of booze, they were still unsure.

“Get me gone from here as soon as possible love.” He murmured, body sagged as Jimmy passed him to collect the entrees.

The younger turned to him, sleepy eyes and sheepish smiles. “I think yer gonna miss it more than you let on.”

A phantom smile tugged at Thomas’ lips as he as that silver tray was pushed into his waiting hands. “Mm…I’ll miss them two rooms, a lot went on in them rooms. My life were changed in them beds.”

Jimmy collected his tray from Mrs Patmore, who was too busy admonishing Ivy to pay mind to them. “A room don’t make a home Thomas…just the souls inside it. And we’re taking them with us. But yer can’t tell me a little bit of yer won’t stay all laced up in these walls.”

Thomas face said it all as his eyes navigated to room, these halls he knew so well, that had held him so long and were so familiar that walking them had become an instinct.

He would miss them the way a convict missed his cell… or his inmates.

But he had lived and loved behind these walls, tainted and cured them. And despite his position here, they felt a little like his. Of course, he didn’t admit it to Jimmy.

But he didn’t need to. That face…it said it all.

/

“Thomas, James.” The two blinked from their respective sides of the room as His Lordship called their names. He stood. The Earl stood from his seat. “Come here stand beside me.”

With the wariness Thomas guessed they would never lose they came around the table and took their places either side of their master. He placed either hand on their shoulders. “Today we are to lose two of our best…”

Jimmy tilted his head and shot Thomas a look of confusion that was mirrored back to him. _Today?_

“In fact, we are to lose them as our employees and are to gain them as acquaintances.”

Thomas was the one to interrupt. “I’m so sorry M’lord but…I thought we had a month left of our contracts?”

“Indeed, you do…but I think you’ve both been pushed backwards quite enough this year. I think it would be a great disservice to you to keep you from a happier future for even a moment. We will release you from your contracts tonight.”

The underbutler and the footman stood in amazement… mouths parted. There would be no last sprint. Robert had taken them and carried them like kings to their next destination. They were free.

And while Jimmy was ecstatic, but Thomas felt the strange sensation he was floating. His tether had been torn from this place and now it was just him, clung to his lover and spinning. He couldn’t quite believe it and oddly, for all he wanted freedom, now he felt lost for having it.

Jimmy had been so right…more right than Thomas had realised at the time.  Jimmy as ever knew him better than he knew himself.

“My dear chaps… we would like to invite you to drink with us in the parlour. If that would please you both of course.”

Thomas stared around at the glittering opulence that were smiling up at him. And Jimmy was on his wavelength in a second.

“We would be honoured M’lord.” He told him. “Wouldn’t we Thomas?”

His eyes fluttered as he met Jimmy’s eyes finally grounded. “Yes…yes thank you…”

/

Thomas was near despondent the whole affair through and Jimmy stayed close and vigilant, often coaxing him into conversation.

“So, you’ll be living and working amongst our literary greats…I can imagine that would be quite a change of pace.” Mary’s eyes twinkled

“Oh, we’ll keep ourselves busy M’lady.” Jimmy chuckled keeping his eyes on Thomas’ who was off with his own thoughts in the opposing corner. Branson who was beside them followed his line of sight.

“Say…is he alright? Thomas, I mean. He’s been iffy all night. It was struggle getting the words outta him.”

Jimmy glanced toward the Irishman. “I think he’s just been knocked fer six. He ent ever known luck like this in his life.”

“Do you think it may be too much for him?”

“No M’lady…I think he’s jus’ waiting fer the fall. I’d wager he’s scared. Like them convicts that spend too long in their prisons, everything seems scary outside them walls.” The three of them mulled the dark-haired man for a moment and Jimmy downed the rest of his glass before setting it neatly on the tray. “I might force him to his room. Please thank His Lordship for us.”

“I shall. Goodnight James.”

“Goodnight Jimmy.” Branson echoed.

“M’lady, Mr Branson.” He dipped his head and then navigated the edges of the room to meet with Thomas. The elder only met his eyes when Jimmy covered the light. “C’mon you daft thing…” he sighed beckoning him off. Thomas followed him like a shadow, all darkness and barely existing.

They snook through the downstairs corridors managing to turn off to the left wing before anyone caught sight of them. And when Jimmy closed the door to Thomas’s room behind them both he needn’t even say much.

Thomas knew he couldn’t run from him.

“Yer scared.” Jimmy moved close to him. “Yer need ter tell me why.”

Thomas’ eyes wavered but fell back to the floor and Jimmy’s stomach dropped with the gaze. Jimmy’s hands came up to cup the other’s face, delicately as if that pale skin was porcelain.  “I don’t think I can do it sweet boy.”

“What? What can’t yer do?”

“This, all this… shite. The pleasantries and the- the wine ‘n’ dine. I don’t reckon I’m cut out fer it.”

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t…” he trailed. “There ent’ no safety net for yer out there…and I dunno if I can protect you from all th- “

“Thomas… get a grip of yer life.” Blinked rapidly but Jimmy merely smirked. “Didn’t yer say we should just ride it while we can? You ent got to protect me. I’m a big boy. All you got to do is treat me well, bugger me the way I like and look after this.” He tapped his chest above his hear. “We deal with the rest when it comes. Yeah? C’mon love…let’s just…drown in it. In all this prettiness.”

Thomas tilted his head. “It’s not as easy for me…to-to stop worrying fer you.”

Jimmy regarded him for a quiet moment, then he shrugged off his jacket, his vest and unbuttoned his shirt. Thomas watched him with a morbid curiosity and the constant hint of adoration.

“Jimmy what’re you…”

“Shh…don’t yer think of anything…don’t speak. Just…breathe and focus on the feeling.”

Jimmy began to undress Thomas. He pushed down the jacket, nudging it down his arms and tossing it to the corner. He held his face and pulled him into a kiss, languid little kisses as his finger moved to unbutton his vest.

Thomas closed his eyes as Jimmy pulled it down to his forearms and let it drop off. His head tilted to the side, welcoming the younger’s lips as they travelled down the side of his neck.

The shirt came off without Thomas even realising. In a matter of minutes, he was loose and pliant and so very vulnerable for Jimmy.

The blonde pushed him back onto the bed and he collapsed like a folding chair over the foot of it. Stars in his eyes, he saw nothing after that, not in his mind nor his sight…nothing but Jimmy. He didn’t realise he was fully naked until the writer’s hands were on his thighs.

“Tha’s it love…lie back.”

The man dissolved into the sheets and Jimmy, naked as the day he was born, crawled on top of him, knees bracketing him hips. For a while they just stared at each other…a long intense stare that seemed to crackle in heat waves between them. It warmed Thomas to the core. Then, Jimmy’s face was coming towards him. Thomas was sure it was kiss. That was until his forehead made contact with the youngers but nothing else.

Jimmy’s eyes were closed, brow furrowed in concentration, he was willing Thomas to be there. To be here in that moment rather than drowning in his past or suffocating on his future. He wanted him to breathe into the present.

“Love…it ent a case of you or me. It’s an us. You pull there an’ I’m pulled too. Yeah?”

“Yes.” Thomas nodded, eyes hooded. “Yes…”

Jimmy’s fingers trailed down…and down…way down between Thomas’ legs, a trail of goose bumps in their wake.

“Open yer legs.” Jimmy murmured.

/

Jimmy spent the entire night playing Thomas like a fiddle. Fingers inside him…outside too, while the inside was otherwise occupied. He did him gentle, thrust into him steady and true…eyes boring into the other’s. He did him right.

And Thomas was under him, all spread out and whimpering pitifully. Jimmy’s hands were less practiced than Thomas, clumsier, rougher and Thomas adored every sudden tug of this or scratch against that.

He came so hard that night and so many times…he wasn’t even thinking straight by the time the day started to break.

But Jimmy was there, cradling him into the crook of his neck. “You’ve got me ent yer? Got me back?”

Thomas nodded his sweaty head against the younger’s neck. “’Course…”

“I’ve got yours y’know? When yer feel yerself slippin’ I’ll be right beside yer. Like this, just like now.”

Thomas blinked sluggishly and turned his face into the writer’s neck, at the same time moving his body over Jimmy’s like a shield.

He was safe. For once in his life, he felt he was safe.

/

It was when the sun finally rose from the earth that Jimmy got the idea. And he retrieved his journal from his place on the bed, with Thomas curled peaceful on his abdomen, he put pen to paper.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Listen this chapter kicked my arse. Choreography is hard man. I've not idea if its complete crap. (Songs are: Adele-Skyfall and Sam Smith- Writing's on the Wall (Taps Cover)) Thomas and Jimmy say their goodbyes in spectacular fashion. There will be just an epilogue after this! We're nearing the end beautiful! Thank you so much for sticking with this and being patient! <3

Thomas was awoken by a pair of lips that he knew to be Jimmy’s. That same soft, plush pout. The warmth of his breath, the taste of mint and tobacco on his tongue. It was all undeniably his.

It was such an odd feeling to know a man’s lips.

“Mm…” Thomas pulled him on top of him but Jimmy’s hand pushed him into the mattress.

“We need ter speak t’Ella.”

Thomas finally opened his eyes, lashes a flutter with confusion. “Huh? Ella? What dya mean?” He leaned up on his elbows, but Jimmy made so effort to move out his space, his eyes alight and their noses brushing.

“Yer need ter say goodbye ter this place. Proper like. You need ter close the book on it.”

“Alright…what’s that have to do with my sister?” Instead of answering Jimmy smiled, drawing on from Thomas too. The artist cupped his lover’s cheek. “What’re you up to.”

“What dya say we leave ‘ere with a bang.”

/

“Yer crazy…” Ella laughed over the receiver. “Any normal two lads who created as much of a scene as you two have would leave there real quiet like.”

“Yeah well we aint that are we? We aint very normal.”

Thomas laughed across the room. “Speak for yerself sunshine.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Are yer in or not?”

Ella hummed from the other end of the phone. “I suppose I can whip somethin’ up.”

“Yer a diamond lady!”

“Pass her over.” Thomas told Jimmy. He did and Thomas was greeted with a:

“…the hell am I a bloody teapot.”

“You’ve never been delicate enough to be porcelain.”

“No yer right. You’re the teapot.”

“Witty.” “I know.”

Thomas laughed. “I’m paying fer you to come down here.”

“You aint gotta do that Thomas… we’re family.”

“But…”

“No.” Thomas huffed. “I swear ter god I never get a word in edgewise round here.”

“No but you get other things in with at least one of us, so I guess you should be assuaged huh? I’ll see you tonight big brother.” She chuckled and hung up the phone. Jimmy was there as soon as Thomas placed the earpiece moodily on the receiver, hand on Thomas’ shoulder.

“Oi…we don’t have ter do this if you don’t want…it’s up ter you.”

Thomas quickly fixed Jimmy’s lips with a kiss. “I’m fine. You’ll be there anyway, won’t you?” It was strange…that sentence had Jimmy feeling powerful. He felt all that much stronger for being Thomas’ rock.

/

 “What’re you boys up to?” Anna asked dubiously over a cup of tea, as Thomas and Jimmy poured over sheets of balled up paper.

Jimmy grinned and she couldn’t help but smile back. “You’ll see.”

“That’s very ominous James.” Bates spoke from behind her as he came hobbling into the room his face twisting in pain. Thomas spotted it.

“Here.” He said, and he disappeared to the kitchen. He put a clean rag into boiling water and wrung it until it was nearly dry, he brought the warm towel back in. “Lift your trouser leg.” He told Bates. Bates and Anna eyes him confused and Jimmy looked on curious. Once the older man shimmed his pants up to his thigh, Thomas wrapped the rag under his knee . “Leave it on till it gets cool, yer knee gets worse when in the cold.”

Bates shot him a strange look. “Hm.”

Thomas stood brushing himself off. “What…I learned some things in the Somme. Lads were seizing up all the time from the cold.”

“No it’s not that…” he looked up at Thomas. “I wish I knew this man from the beginning.”

Thomas shook his head. “There would’bve been no way of knowing me like this. Not without all the pain that came this year.”

“You’ll come back some time?”

“I s’pose I might grace you all with my presence.”

Anna and Bates laughed and Anna turned to Jimmy. “You too young man.”

“I really aint that young.” He groaned the three chuckled at him. “But, I’ll go wherever he does. Seems he’s my crutch now.”

/

Mrs Hughes heard a knock on the door and she was shook from a long pile of paperwork. She was glad for the distraction.

“Yes, yes come in!” she called.

The two boys entered, one raven and one gold. She smiled upon them, Elise Hughes had given up on the idea of motherhood. But the two men before her made her feel very much a proud and concerned parent. Off into the world they were going, and she’d have no input in their lives anymore aside from the input they chose for her to have.

“Good afternoon gentleman.” She moved to stand but Thomas shook his head.

“No please, we just came ter thank you. For all you did fer us. You put yerself, your career on the line. It was brave.”

“Very brave.” Jimmy added, and Thomas felt nostalgia flash through him and warm him to the bone.

_“You were brave Mr Barrow… very brave.”_

Their eyes met for a brief second.

“You know boys, your…connection may not be legitimate in the eyes of Lord, but the way I see it…what you have, regardless of its label, is a deeper love for each other than I’ve seen in most couples married for 20 years. I wouldn’t waste it if I were you. And I most certainly will not be the one to stand in the way of it.” The two men couldn’t really answer that, so Mrs Hughes merely opened her arms. “No come here I want a kiss each cheek, that is my reward.”

They were happy to bestow it.

/

Ella came as they family were eating, her band in tow. Thomas who was previously the most level headed of the two was descending into a twitchy mess.

Jimmy took him to the boot room, while the band was setting up in the foyer.

“Yer need ter breathe before y-“

He was cut off by a kiss, a soaring, beautiful, gorgeous kiss and Thomas held his face close, Jimmy of course melting into it like liquid.

“Mm what the bloody hell were that for?”

“If I kiss you one last time in this house, I want it to be known ter you as the best kiss you ever had here.”

“The only other was with Ivy. All m’best everything’s were with you. Believe me.”

Thomas chuckled and pulled him in close. “I love you.”

“Damn right.”

  There was a knock on the door and they broke away before Ella entered, dressed in eveningwear and as beautiful as the day Jimmy met her.

“You ready boys?” They smiled as she clasped her hands together. “Let’s give those toffs a show.”

/

It was the second time in a month Lord Grantham had been surprised after dinner. Thomas had walked into the room dressed in finery that seemed akin to even to his own and with glint in in eye that surpassed any diamond he owned.

“M’lord if you will. I’d like to request you and your family to join me in foyer.”

The ladies looked around. “What is it Thomas?” Edith asked.

“A goodbye M’lady.”

“A…goodbye?” “And a thank you.” And with that he left, the Grantham's powerless to the pull of his whimsy. They followed suit with a grumble or two from Violet. Found him stood amongst a seated crowd of his colleuages and the star bursts formed in the lights. So many lights, all borrowed from Ella’s company.

He was glistening under them, his Jimmy on the left side of the stage, shining just a brilliant on the piano.

The first was for him, a song Jimmy had written in the night, composed the next day. It was a song for them and for the them that formed in this building.

It was their story, sung by his sister.

“ _This is the end…_ ”

Thomas closed his eyes.

“ _Hold your breath and count to ten.”_

Robert watched him at the end of the aisle as the took their seats. He was lost to the room. It was just him. Him in Jimmy’s words.

“ _Feel the earth move and then,_

_Hear my heart burst again…”_

Then before their eyes, silks fell from the sky and acrobats with them.

“ _For this is the end,_ ”

Thomas began to walk the aisle, toward Jimmy, toward his love, whose eyes lifted from the piano to watch him.

“ _I’ve drowned and dreamt the moment._

_So overdue I owe them._

_Swept away I’m stolen”_

As orchestra kicked in the performers tumbled and fell from the silks into the waiting arms of their partners.

_“Let the sky fall,_

_When it tumbles, we will stand tall and face it all together.”_

As Thomas ascended the stairs to stage Jimmy’s eyes were drowning in his. By this point, his fingers moved of their own accord across the keys.

“ _Let the sky fall,_

_When it tumbles, we will stand tall and face it all together._

_At sky fall_.”

The elder crossed the piano behind the bench as the younger stood to greet him.

“ _Sky fall is where we start_.”

Jimmy turns, he turned to his love and as he advances towards him Thomas moved backward in step.

“ _A thousand miles and poles apart._

 _Where worlds collide, and days are dark._ ”

The circle each other one, a look of mischief simmering between them.

“ _You may have my number, you can take my name._

 _But you’ll never have my heart!_ ”  


With his back to the audience Thomas winked at Jimmy and threw himself from the stage, landing in cluster of dancers that caught him, raising him above their heads. Jimmy laughed and Ella beside him smirked.

“ _Let the sky fall._

_When it crumbles. We will stand tall and face it all together._

_At sky fall._ ”

The dancers started to chant, eerie as they passed Thomas to the end of the aisle and parted. He turned all eyes on him.

“ _Let the sky fall._

_When it crumbles…_

_We will stand tall…_ ” they whispered. Then dancers came, with softer silks, white and gold that they spun Jimmy.

“ _Where you go I go._ ”

He liberated on hand from the cocoon.

“ _What you see I see._ ”

Jimmy was lowered into a dip by the silks and his eyes only for Thomas.

“ _I know I’d never be me without the security.  Of your loving arms._ ”

He was wound deeper into the silks.

“ _Keeping me from harm._

 _Put your hand in my hand and we’d stand._ ”

Before tearing himself free.

“ _Let the Skyfall._ ”

Ella watched him drop down from the stage.

“ _When it crumbles._

 _We will stand tall…_ ”

Thomas’ body swivelled toward his lover, his heart husband as the other man stood a quiver with emotion.

“ _Face it all together._

 _At sky fall._ ”

As the orchestra built and layered its melody the lovers made toward each other.

“ _Let the sky fall!_ ”

The dancers melted away, leaving just two others, fire breathers.

“ _We will stand tall!_ ”

They we nearly there.

“At sky fa-aaa-aaa-a-a-“

They met in the middle and behind them both fire was catapulted into air. They pressed their palms together behind the flames.

“AAAAA-LL!”

As the flames subsides their palms parted. And that touch, to the audience, never happened.

“OOo-oo-oooh.”

After shared smiles and erupting applause, Thomas left Jimmy standing there. Both of them alight with joy. He moved back to the stage, Jimmy staying put where he stood. This last song would be simple.

It was the song Thomas had slaved over all day. It would be his voice. Thenhis sister and his lover, the two people most precious to him in the world would dance for him below.

Thomas met Ella on stage. She leant up, kissed his cheek and twisted the mic towards his lips.

“Show em Blue.”

She left Thomas alone, with just the orchestra behind him to offer any sort of comfort. He shuffled in his place, eyes fixed on the ground and only briefly did he look up to give the conductor the nod.

As Ella met Jimmy on the dance floor she tapped his cheek. “Oi…he’s fine. Tough as nails that one.”

“ _I've been here before”_

That voice, that gorgeous voice, it had a shiver racking Jimmy’s entire body.

_“But always hit the floor…”_

Dear god. The only reason he could ever tear his gaze away was Ella’s hands pulling him in. He would dance for Thomas. That would get him through.

_“I've spent a lifetime runnin' And I always get away…”_

Thomas watched them come together Jimmy spinning her out and pulling Ella back in. __  
  


_But with you I'm feeling something That makes me want to stay_

Their eyes met over Ella’s head and the woman rolled her eyes. They couldn’t have been more obvious.

_“I'm prepared for this I never shoot to miss”_

Jimmy dipped Ella and then brought her spinning past him. _“But I feel like a storm is coming If I'm gonna make it through the day”_

The moved together as he gathered her up, gliding across the floor. _“Then there's no more use in runnin' This is something I gotta face.”_

Jimmy pulled her sharp, she leapt, and he caught her draped mid-air at the beat of that drum.

_If I risk it all Could you break my fall?_

He lowered her and swiftly they were twirling together, hands on each other’s cheek and arms gracefully extended behind them.

_How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here I'm suffocating I wanna feel love, run through my blood Tell me is this where I give it all up?_

As Jimmy looked up, his heart broken, a little chipped away from the seams. Thomas was crying. _“For you I have to risk it all Cause the writing's on the wall.”_

As the second verse began, the dancers started to reform around them, pulsing around the singer and Jimmy.

_“A million shards of glass That haunt me from my past As the stars begin to gather.”_

Thomas closed his eyes, tears sparkling like crystal over his cheeks. _“And the light begins to fade When all hope begins to shatter Know that I won't be afraid”_

His eyes fluttered open and were only for Jimmy as he moved across the marble.

_“If I risk it all Could you break my fall?_

_How do I live? How do I breathe?”_

The artist’s face lowered to the floor as he sagged, all energy seeming to leave him.

_When you're not here I'm suffocating “I wanna feel love, run through my blood Tell me is this where I give it all up? For you I have to risk it all Cause the writing's on the wall”_

Ella was gone and suddenly Jimmy was lifted by the throngs of dancers as they threw and caught and rotated him gracefully down the rows.

_“The writing's on the wall”_

Ella followed him down in a sprint, her beaded dress swinging and her eyes lit with her laugh. The arrived by the stage. Same time ,either side.

_“How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here I'm suffocating I wanna feel love, run through my blood Tell me is this where I give it all up?”_

The climbed the stair in unison, arriving at Thomas’ sides at similar times. _“How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here I'm suffocating I wanna feel love, run through my blood Tell me is this where I give it all up?”_

He held out his hands for theirs. Ella took it. Jimmy hesitated. _“For you I have to risk it all.”_

And then took it too _. “Cause the writing's on the wall!”_

The lights went down. It was the end of their beginning.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH. This is it! I just want to say a massive thank you to the people who have followed this story till the end. It's my first time telling a feature length story like this! I hope to god I did well! I'm so glad I feel for these characters again! I was thinking of some spin offs. Life with the Bloomsbury lot, a story of the time Thomas was given a child to look after from London during the war. Let me know if you would love to hear that. But for now! The epilogue! I apologise in advance for the sadness! Don't hurt me   
> All my love!  
> Liv <3

29th March 1941

The night after Miss Woolf died, Thomas had taken Jimmy to bed, wrapped him up in his limbs and refused to let go. When he felt the need to relieve himself, Thomas would follow him into the bathroom, sit on the side of the sink and rub his tear red eyes.

Jimmy found himself unable to cry. He didn’t know why. He was numb to it all, he felt like someone had popped the happy bubble and he was falling. Nevertheless, he held Thomas strong, fingers laced in his hair and rocking him as a new batch of tears came.

“I talked to ‘er. Just a week ago. Kept saying real…unhappy things. I didn’t catch on.” “Like wha’?”

Thomas sighed shaky and played with the cotton of Jimmy’s sleep shirt. “I dunno jus…” he seemed to struggle.

“Ey…you don’t ave to say nowt.” Jimmy rubbed his back. “I know it upsets yer.”

“God think of Leonard…I can’t. I can’t even imagine if you…” he swallowed and turned his eyes up to Jimmy. Thomas was still as pretty twenty years ago, blue eyes, bright with tears and his hair was starting to whiten in places, by his temple and streaked on the sides. Wrinkles were starting form by the corner of his eyes.

And he was so beautiful to Jimmy.

And warm.

And alive.

“Don’t think so ‘ard. You’ll send yerself mad. Leonard’s got family. He’s got us. Leonard will be alright. We’ll make sure of it yeah? But fer now…you’re me first stop. It’s you that on me mind.”

Jimmy cupped his cheeks. Thomas cracked a watery smile.

“You know…she told me that she wished she had babies. We was talking about it. Me an Miss Woolf. Talkin about how neither of us was gonna have babies.”

Jimmy suddenly felt a sinking in his chest. A guilt. Like he knew it in his bones, Thomas brought Jimmy’s fingers to his lips.

“She told me she were sad about it… how it woed her that she’d built no legacy. I told her that her words were that legacy. She got all lovey in the eyes, held me face and asked me if me and you would carry it forward fer her.” He his voice hitched. “I din’t even think but now I look back it’s like I was giving her the nod out. Tellin’ her it was okay to go.”

“Thomas…stop.”

“What if I had a part in this? What if… What if I…”

The man was crumbling in Jimmy’s arms. The only time the writer ever saw him like this was in that hospital when he thought Jimmy was gone. And then in that courtroom when he thought he’d never see him again.

Jimmy kissed him, he kissed him so hard that Thomas gasped. Then he pulled away, pressing his lips ever so careful to his forehead. “Shush…if she were talking like you tell me then she’d already decided before you got to ‘er. Stop blaming yerself for things you have no control over. Miss Woolf, The Duke…none of it was you.”

Thomas sniffled and let himself be pulled into the crook of Jimmy’s neck. “I love you.”

Jimmy smiled threading his fingers into his hair. “I love yer too…soppy git.”

Thomas snorted.

/

_December 25 th 1945_

By the grace of god, neither Thomas or Jimmy had been sent to battle. They had, however, stayed home and opened a convalescence house for the soldiers who returned. Many of whom were injured and suffering heavy mental issues. After years of service as paramedics come therapists, the two decided that as soon as they could they would buy a house back in the country side, live and work from it. Be alone.

They missed the sleepy, mysterious Yorkshire Moors.

After the war ended and the weight began to be lifted off their shoulders, Thomas couldn’t help but think to the future. Now 52 and Jimmy 48, they would soon be thinking about settling down into something permanent. Soon their older counterparts in the Bloomsbury Group would grow too old and leave this Earth and they needed to find security.

And Thomas found it. A beautiful cottage deep in country, small and remote enough, but near enough to civilisation that they would not be complete alone.

He bought it without question. Without a word to Jimmy.

“Jimmy, Home is wherever you are. Merry Christmas. Thomas.” Jimmy raised a brow as Thomas siddled up to him on the sofa. He went to rattle the box, but Thomas steadied his hands.

“No jus’…open it yeah?”

Furrowing his brow, Jimmy pulled the neatly tied bow sand lifted the lid. His eyes flickered from the box to Thomas, wide.

“No, you…” he plucked out the brass key and turned it over in his hand. “Y’ didn’t actually…”

“We can see it in the new year…an’ if you don’t like it, we can always rent it out or…” Jimmy shook his head overwhelmed and placed the key back in the box,  as he shut the lid he pulled Thomas in for a slow kiss under the warm glow of the fire.

“I’ve never deserved yer. Not fer a moment.”

Thomas shook his head. “What you jus’ said were daft and you know it.”

He pulled him in for a hug, even now Jimmy would climb into his lap and hold him closer, Thomas had figured out by now that it was to keep him from pulling away. And Jimmy liked to be wrapped up in his arms for hours.

/

_30 th June 1946_

Jimmy stood by the long mirror, tilting his body back and forth as, unbeknownst to him, Thomas sketched him from the arm. Jimmy slumped and sighed, squishing his skin and then pulling it taught against his skull.

He turned to Thomas who was engrossed in the lines of his shoulder blades.

“You think I’m lookin’ older of late?”

Thomas furrowed his brow. “You’re lookin’ prettier of late?”

Jimmy smiled a thankful smile but carried on pulling at his skin. “No but I mean it. All these wrinkles. I aint the looker I once was.”

“You’ll never not be gorgeous.” Thomas closed the sketch book and placed it on the side table. He rose and swept over to his man kissing along his shoulder. “If there’s anythin’ that you taught me about myself, it’s that I’ll always be beautiful to your eye. An’ tha’s how I feel when I look at you. Like I’m lookin’ at my ‘ole world and it’s a beauty to behold.”

Jimmy hummed, a slight blush colouring him pastel pink. “Y’know you should be the writer… you say such pretty things.”

“I can do pretty things as well,” he tugged Jimmy’s backside back against his crotch.

“Yer filthy minded y’know.”

“You shouldn’t stand there lookin’ so shaggable then…”

Jimmy laughed as Thomas backed him against the mirror with a deep, languid kiss.

/

_9 th May 1949_

It was an angry looking sky. The grey kind that had the sun as a fearsome backlight. The flame of its rays seemed ready to explode, to bust open the clouds and let them rain down over the hills. And Thomas and Jimmy walked below it, through the Yorkshire lanes, fearless in each other’s company.

Jimmy’s hair streaked grey and covered by his old flat cap. Thomas’ by his new fedora.

“An eighth novel to go with yer three poetry collections. Yer unstoppable, love.” Thomas chuckled, and they wandered close to one of the rocks edges.

“Mm, I’ve good muse, aint I?”

“The Moors?”

Jimmy laughed “You. Y’great dunce. And careful near the edge of there.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and pirouetted. “You mean ‘ere?”

“I mean it Thomas.”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Used to be me who’d fret all the time.”

“Yeah, well…when there’s war an’ ruin an’ you ‘ave summet t’lose…it changes a man.”

“Jimmy…”

And then it happened. As Thomas leant on his right foot, the ground came out from underneath him…the rock broke and sent him tumbling and clattering down the rocks until he landed at the bottom with a crack where his head met the rock.

For a moment Jimmy couldn’t move. Frozen in shock. But when the caw of a raven sounded above he was shook from his mind into reality.

When he finally got down there Thomas was half conscious and bleeding from the head. When he finally got him home and called a doctor all seemed well enough. A bandage and some rest.

All seemed normal for now.

/

 

_March 7 th 1952_

The warning signs began to show in the spring of ’52. One bright day Jimmy walked into the lounge to find Thomas staring blankly at the canvas. His face void of expression.

Jimmy cocked his head.

“Thomas?” Thomas jumped and turned to him.

“Oh…hello.” “Y’alright?”

“Yeah, but we should get goin’ back to the Abbey soon…they’ll be hell ter pay if we stay away too long.”

Jimmy cocked his head. “The Abbey? Downton?” he laughed. “Thomas, we aint been to the Abbey in years.”

Thomas furrowed his brow. “Huh? Oh yeah.”

Something cold was trying to seep into Jimmy but he pushed it away, refused it point blank. “Love, you’ve been working too hard…c’mon come t’ town with me. We need some things from the grocers.”

Thomas nodded looking pale and troubled and stood up taking a deep breath and going to find his coat.

Jimmy looked after him, his core shaking.

/

_January 13 th 1954_

Things kept happening. Thomas would go missing for hours. He’d forget how Jimmy took his tea or where they were or to blow candles out before bed.

But the turning point was one morning. Jimmy awoke him with a kiss and Thomas scrambled away from him apologising. It took an hour for Jimmy to reassure him that he was okay. That Jimmy was his and that he loved him. That he wouldn’t run and tell the bill. It took him a whole hour. After 33 years.

And so, Jimmy had finally given in and took Thomas down to the doctor.

At first, he wasn’t allowed in the room. He wasn’t legally his family.  But, Dr Harvey called him in the office after thirty minutes and took Jimmy to one side.

“Mr Kent, you say he has no kin?” “A sister but she lives in London…why.” “It’s just that…”

Jimmy’s heart sunk.  “Jus’…tell me.”

Harvey looked at him with a sadness behind his eyes. “My Kent I believe Thomas is showing the early stages of vascular dementia.”

A feeling washed over Jimmy like icy water. Much of what he heard after that came in fractured pieces.

“May suffer with small strokes.” “He may start to forget…”

“…set up a plan.”

Jimmy couldn’t really focus on any of it. The diagnosis was clear. Thomas would die. More than likely, he would die not knowing Jimmy from John down the pub.

Thomas was fading fast and they had a few years at best.

When he got Thomas home, the artist cried. Jimmy refused to let himself do the same. Must have told Thomas a thousand time that he loved him and that he was with him till the end. When Thomas finally surrendered to exhaustion…Jimmy allowed the tears to fall. Shaking to the bone and gripping his husband tight.

/

_1955_

Things started to dissolve bit by bit. Memories dripping away from the canvas, colour draining. The hardest hit for Thomas came when he found his sketchpad under a pile of Bloomsbury books. He flipped to a page, Jimmy through a mirror and tilted his head to the side.

“These’re beautiful…did you do ‘em?”

Jimmy shook his head. “N-No they’re yours.”

“Mine?”

“Yeah…you’re an artist. A bloody brilliant one at tha’”

Thomas narrowed his shadowy eyes. He picked up a pencil from the kitchen table and found a blank page.

An excitement shifted in Jimmy’s stomach as he watched his man’s pencil hover over the paper. But with wrinkled brow and lost eyes, Thomas seemed to be at a loss with what to do. He tried to put the pencil to paper, one, twice and again, but he couldn’t. The wood trembled in his hand.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jimmy stood. He took the pencil and held the man’s head to his chest as he shattered.

/

_1956_

In some ways it was easier when Thomas forgot Jimmy. It was easier for Thomas not having the weight of guilt around his neck and it was easier for Jimmy not be the source of his sorrow.

Ella became the person Thomas would ask for. She would come as often as she could bare. But something in Jimmy couldn’t let her see him like this on the regular. He was her rock…her big brother and he was dying. So, Jimmy would be the one with him. Up to 90 percent of the time.

When he asked Thomas who he was, the elder would simply reply.

“I dunno…but I love you?”

The love was the one thing that never waned.

/

_7th July 1957_

Jimmy always knew it was coming in the end. As was the inevitability of life. It didn’t make it any easier for him.

Around the end of June, Thomas stopped being able to eat. He grew weaker by the second until the early morning of the 7th when he was awoken by the sounds of soft whining. Jimmy sat bolt up, he caressed his husband’s cheek and asked him what was wrong. Begged Thomas to let him help.

In response the elder clutched his wrist, stared up at him with huge child like eyes. “I want the clearing.”

“The-the…”

“Me an’ Ella used t’go…it’s so pretty there…the water. Trees. Take me t’the clearin’.”

The pain in his voice was too much. With the heaviest heart, Jimmy fulfilled what he thought to be Thomas’ last request. He called in a favour from the Abbey.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Mr Branson, It’s James…J-James Kent?”

“Jimmy? Oh! Call me Tom me man…we’re more like acquaintances now! How-How’s our Thomas?” There was an extended silence. “Jimmy? Are yer there?”

“I…I need a favour.” His eyes glanced to Thomas… slumped on sofa in an uneasy slumber.

“Oh? What would that be?”

/

_Later that day_

Branson glanced back through the wing mirror as the writer cradled his lover in his lap. Thomas’ breaths were shallow, barley even there, his lips dry and his eyes doey, still he smiled as he glanced up at the man who held him.

“Yer very pretty…”

Jimmy glanced down at his love…pale as a ghost, voice hollow as scream in an empty hall. “So are you.”

Tom said nothing, though he felt lump form in his throat. He saw not two men committing sin, he just saw two men. That was it. Two men who loved each other just as dearly as he loved his late wife.

He would get them to this clearing if it killed them all.

/

_Minutes Later_

They had finally gotten Thomas to the clearing by the time the sun was setting. Both Jimmy and Branson, aging as they were, found the strength to carry the frail man, all wrapped in blankets, all the way to the spot were the lovers had begun to fall for each other.

Jimmy settled onto his knees on the forest floor, Thomas held in his arms like a small child. He rubbed his back, kissed his palm and drew his hair from his eyes.

“Would yer like me ter stay?” Branson asked quietly.

“No…” Jimmy rasped. “But if I’m not back in the hour…come find me. I’m scared once ‘e goes I’ll- I’ll find a place t’jump off an’ never return.”

Branson closed his eyes but nodded, he let a hand rest on Jimmy’s shoulder. “I’ll be down the way…”

Once he was gone from sight, Jimmy finally opened is eyes and he found Thomas looking out upon the scene.

“Wow…” he breathed.

The light came through the trees in beams of orange light, bouncing off the spring and making it sparkle like liquid crystal. The wind weaved through the oak soft as a whisper and found itself tangled in locks of their hair.  Owls hooted and birds twittered between the branches, humming their goodnight lullaby.

It was perfect. It was perfect in all aspects but one.

Jimmy let out a shaky breath and let his tears fall. One hand still buried in Thomas’ hair, the other covered his face. He was going… his love was really leaving him.

“So beautiful…”

It was only when Jimmy looked down he realised Thomas was speaking about him. His eyes turned up to him, now glassy and unseeing.

His time was now, his flame had flickered out and Jimmy held him way after the life left his body. Because though his lungs had breathed their last, Jimmy’s love remained steadfast.

/

_July 12 th 1957_

Thomas would have never believed this. His funeral pulled in masses. Writers, Artists, Earls and Jimmy and Ella at the forefront. But Jimmy for once in his life had no words.

So, it was up to Ella Barrow.

“I can’t do words much, not like my brother or his…partner in crime.” They laughed. Jimmy couldn’t. His lover. His husband. His world. That’s what they were to each other. But Ella could never say that aloud.

“My brother was…is the most selfless, stubborn, strong, brilliant, blessing that ever entered this world. We could spout things like ‘His life will go on through his work’ ‘He will never be forgotten’ and while in some cases it’d be true…” she met Jimmy’s eyes. “The only real… certain way he will live forever…is ere’.” She patted her heart. “In the changin’ of our hearts, he’ll change the lives of our children and our grandchildren. He will always be there inside of us. Even if it’s an iota of piece of him. He’ll be there.  He will always be there. He’s my big brother. He will always be my big brother. Some things can never be taken from us. And history for better or worse can never be changed, but history can be used t’build a future. Thomas Barrow were a fighter, he battled until the bitter end. If now he’s history, then we should use his spirit to carry on, move this planet forward, so he may be part of the future as well. Th-thankyou big brother, cheers Blue. I’ll love you forever.”

They stood for him. They sung him out and as he rolled through the curtains, Jimmy couldn’t help but stand, place his hand on the coffin top just over his name etched in silver. If it weren’t for Ella and Andrew, he would have crawled into the fire pit with him.

But he didn’t. He let himself be weak in their arms.

/

_Minutes Later_

George Crawley always had a fondness for Mr Barrow. When he was a toddler, he remembered riding through the halls of the Abbey on his shoulders. Both of them giggling incessantly. Mr Kent had always looked on and laughed. He seemed fond of George too, in a second-hand sort of way. And George had always been curious about him.

Now an adult, George found himself losing his first ever friend and he felt a strong pull towards the man he had spent his life with. He moved over to Mr Kent as his mother, Mary cupped his cheek and murmured something comforting in his ear. Mr Kent’s eyes turned upon George. He smiled weakly.

“You look so grown up Master George…”

George nodded. “Unfortunately, we kids tend to do that… I’m fourty this next month”

Mr Kent stared blankly. “Christ…time did fly.”

“I’m so sorry Mr Kent. I know losing your best friend-” “My lover.”

The younger blinked. “Your…”

“Yeah…my lover. My husband. My soulmate. And if it bothers you I couldn’t give two shits about it.”

“James…” Mary whispered, going clutching his arm. He pulled away before she got there.

“We loved each other, tha’s tha. I’m an old man now, there ent nothing more you people could do hurt me. Because nothing would hurt more than watching the man I love bein’ rolled through a pair of curtains in a goddamn box. Nothin’”

“I know…” George murmured.

Jimmy narrowed his eyes. “Y’know?” George spoke soft enough that nobody could hear. “I know Mr Barrow liked men. I know you were in love. There were whispers…rumours. I can’t say it ever bothered me.”

“It-it never…”

“Why should it? You never did anything to harm me…moreover, you simply made each other better people, at least by my eyes.  Happier.  And in turn, you made other people happy.  How could that be an evil thing?”

Something occurred to Jimmy in that moment. The world was changing, and he and Thomas had a little to do with it.

/

_September 19 th 1957_

Autumn was a time of change, it was only as the colours of the country became vibrant that Jimmy found the will to finally let Ella go through his love’s possessions.

He kept some things for himself. His fedora, his coat. His sketch book, filled with captured moments. The rest he felt no real need for.

“Jimmy, sweetheart yer should see this.”

Jimmy remained clutching the leather-bound book to his chest, but he turned his eyes to Ella. Her brother’s absolute double.

She handed him a several folded sheets of crumpled paper.

“Wha’s that?”

“I dunno…but it’s addressed to you. And it’s his handwritin’.”

Jimmy’s eyes fluttered.

“Right…Thanks.”

He unfolded the paper as she carried a small chest into the sitting room. There was a rustle as he straightened out the paper and his name was scrawled in cursive at the top of the page.

_Jimmy,_

_My sweet and beautiful boy. I will never leave you. I know that’s what you think I have done. But I haven’t._

_You know, I had my doubts on there being a god. I had so many doubts. That is until I found that heaven was missing its most lovely angel. Only god could have put you in my path, I know it. I need to tell you all this before I forget._

_I need to tell you how much I love you._

_You have saved my soul. My heart, my mind. You have saved me._

_I know now, by making you smile, I have done my part on this Earth. I’ll save you a space back in the clouds sweet boy. I’ll save you a seat next to mine._

_You’ll be okay. But it will hurt sweetheart and I wish everyday I could stop hurting you, but I can’t. That’s something beyond my power. I’m so sorry for the way you will have to see me, but know that every second I don’t know your name, I will always know your soul. Because we are bonded together. No matter where I am, you are with me and I am with you._

_No person would have ever made me happier. We had such happy times, didn’t we? Remember them.  I’m so grateful my boy and I’ll see you in the stars._

_Yours forever,_

_Thomas._

/

_August 28 th 1961_

By some bitter sweet irony, Jimmy died just 4 years after Thomas. At the exact same age. He died in his sleep, the doctor’s said his heart simply stopped.

It was much more peaceful than Thomas’ passing. He was found clutching his open journal to his chest and covered in Thomas’ old coat.

  When the open- book was pried from his hands the shaky script read:

_My Angel,_

_It’s so bright…I can feel it, feel you. I can feel you all around me. God its be so long since I felt you. I’ve missed you so much._

_Is this what it felt like for you?_

_It feels so good…so final, so peaceful. Why do you come to me so slow?_

_It’s okay…I’m here, I’m here. We won’t ever be apart again…_

_Oh god._

_You look so beautiful._

Ella laughed through a river of tears. “Oh, my boys.  That’s it.  Into the sun you go.”


End file.
